Although 300 million Americans have come to rely on air-conditioning as 20th Century necessity for comfort, 100% of Germans hate air conditioning with a passion. Germans would rather slave away at the office enduring 30°C temperatures and 90% humidity than be forced to cope with air the comes out of a machine at comfortable temperatures.
And it’s not just refrigerated air the Germans abhor so much, but rather any form of moving air at all. While Germans always love fresh air, the instant that air is set in motion it becomes deadly; a source of earth-shattering calamities.
Germans even have invented an illness, which is caused solely by the movement of air. The Zug, which couldn’t possibly be translated into English, because no English speaking person (despite our propensity for air conditioning) has ever been inflicted. But if a German tells another German, that they have caught a train?, then the sickly German receives instant sympathy for their suffering in this made-up affliction.
Also of note, temperature variations cause all kinds of bad things to happen to Germans. For example, if a German woman sits on cold concrete, she will lose the ability to become pregnant.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Grüß Dich, Astrid,
hier die Übersetzung:
Die Luft ist dem Deutschen sein Tod
Obwohl 300 Millionen Amerikaner sich mittlerweile auf den Komfort des 20. Jahrhunderts und somit auch auf Klimaanlagen verlassen, hassen 100% der Deutschen diese mit Leidenschaft. Deutsche würden lieber bei 30°C und 90 % Luftfeuchtigkeit im Büro vor sich hin arbeiten, als mit der Luft umgehen zu müssen, die in angenehmen Temperaturen aus einer Maschine kommt.
Und es ist nicht nur gekühlte Luft, die die Deutschen so hassen, sondern jede Form von sich bewegender Luft. Und obwohl sie frische Luft lieben, verwandelt sich diese in ihren Augen in eine tödliche Bakterienschleuder, sobald die Luft anfängt sich zu bewegen.
Deutsche haben sogar eigens erfundende Krankheiten, die alleine durch sich bewegende Luft hervorgerufen werden. Der Zug zum Beispiel, den man nicht einmal ins Englische übersetzen kann, weil keine englischsprachige Person jemals damit konfrontiert wurde (trotz unserer Neigung zur Benutzung von Klimaanlagen). Aber wenn ein Deutscher einem anderen Deutschen erzählt, dass er Zug bekommen hat, wird er für diese eingebildete Krankheit sofort bemitleidet.
Auch noch erwähnenswert ist, dass Temperaturunterschiede schlimme Dinge bei Deutschen hervorrufen können. So verlieren deutsche Frauen zum Beispiel die Fähigkeit Kinder zu bekommen, wenn sie auf kaltem Boden sitzen.
Liebe Grüße,
John
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May 4th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
actually it wouldn’t be train, but draft.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I didn’t know that sitting on cold concrete makes you infertile. When I was found sitting on stone steps as a teenager (in Germany of course) a woman told me that I’d get haemorrhoids. So, that’s what really happens.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
What about that other German disease, the deadly Kreislaufstörung? I think the only cure for that is to get written off sick while you visit your doctor wearing a scarf around your neck.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I think this is the right time to cite Mark Twain:
“There are some exceedingly useful words in this language. Schlag, for example; and Zug.[…]
Just the same with Zug. Strictly speaking, Zug means Pull, Tug, Draught, Procession, March, Progress, Flight, Direction, Expedition, Train, Caravan, Passage, Stroke, Touch, Line, Flourish, Trait of Character, Feature, Lineament, Chess-move, Organ-stop, Team, Whiff, Bias, Drawer, Propensity, Inhalation, Disposition: but that thing which it does not mean — when all its legitimate pennants have been hung on, has not been discovered yet.”
Source: http://www.crossmyt.com/hc/linghebr/awfgrmlg.html
May 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
There are some - for Germans - incomprehensible deseases in the US too, like if someone feels dizzy, they are probably “dehydrated”…? (ask a doctor, thats just silly).
I’d like to add that “Zug” comes from “ziehen” which means “to pull”. When there’s an intense airflow, we say the air “pulls” ..not meaning train.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:36 am
It’s not a made-up affliction. They really suffer.
