Germans think they speak better English than they do

First of all, this is certainly a case of throwing stones in glass houses here, but all Germans make the same mistakes when they speak English. Learning these common mistakes will help you communicate.

First, the most annoying, Germans think Handy means cell phone. Telling them that the word Handy is not English for cell phone will make you endure a horrendous joke about how a Schwäbian guy actually came up the term. Do not tell them its not called a Handy in English under any circumstance, just know that they are talking about a mobile phone and move on.

Beamer is not a BMW, it is a projector.

Eggzill is a spreadsheet program from Microsoft. A warning from first hand experience here is in order. After hearing your German colleagues talk about using Microzoft Vord, Eggzill, and Axis, do not call the other program Microsoft Proyekt, like you think your German colleagues would pronounce it. They will make fun of you for being stupid, if you do.

Actual does not mean actual to a German. To a German actual means current, or up-to-date. For some reason they think aktuell = actual, which gets super annoying, since every German will always make this mistake till they die, no matter how many times you tell them.

Fitness Studio is a gym. Sounds like you’re going to get filmed while you work out, but no worries, it’s just a gym.

Der Smoking is a tuxedo.

Mobbing gives you the image of an angry mob of 50 people ready to kill you, but in German it is any form of harassment or mistreatment, especially in the work place by coworkers or management.

Informations, trainings, etc. Germans make up plural forms of words you can’t really do that with, which sounds pretty ridiculous.

Lucky means happy to Germans. Kind of weird since most Germans use the word happy now and then, as in “This film is a happy end.” By the way Germans, if you are listening, you mean “This movie has a happy ending.”

An Oldtimer to a German means a vintage car, not your grandpa.

A shooting is not what happens on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard once a day; Germans use it to mean a photo shoot.

Shrimps is the German word for shrimp, even though they could use their own lanuage, the Germans prefer to misuse ours.

A Body bag in Germany is not what the authorities take dead people to the morgue in, but rather a back pack or a fanny pack.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrd

Body bag

25 Responses to “Germans think they speak better English than they do”

  1. Elysia Says:

    Not sure if this is a German thing, but all of my students in Austria don’t understand the difference between “fun” and “funny”. So I get to hear about how “It’s going to be so funny when we have summer holidays.”

  2. realityking Says:

    excellent blog but I think you’ve missed a few:

    A floor is not what you’re walking on, it’s a hall way (floor = Flur)

    One I ran into recently myself: irritating means confusing (irritating = irritierend)

    Not as common as the other but ver annoying: who might mean where and where might mean who (who = wo, wer = where)

    here are probably many more ;)

  3. Crescent Says:

    One of the most annoying things is actually already knowing the meaning of these terms when they come into use by the German public…
    I still get confused when someone wants to “shoot” somebody.

    Even worse are people who think making up half of their sentences in bad English would make anything they say cool or important. Do you know this kind of manager or wannabe expert who keeps on telling you about flowcharts and stuff and uses the wrong terms all the time?

  4. John Says:

    Yeah Crescent, the absolute most annoying to me is when Germans are speaking in German and then say a word in English, then pause to say, “also … auf Deutsch”, then continue on with the sentence after translating the word into German for the “dumb masses”. This happens a lot on TV or by wannabe managers who are trying to make themselves look superior as experts in some subject.

    The vast majority of Germans don’t do it, unless they are trying to convince you they are experts or are trying to sell you some product.

    But when they do it makes me want to kick them in the shin.

  5. Andreas Says:

    I think those things happen because most of international business communication is in English, so people are forced to speak a language that most haven’t learned to that extent. Obviously Americans do that, too: just to mention the leitmotif (which is written Leitmotiv in German).
    Those things happen :-) and: nothing for ungood

  6. marvinn Says:

    You are me perhaps one.

  7. Sabine Says:

    Anatlo Stefanowitsch of Bremer Sprachblog has an interesting entry on mobbing.

  8. Jens Says:

    I suppose Americans also take [i]body lotion[/i] for something rather creepy, then, or do they actually have the ability to distinguish between a body and a dead body?

  9. John Says:

    Nope, body lotion is fine. Body bag is kind of a special case, I guess.

  10. MuGo Says:

    It’s odd to me (for me? Well, my English is considered excellent in the eastern parts of Germany only…) that until today so many peope do not know that Handy is not the English word for cell phone. It’s always taken as example for english-sounding words that are used exclusively in Germany. Why is ist so difficult for them to remember that?

  11. Dent Says:

    There are some reasons why cellphones are called handies here (http://www.u32.de/handy.html). It’s all about marketing. The american term cellphone couldn’t be used because of the association with the german word for phone booth (Telefonzelle), while the englisch word mobile or mobile phone wasn’t used, because germans associate everything mobile with cars, and carphones where already in use when the first cell-phones came around.
    The term was first used by Motorola back in the forties, when thy called their new generation of smaller walkie-talkies simply handie-talkies.

  12. HermanTheGerman Says:

    I’m sorry, but you are listing things that have nothing to do with “Germans think they speak better English than they do”. Words like “shooting” or “mobbing” are words we use in our common German language, but i would never use it in an English sentence. Hm, I know nobody who says Microzoft Vord, Eggzill, and Axis, but some older people can’t speak English very well, but that’s because they are a completely different generation. Nearly everybody under 30 can pronounce those words correctly.
    And one last thing: Yes, in German sentences i say “Handy”, but not in English sentences.

