Germans do things wrong

In 1713, when the International Assemly on How to Do Stuff met to determine the acceptable standards of the world, the Germans didn’t show up. That’s why when traveling or living in Germany, you will have to get used to the fact that they do everything wrong.

Germans start counting with 0. When you go to a hotel, they will tell you that your room is on the third floor, when it is actually on the fourth floor, because Germans don’t understand that the first thing counted is always 1, not 0. This has the side-effect of causing Germans to start counting with their thumb.

Germans don’t realize a phone number should have a fixed number of digits. In America we always use the same number of digits, so that when we give our phone number out, we kind of have a tune that we all sing it to. In Germany, you never know when to put down the pen, since your phone number could be 472323412232 or 7.

Germans don’t know how to work a calendar. First of all they write the date, month, and then the year seperated by dots instead of a month, date, and year sperated by slashes, like any reasonable person. But the weirdest thing is that Germans think the week starts on a Monday, so you always have to shift around the calendar in your head to figure out what they really mean.

With numbers, the Germans put a comma where the decimal goes, and decimals where the commas go.

The one thing the Germans did get right is that you drive on the right side of the road, which they probably decided on just to spite the British.

The silliest thing the Germans do is use the metric system. Everyone knows the inch is better than the centimeter, because it is bigger. Also, if you want to divide up a Subway footlong sub among 2,3,4, or 6 people, you make, 6,4,3, or 2 inch sections, respectively. Try that with the centimeter. The sections would be 15.24, 10.16, 7.62, or 5.08 cm. That’s simply too hard to remember.

God made the 7 day week, but it was the genius of George Washington that gave the world the 24 hour day, which lets you divide the day evenly into halves, thirds, quarters, sixths, eigths, twelveths, as well as twenty-fourths, which is the same reason the mile has 5,280 feet, so that you can divide it into one-thousand seven hundred sixtieths evenly.

The circle isn’t made up of 100 degrees for a reason. Think about it.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden

129 Responses to “Germans do things wrong”

  1. Manuel Says:

    “This has the side-effect of causing Germans to start counting with their thumb.”

    Eh? Do Americans only count to eight then or do they have ten fingers and two thumbs?

  2. DaB. Says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Metric_system.png - enough said. There only 3 states on this world wihich use the “wrong”, non-metric-system :P

  3. Manuel Says:

    I’d say America is in good company then. :D

  4. Susanna Says:

    I had to laugh so hard! Thank you

  5. Dent Says:

    “Everyone knows the inch is better than the centimeter, because it is bigger”

    That’s the ultimate american argument, isn’t it.

    Making fun about the metric system, now you’re in trouble.

  6. FB Says:

    Well, Date.Month.Year actually makes more sense because it starts with the smallest and ends with the highest rather than jumping around ;)

  7. SvB Says:

    Very funny, congrats :-)

    But that leads to a question: What’s the weekend called in the USA, when the week starts with sunday? And: Do the bible-belt creationists out there know there is someone ignoring the fact that God created the world from monday to saturday and rested on the /last/ day of the week, which is *drum roll* sunday?

    Regarding the metric system: We fake that. We talk about 3.5″ Floppy Disks and about a 21″ screen. And if some place is really far, it is “meilenweit weg”, only very rarely “kilometerweit”. And “wer den Pfennig nicht ehrt, ist den Taler nicht wert”, guess how many Pfennig are a Taler? And a Maß is not 1000 ccm but 850 or so, depends on the tapster.

    Keep on blogging, I like your style!

  8. torschtl Says:

    it`s all about getting used to sth… :-P

  9. Forodrim Says:

    Oh, don’t get me started on the refusal to use the metric system. :D
    You do know that you crashed the Mars Climate Orbiter because of that?

  10. Dirk Says:

    we even call a trillion a billion and a billion a Milliarde! and we call Humans Hamburger and eat Amerikaner! missguided us.

  11. Marc B. Says:

    A few years ago, when I was in the US for a while, I crossed the border north for two weeks of holiday in Canada. I don’t think I ever was so happy crossing a border before or after: Finally I did not have to calculate meters to yards, Km to miles, degrees Celsius to Fahrenheit. Ok, all of those I became quite familiar with over time, but I don’t understand PSI till this day and frankly: I don’t want to anymore.

  12. ts Says:

    @Forodrim: I personally don’t know how they manage with inches, yards, pounds, stones, gallons, ounces, gallons and all those fractional conversions between them. Maybe that makes a good training in head-calculation, instead of just adjusting a 0 here and there.
    But the Mars Climate Orbiter failed, as stated, because metric and US system collided, that’s where worlds brake down.