Did you know that in countries where you get no money for suffering a whiplash in an accident, noone ever gets diagnosted with whiplash? Nonetheless, there _are_ people suffering from this elsewhere.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Zug is THE sickness-causing factor in germany while Fön is responsible for any kind of headache in bavaria
May 25th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I’m German and am constantly annoyed by old folks on (non-air-conditioned) local trains etc. telling everyone to keep the windows shut because of the “Zug”. It wasn’t until I reached adulthood that I finally discovered that this is a typically German thing. Usually, if you want a German *not* to do something, all you need to do is tell them that it’s typically German. Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to work here…
May 25th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
The Koreans are even more weird than the Germans about moving air. Germans may think they’re going to catch a cold when they fall asleep with the fan on - Koreans actually think they’re going to suffocate. Korean reversal: In Germany, you can catch a cold; in Korea cold catches YOU. OK, lame joke mode off.
May 26th, 2008 at 12:34 am
This is so true, the German people on my busses are constantly complaining. I have a good story right from the beginning, and that is that the A/C on the bus was built by the German Firma “Zumutung” , most don’t get it
June 4th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Yea, horrible. Moving cold air. Brrrr *shiver*
I hate open doors. I hate my AC in the office and i try to live without it as much as i can.
Maybe you need to grow up with constant Zug around you.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Die deutsche Überschrift ist ja wie aus dem Zwiebelfisch :).
Der Dativ ist dem Genitiv sein Tod…
June 19th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Dear John,
Vielen Dank für Deine perfekte Übsetzung,jetzt kann ich noch mehr lachen weil ich endlich jedes wort verstehe. Ich freue mich sehr dass meine Tochter einen Freund hat,der so wundervoll ironisch und frech ist und der uns Deutsche so gut kennt.Mach weiter so!!!!! wir lieben Dich
Bussi Astrid
July 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
also in Italy you must befare of “la corrente” (the draft)
http://burntbythetuscansun.blogspot.com/2008/06/you-know-youve-been-in-italy-far-too.html
July 6th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
My (German) mother-in-law kept making this big deal about our kids going barefoot in the house on their stone floors- because somehow the cold floors would cause them to have kidney problems. So apparently many more afflictions happen due to cold floors than most of us are aware!
November 6th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Moin, Moin
So I will explain You what “Zug” means:
When I drive my Car with Side Window Open on a not so warm Day, often I get “Zug”.
On the next Day I have an inflexibel Neck. So I can´t rotate my Head.
This painfull condition will take one or Two Day´s.
This will happendfrom moving Air. Belife it or not.
Some People get it more often some not so.
I get it often, and I hate it
November 7th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I don’t believe it, based on the fact that it’s impossible for Germans to get any stiffer than they already are!
November 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I do agree with the points made about the “Zug” (which of course is translated as “draft”) and the well-known “Kreislaufstörung”.
However, as an Englishman (rather than an American) living in Germany, I don’t agree with the point about air-conditioning. Apart from the fact that A/C units are not particularly environmentally friendly and have high energy costs, they are usually NOT set at a “comfortable temperature”, but rather far too low. If you’re sharing an office with others, you’ll spend ages trying to find a temperature that suits everyone, only to later discover that this simply isn’t possible. Spending long periods of time in air-conditioned rooms is more likely to make you ill I think. I survived summer 2008 in an office in southern Germany without air-conditioning but with no major problems.
On the occasional day when the heat is “unerträglich”, you can probably appreciate the luxury of air-conditioning, but generally it’s just something that Americans are obsessed with.
November 14th, 2008 at 10:18 am
No it isn´t “Kreislaufstörung”
I can not good English, but you know, it is something with the Muscle.
The Muscle will be Inflexible for some Time.
November 19th, 2008 at 10:42 am
It was mentioned already before but never forget the deadly “hairdryer” in Bavaria. This deadly “Föhn” drives people nuts and the suicide rate goes up the sky. Also the crime rate. Might be also the real reason for global warming and the financial crisis.
well thats the impression when you talk to the locals about it.
December 4th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
The Germans suffer from two major illnesses, which, when combined, account for over 125% of all doctors visits in this country.
Firstly there is the Zug, or Train. German is normally a very hard-sounding language, but if you want to hear it sound whiny, just go into any open plan office and open a window. Within seconds, people around the room will instinctively chorus “es zieht”. This short phrase roughly translates as “I can feel air moving across my neck and am now frightened that I may die before I get home. Please shut the window immediately. While you do so, I shall retreat to the cafeteria and drink some delicious herbal tea with added bat secretions in order to ward off the Grim Reaper”.