  13. Recumbent Andreas Says:

    Hi,

    I think you forgot two words:
    eventually = Eventuell (or not)
    and the Klassiker: I become a steak (bekommen = to receive)

    Andreas

  14. ichderichbin Says:

    Hmmm, well /me thinks you just mix up 2 different things:
    - speaking bad english
    - english words sipping into german language and becoming genuine part of german

    IMHO “handy” is not a ‘wrong english’, but a ‘correct german’ word now, as there are many other of the words you mentioned. you think of these words in english terms, but they already are part of the german language and have changed their meanings more or less. this happens all the time in history (just look at the large amount of words with french origins in the german language).

    this process is speeded up by english being the “lingua franca” of today, the language people from many different countries with different english language skills communicate….

    a short anecdote:
    an english friend of my brother once walked into a “handy” (cellphone) shop in germany. as she was aware of the different word, she asked to buy a “hondy” - she tried to pronouce the word “german”…
    the guy at the store corrected her: “This is ‘handy’, not ‘hondy’ - its english, you know…”

  15. TheGerm Says:

    Here’s one of my favorites from a meeting:

    The (German) leader of the meeting wanted to organize some sort of trade fair. Now, “fair” is “Messe” in German.. if you can’t guess it yourself, she suggested to “make a mess.” :-D

  16. simi1983 Says:

    Here’re two more:

    On a worldfair a german reporter states: “This is the biggest mess i’ve ever seen.”

    Many germans when telling about their school they say “i went to the gymnasium because my parents wanted me to go to university later”

    (gymnasium in germany is the type of school that enables you to visit a university later)

  17. Thomas Says:

    Just one thing, unlike “mobbing”, “handy” etc., “body bag” is by no means a universally accepted word in German. AFAIK it’s a lingual lapse of one or a few companies, much derided in German media.

  18. somejuan Says:

    My personal flavorite is the direct translation (into english) of the German usage of “oder,” as a clue-in to a question.

    For example: Would you like to meet for drinks in the center? or?

    Perfectly logical sentence auf Deutsch, but akward for a native english speaker. “Or what” would be a typical response.

  19. Anonymous Says:

    The problem with the germans is they don’t even speek german. They speek extremely strange and ugly dialects instead. At the same time they like to say “Deutsche Sprache schwere Sprache” to show their intellectual superiority. And yes ! They even think their englisch is better than the englisch of all other people and they want to teach better german and english to persons they have discovered not to be Germans !!!

    Sorry for my bad english. My mother language is a german dialect (unfortunately ) close to standard german, closer at least than the ugly dialects spoken by the germans like swabian, palatinian, bavarian… But as I said their favourite sport is to teach me german and english.

  20. FB Says:

    It’s a bit late (a bit very late…) but: Dent mentioned carphones; In Switzerland we actually have another word for handy / cellphone, which is “Natel”. Originally: “Nationales Autotelefon” - “national carphone” :)

  21. baby Says:

    Nice website!!

  22. FacePaint Says:

    I don’t hear much of this, as I insist Germans stick to German. The Auslaenderin angle covers a multitude of sins - in meetings, I innocently ask what the German term is for every single term they use in English.

    For some terms, e.g. corporate governance, there really isn’t an equivalent. One of my pet peeves is “das Feedback” used when they mean “Rueckmeldung” but don’t dare say it, b/c they _really_ mean Kritik.

    It does seem that more-educated Germans - HermantheGerman as an example - are far less likely to throw bad English around than are clerks who’ve been in the same small company where they did their apprenticeship after completing the “mittlere-Reife.”

    My own English has gotten dodgy, so I can’t be too critical … I mean, I can’t give them too much feedbacks on their English.

  23. biene Says:

    was für ein unsinn, kein deutscher denkt, er spreche besser englisch als ein muttersprachlacher. klar, die angliszismen sind schon grausam, falsch und vollkommen unnötig, aber ich denke das legt sich auch wieder. früher wurden französische wörter übernommen, heute englische. das vergeht.
    aber was ich hier in den kommentaren viel schlimmer finde ist die tatsache, dass sich über das schlechte englisch der deutschen lustig gemacht wird. kann jemand von euch überhaupt deutsch? vermutlich nicht. und es ist nun mal immer schwierig sich in einer sprache auszudrücken, die nicht muttersprache ist, vor allem, wenn man nicht in dem land, in dem die sprache gesprochen wird, gelebt hat, sondern nur in der schule diese sprache gelernt hat. die meisten bemühen sich wenigstens sich verständigen und einigermaßen gut ausdrücken zu können und dass man ein paar falschen freunden auf den leim geht, passiert in jeder sprache.
    nur ein paar gedanken von mir.

  24. Anony Says:

    @biene: why, if you assume none of us can speak German, do you ask us in German? Is that the famous German sense of irony we hear so much about?

  25. Mindy Says:

    Another annoying one. alot of Germans (that I have met) cant pronounce the English “V” which is strange because it is similiar, if not the exact same to the German “W”. My German host sister and alot of my German friends often say Wegetable (for vegetable), wery (for very), etc…

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