  13. kid yeah! Says:

    HAHA, you poor confused soul ;)

  14. Starstuff Says:

    *rofl* Thank you, this one was great! By the way, last time we (3 colleagues) ordered a footlong sandwich from subway we actually had to use the ruler to split it into even parts … ;)

  15. annabell Says:

    i m a German living in your country and besides all the fact that you are trying to be funny. what is it with you Americans and bad mouthing others ??? have you ever in you life seen Germany or been even close to Europe i guess not.
    you are like the rest of your country no culture

  16. Anonymous Says:

    Usually I’m all in favor of metric/imperial or little/middle endian flame wars but this article is written so trollish it’s basicly impossible to troll it. Way to ruin the fun.

  17. Crishan Says:

    @ Annabell:

    Satiredetektor defekt?
    Für Ironie zu sehr kognitiv gefordert?
    Den Schuss nicht gehört?

    Oder wolltest du uns erzählen, dass du zum Lachen in den Keller gehst,
    aber vorher noch 3 Mal hinter dir abschließt?

    Da man es dir ja wahrscheinlich mit dem Schmiedehammer
    in deinen Schädel treiben muss (weil du es sonst nicht begreifst):
    Dieses Blog ist ironisch zu verstehen. Es spielt mit Stereotypen.
    Es macht sich lustig. Herrgott!

  18. Miriam Says:

    @ anabell:
    Don´t take this too serious, it´s just a funny blog, I really enjoy it!
    And don´t you also have some jokes about the americans?? =)
    In addition, I think that the author has been to Germany at least once in his lifetime because he really knows everything about our (sometimes) stupid habits =)

  19. Fabian Says:

    annabell tut mir leid….
    Satire und Ironie gehören zu den besten Erfindungen der Menschheit und sie übersieht sie einfach :(

    @ John: I love this blog <3 *g*

  20. Bob Says:

    I don’t get it. Why do you guys split sandwiches? :D

  21. AnotherGerman Says:

    Well, nothing beats a good sense of irony, and judging by the replies, most of them in a defensive tone so far, yours has been wasted on us once more…

    That said…:

    Germans are in fact not alone when it comes to counting floors from “0″. Even in Britain, believe it or not, when you enter a building at street level, you usually do so on the GROUND floor, above which you find the first floor.

    Phone numbers here do not come in a standardized 7-digit format like they do in North America, yes… the question however is: why should they? In fact, few local telephone numbers here have more than 7 digits. 7- and sometimes 8-digit numbers are typically assigned in large urban areas, most of which actually only have a 3- to 4-digit area code (compared to invariably 3 digits in the US). In more rural areas and smaller cities, area codes may be longer, but individual phone numbers are shorter. Overall, it is pretty safe to say that give or take, maybe phone numbers here are one or two digits longer on average, counting the area code. For someone literate enough to memorize or jot down phone numbers to begin with, however, that should make little difference!

    As for calendars… the United States is in fact one of the few countries that has date notation backwards! Throughout Continental Europe and the British Isles, the preferred order is day.month.year. By convention, a week in the EU starts everywhere on a Monday, so we are really not all alone on that one either.

    Putting a comma where a dot goes and vice versa… again, with the exception of the British Isles, you will find that nearly everyone in Europe does it that way.

    And lastly… the Metric system is structured much more logically than the Imperial system that is still in use in the US. You don’t have to remember that one foot equals 12 inches, that a yard equals god knows what and how many feet there are in a mile. Everything is neatly centered around the idea of exponential multiples and fractions of the Meter. Why do you suppose most nations on earth use it instead of the old Imperial system?

  22. Christoph Says:

    @annabell:
    “what is it with you Americans and bad mouthing others”
    “you are like the rest of your country no culture”
    gnihihihi

    But you totally forgot another stupid German thing:
    Celsius instead of Fahrenheit! Fahrenheit was German, but we just don’t appreciate his great work.
    Freezing Point at 32° is better than at 0°, because it’s _bigger_ and 212° as boiling point is better than 100° for the same reason.
    But could you please explain again why Americans live more convenient than the convenient-hating Germans? :D

  23. xion Says:

    As a matter of fact by inventing popular programming languages American scientists decided to start array indices at position “0″, not “1″. And since the word scientist states “they are probably smarter than you”, just sit back and repeat “This all makes perfectly sense” a couple of times. You may also bow towards Berkeley University or Bell Labs, whichever you prefer.

  24. simi1983 Says:

    for this article there’s just one comment: erbsenzähler!!!!

  25. char Says:

    Weiss jemand, warum das Datum in den USA so komisch geschrieben wird bzw. woher das kommt? ISO-Norm ist YYYY-MM-DD; in vielen Staaten ist es, wie gesagt, DD.MM.YYYY. Beides macht Sinn, das amerikanische aber ueberhaupt nicht.

  26. Manuel Says:

    xion:
    Mathematicians started counting from zero “a few” years before that.

  27. Manuel Says:

    addition:

    My guess would be 17th century or even way before that.

  28. Manuel Says:

    probably b.c.

  29. Fizgig Says:

    John: This entry was just perfect.