The second major weakness in the constitution of the people of this nation is the dreaded Kreislaufkollaps. Did you stand up a little too quickly and feel dizzy? It’s a Kreislaufkollaps. Are you tired? You’re on the verge of a Kreislaufkollaps and need an immediate Kur before it’s too late. Even if you have just been hit by a car and are lying in a pool of blood on the road, it can usually be put down to your Kreislauf… The solution to all of these problems? More herbal tea, of course! Studies have shown that people who drink 192 cups of camomile tea per hour will have less Kreislaufkollapse than anyone else, partially because they are now glued to the toilet seat…
I have lived in Germany for 14 years and have never one felt a Train or discovered that I even have a Kreislauf… So “Deutschland, Deutschland, über alles”, or “German, German overalls” as we prefer to say!
December 8th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Well, yes, the draught is an imagined condition and cause of sickness, but, like so many imaginations, it tends to become real because people belief in it.
Probably people cramp their neck muscles when they sense moving air and consequently acquire the symptons of a draught because of their being frightened of it.
I have found proof that Usaians also know the imaginative sickness-causing effects of a draught in The New York Times:
http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/pdf?_r=1&res=9B0CE1D9163EE033A25754C0A9659C946697D6CF
There is a ritual of ‘Durchlüften’ that germans use to get fresh air while avoiding the deadly effects of a continued draught. It is quite funny. First the bureau is heated to 25°C, or more. Then someone has to enter, exclaiming ‘Die Luft ist verbraucht!’ (The air is spent). Then everyone agrees to durchlüften for no more than exactly five minutes and goes fetching their wintercoat and scarf. Having taken these precautions to prevent catching a deadly draught, every window and door in the room will be opened wide, and kept so for exactly 300 seconds. By then, everyone will be trembling from cold and wrapping their arms around their body, and keep their warmest clothes on for at least half an hour, while the room is being re-heated by the most-efficient-in-the-world german central heating system. (If the sun shines, they may well go outside to eat some ice.) The ‘durchlüften’ may be repeated in the afternoon, when nearly everyone who survived the morning ‘durchlüften’ has left to prepare a warm meal for their husband and children.
We are so ridiculous I’m glad not to be one of us.
December 9th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I have to answer with a typical German comment because I have the impression that you believe what you say
Well, the translation is draft as was said above and the reason why it’s uncomfortable is the “windchill” effect. Google it if you never heard about it.
Kai: what you describe as “Durchlüften” is actually the ecologically recommended way to get fresh air into a room without wasting a lot of energy and lowering the humidity in the room (low air humidity causes skin problems for many people in winter). Keep in mind that a large fraction of energy consumption goes into heating buildings in northern countries.
If you do the brief “durchlüften” what happens is that the spent warm air is replaced by fresh cold air. The walls of the building remain warm however and the energy loss is quite low as air does not carry a lot of heat. Because the walls remain warmer than the air the humidity does not condense on the walls and you have less problems with mildew on the walls.
If you do the opposite and leave windows open a little bit all the time you will also cool the walls and lose much more energy to the escaping warm air. Further you will get mildew problems in places where the wall is the coldest (usually in the room corners) and low humidity.
December 10th, 2008 at 3:43 am
@Karsten: that is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. I believe what I say,
January 18th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Thank you for your very entertaining blog,
I had to laugh out loud a couple of times (because your are so right most of the time).
I am working in a german “büro” without A/C and the only thing we can do to survive during summer is to open two windows in our room so that the “zug” cools us down enough to keep the brains from boiling.
my grandma often said “du holst dir noch den tod bei dem zug” so I’m kind of facing death ever day (summer-days at least).
In winter, “durchlüften” really is the best way to get fresh air into the room.
January 28th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
In the American South, there is a similar culprit known as “the Vapors” (pronounced vay-pahs). It usually only affects young women and causes feelings of faintness, which sounds like Kreislaufkollaps, except it is used to express embarrassment at sexual inuendo or sexual response to an attractive male. Examples: He (holding a cucumber): “Mine’s bigger.” She: “Oh my! I seem to be coming down with the Vapors”… Or, “That Fabio makes me suffer the Vapors something horrible.”
Do German women effectively use Kreislaufkollaps in the same way?
John
January 29th, 2009 at 12:02 am
@ Also John: For us non-Americans, it is sometimes difficult to tell if something often seen in Hollywood movies is just the invention of the writers, or if it is really like this in America - I am surprised to hear that in the case of the fainting women, it is the latter!
January 29th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
What can I say? Die Kunste das Leben kopiert. (Das ist richtig, ja?…)
John
January 30th, 2009 at 1:08 am
It should be: “Die Kunst kopiert das Leben.”
