Although 300 million Americans have come to rely on air-conditioning as 20th Century necessity for comfort, 100% of Germans hate air conditioning with a passion. Germans would rather slave away at the office enduring 30°C temperatures and 90% humidity than be forced to cope with air the comes out of a machine at comfortable temperatures.
And it’s not just refrigerated air the Germans abhor so much, but rather any form of moving air at all. While Germans always love fresh air, the instant that air is set in motion it becomes deadly; a source of earth-shattering calamities.
Germans even have invented an illness, which is caused solely by the movement of air. The Zug, which couldn’t possibly be translated into English, because no English speaking person (despite our propensity for air conditioning) has ever been inflicted. But if a German tells another German, that they have caught a train?, then the sickly German receives instant sympathy for their suffering in this made-up affliction.
Also of note, temperature variations cause all kinds of bad things to happen to Germans. For example, if a German woman sits on cold concrete, she will lose the ability to become pregnant.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Grüß Dich, Astrid,
hier die Übersetzung:
Die Luft ist dem Deutschen sein Tod
Obwohl 300 Millionen Amerikaner sich mittlerweile auf den Komfort des 20. Jahrhunderts und somit auch auf Klimaanlagen verlassen, hassen 100% der Deutschen diese mit Leidenschaft. Deutsche würden lieber bei 30°C und 90 % Luftfeuchtigkeit im Büro vor sich hin arbeiten, als mit der Luft umgehen zu müssen, die in angenehmen Temperaturen aus einer Maschine kommt.
Und es ist nicht nur gekühlte Luft, die die Deutschen so hassen, sondern jede Form von sich bewegender Luft. Und obwohl sie frische Luft lieben, verwandelt sich diese in ihren Augen in eine tödliche Bakterienschleuder, sobald die Luft anfängt sich zu bewegen.
Deutsche haben sogar eigens erfundende Krankheiten, die alleine durch sich bewegende Luft hervorgerufen werden. Der Zug zum Beispiel, den man nicht einmal ins Englische übersetzen kann, weil keine englischsprachige Person jemals damit konfrontiert wurde (trotz unserer Neigung zur Benutzung von Klimaanlagen). Aber wenn ein Deutscher einem anderen Deutschen erzählt, dass er Zug bekommen hat, wird er für diese eingebildete Krankheit sofort bemitleidet.
Auch noch erwähnenswert ist, dass Temperaturunterschiede schlimme Dinge bei Deutschen hervorrufen können. So verlieren deutsche Frauen zum Beispiel die Fähigkeit Kinder zu bekommen, wenn sie auf kaltem Boden sitzen.
Liebe Grüße,
John
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May 4th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
actually it wouldn’t be train, but draft.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I didn’t know that sitting on cold concrete makes you infertile. When I was found sitting on stone steps as a teenager (in Germany of course) a woman told me that I’d get haemorrhoids. So, that’s what really happens.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
What about that other German disease, the deadly Kreislaufstörung? I think the only cure for that is to get written off sick while you visit your doctor wearing a scarf around your neck.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I think this is the right time to cite Mark Twain:
“There are some exceedingly useful words in this language. Schlag, for example; and Zug.[…]
Just the same with Zug. Strictly speaking, Zug means Pull, Tug, Draught, Procession, March, Progress, Flight, Direction, Expedition, Train, Caravan, Passage, Stroke, Touch, Line, Flourish, Trait of Character, Feature, Lineament, Chess-move, Organ-stop, Team, Whiff, Bias, Drawer, Propensity, Inhalation, Disposition: but that thing which it does not mean — when all its legitimate pennants have been hung on, has not been discovered yet.”
Source: http://www.crossmyt.com/hc/linghebr/awfgrmlg.html
May 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
There are some - for Germans - incomprehensible deseases in the US too, like if someone feels dizzy, they are probably “dehydrated”…? (ask a doctor, thats just silly).
I’d like to add that “Zug” comes from “ziehen” which means “to pull”. When there’s an intense airflow, we say the air “pulls” ..not meaning train.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:36 am
It’s not a made-up affliction. They really suffer.
Did you know that in countries where you get no money for suffering a whiplash in an accident, noone ever gets diagnosted with whiplash? Nonetheless, there _are_ people suffering from this elsewhere.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Zug is THE sickness-causing factor in germany while Fön is responsible for any kind of headache in bavaria
May 25th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I’m German and am constantly annoyed by old folks on (non-air-conditioned) local trains etc. telling everyone to keep the windows shut because of the “Zug”. It wasn’t until I reached adulthood that I finally discovered that this is a typically German thing. Usually, if you want a German *not* to do something, all you need to do is tell them that it’s typically German. Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to work here…
May 25th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
The Koreans are even more weird than the Germans about moving air. Germans may think they’re going to catch a cold when they fall asleep with the fan on - Koreans actually think they’re going to suffocate. Korean reversal: In Germany, you can catch a cold; in Korea cold catches YOU. OK, lame joke mode off.
May 26th, 2008 at 12:34 am
This is so true, the German people on my busses are constantly complaining. I have a good story right from the beginning, and that is that the A/C on the bus was built by the German Firma “Zumutung” , most don’t get it
June 4th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Yea, horrible. Moving cold air. Brrrr *shiver*
I hate open doors. I hate my AC in the office and i try to live without it as much as i can.
Maybe you need to grow up with constant Zug around you.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Die deutsche Überschrift ist ja wie aus dem Zwiebelfisch :).
Der Dativ ist dem Genitiv sein Tod…
June 19th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Dear John,
Vielen Dank für Deine perfekte Übsetzung,jetzt kann ich noch mehr lachen weil ich endlich jedes wort verstehe. Ich freue mich sehr dass meine Tochter einen Freund hat,der so wundervoll ironisch und frech ist und der uns Deutsche so gut kennt.Mach weiter so!!!!! wir lieben Dich
Bussi Astrid
July 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
also in Italy you must befare of “la corrente” (the draft)
http://burntbythetuscansun.blogspot.com/2008/06/you-know-youve-been-in-italy-far-too.html
July 6th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
My (German) mother-in-law kept making this big deal about our kids going barefoot in the house on their stone floors- because somehow the cold floors would cause them to have kidney problems. So apparently many more afflictions happen due to cold floors than most of us are aware!