)
(Sorry, I realize German is a relatively hard language, but we Germans just have the urge correct wrong grammar…
Does a German version of the phrase “Art imitates live.” exist? I have a vague recollection that this might be the case… Aber ich komm ums Verrecken nicht drauf!
January 30th, 2009 at 1:31 am
Oops! “Live imitates art.” of course, not the other way round!
January 30th, 2009 at 1:41 am
@ Also John: Now I confused myself. Did you actually mean “Art imitates life.” (”Die Kunst kopiert das Leben.”), or rather “Life imitates art.” (”Das Leben kopiert die Kunst.”)?
January 30th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Whhhooop! Whhhooop! Der Ironiedetektor brochen ist! Laufen Sie für Ihre Leben!
February 4th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
By the way, the German for whiplash ist Schleudertrauma. (Not trying to be ironic.)
February 18th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
HAHA! Als ich klein war hatte ich fürchterliche Angst vor dem “Zieht”. Nächtelang lag ich wach im Bett und habe nach Zug-Geräuschen gelauscht, damit ich gegebenenfalls rechtzeitig ins Zimmer meiner Eltern flüchten konnte, bevor der schreckliche “Zieht” in mein Zimmer eindringen konnte.
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:08 am
The difference between the two countries is:
In Germany, you put your jacket on, leave the house and take it off when you’re at work.
In the US, you leave the house, taking your jacket with you to put it on at work, because all your American colleagues are still feeling hot when the AC is set to 68 degrees..
Not to speak of the waste of energy caused by air conditioning and bad insulation.
A lot of people get sick in summer just because it’s warm enough for summer clothing outside but all the restaurants, offices and malls are air conditioned about 30 degrees below outside temperature.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
EVERYTIME I went to see my daughter (living in the USA) I got a cold in the airplane, the air condition was set too low, until I learned to cover myself with a windproof coat. I appreciate my A/C when it is really hot, but diudn’t mankind invent clothes to cover and ancover to our needs? (There are undergarments, blouses, sweaters, jackets..) An alle Deutschen: hier in Texas kann es morgens 5 Grad (Celsius) sein, da laufen junge Maedchen mit flip-flops rum, weil es ja mittags 20 Grad sein koennte. By the way, becoming infertile by sitting on cold concrete or stones has a reason: It can cause a pelvic infection - which can cause the fallopian tubes to glue together - no way for the fertilized ovum to get to the uterus!!!
September 9th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
I can’t resist that one …
Kreislaufkollaps is actually a symptom, not an illness. It’s a circulatory collapse, caused by anything from low/high blood pressure, over anaphylactic shocks, over high/low blood sugar levels, up to such stuff as brain tumors or epilepsy. Or in other words, a feinting fit. I used to have them (due sudden high blood pressure flashes) in my teens.
I won’t go near AC. It’s wasteful. The draft/draught problem however is certainly not exclusive to Germany or Germans. The Brits invented wing chairs to combat the drafts in their castles
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wing_chair
A “Zug” is precisely what the Prinz explained, onesidedly stiff musles where draft cooled muscle and nerves too much for comfort, resulting in a strain (of that muscle). The worst case scenario, which isn’t totally impossible in a country as perennially cold as Germany, may indeed be a (head) cold. Either is called “einen Zug haben”. In the US it’s simply called either a strain or a cold.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
For example, if a German woman sits on cold concrete, she will lose the ability to become pregnant.
Definitely not true, sorry.
They tell us that we’ll get BLADDER INFECTIONS though.
The RUSSIAN women lose the abilty to become pregnant if they sit on cold concrete tough…seriousely, I’m in Russia right now, and people told me that
November 11th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
This is the most entertaining site I have visited in a very long time - thank you all! I am Swiss but used to live in Germany (Bavaria and Baden Württemberg) for some years and learnt the following: you don’t just randomly open the windows in order to get some fresh air into your rooms. no, what you do is “Stoss- und Querlüften” and this means as much as opening the windows/doors that are opposite each other in order to achieve the best impact/result in the shortest possible way (saving energy and stuff). So please remember to “lüft” correctly.
And yes: Swiss girls do shave their armpits
cheers!
November 30th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
@Leonie, hey, I am german but live in Switzerland. And many (swiss) people here have the exact same strange beliefs about Zug. But then, maybe this weirdness was introduced to switzerland by the german immigrants