    I always think, we germans DO it always right, but you convinced me: bigger is better.
    But really, i always use the american way for date for naming files, cos so they sort properly, not like the european format.

    To add to the phone thing, i think the maximum digit number worldwide is 12 digits include the country code without 0 and area code without zero. Shorter is possible, longer not.

  30. Marc B. Says:

    Fizgig: Anyone, who uses anything but YYYY-MM-DD in filenames, is an utter idiot. Only by this format the alphabetic sort gives you a numerical sort as well. It isn’t the mandatory ISO norm for nothing.

  31. Daddeldu Says:

    Hallo,

    “Germans start counting with 0. When you go to a hotel, they will tell you that your room is on the third floor, when it is actually on the fourth floor, because Germans don’t understand that the first thing counted is always 1, not 0.”

    Als Deutscher, der ich nun mal bin, kann ich nicht widerstehen Dich zu korrigieren: Das Hotelpersonal zählt nicht anders, es macht einen Übersetzungsfehler. Es meint, ein Stockwerk wäre das selbe wie ein floor.

    Ein Stockwerk ist aber ein Gewerk, welches auf dem Erdgeschoss aufgestockt, also draufgesetzt, ist. Deshalb ist das Erdgeschoss selbst nie ein Stockwerk. Und darum sieht die Übersetzung so aus:

    4th floor - 3. Stockwerk
    3rd floor - 2. Stockwerk
    2nd floor - 1. Stockwerk
    1st floor - Erdgeschoss

    Gruß, Daddeldu

  32. yaaz Says:

    Hey Pal … nice blog. As a German with strong ties and regular visits to the US I enjoy it very much.

    Now, just one comment on the comments: The week starting on Sunday is actually the “right” way, going back to the biblical week of creation. 6 days for making everything, one day to rest. And since the Jewish people still commemorate that seventh day on .. right: SATURDAY (Shabbath) … that day is the last day of the week. No the Sunday.

    Cheers :-)

  33. flipflop Says:

    One can remember that weird date-formatting using a speech of FDJ: “Yesterday, December 7th 1941, …”
    But as long as those overseas guys calc their gas in square gallons per cube dollar, they will remain as a -big- island of wrong measuring.

  34. RonMexico Says:

    “Everyone knows the inch is better than the centimeter, because it is bigger”

    GREAT
    HILARIOUS

  35. kholerik Says:

    The great thing about gallons is that they differ from country to country. Just like in the days of yore… “I’d like 5 cubits of that linen.” “Bavarian cubits or saxon cubits?”

    The definition of a gallon includes, I believe, the latitude and longitude of the location of measuring, the name of the current US president, the air pressure and the median of the shoe sizes of the persons observing the process.

  36. Dent Says:

    Actually we use pounds in Germany, of course one pound equals exactly 500 g.

    Let me add two things who really deserve the attribute senseless:

    Our 7 has a small - right in the middle and 99 in German is “neunundneunzig” (9+90), which is still better than the french solution “quatre-vingt-dix-neuf” (4×20+19), although both version as well as the english one are superior to the most simple latin term IC

  37. Christoph Kratistos Says:

    @Daddeldu:
    Nö, die Briten zählen auch wie wir, das hat nix mit Übersetzungfehler zu tun.

  38. Axel Says:

    @yaaz,

    from a strictly biblical point of view, you’re right. But historically, it was a bit more complicated. See the German Wikipedia entry for “Sonntag” for some religious/historical background information and some reasons why Christians changed their “holy day of the week” to Sunday.

  39. Ares Says:

    There is no arguing about when the week starts: if Mittwoch/wednesday is to be the middle of the week (=4th day out of 7), the 1st day has to be sunday. Sorry, religious fundamentalists, but your Bible got it all wrong.

    Yes, we do start counting at 0. Have you ever wondered where the term ‘00′ for restroom comes from ? When hotel rooms did not have individual restrooms but one for the whole floor, it was marked as ‘room 00′.

  40. Louffi Says:

    Come on, admit it: you really *miss* living here! :D

  41. dazzler Says:

    Der Artikel ist großartig, leider hast du den nicht ironischen Teil vergessen.
    Die Deutschen können nicht zählen.
    Jedes Land zählt bei 2-stelligen Zahlen zu erst die Zehner und dann die Einer, bei 3-stelligen zahlen zu erst die Hunderter, dann die Zehner und zum Schluss die Einer. Das setz sich so fort.
    In Deutschland zählen wir bei 2-stelligen Zahlen zu erst den Einer und dann die Zehner, also 23-’drei und zwanzig’. Werden die Zahlen größer fangen wir mit der größten Zahl an, hören aber wieder mit dem Zehner auf und nicht mit dem Einer, also 1458-’eintausend vierhundert acht und fünfzig’. Das ist für mich ab und zu noch schwer und ich lebe seit meiner Geburt in Deutschland.

    Translation:
    A very good article, but you forgot the non ironic part.
    Germans can’t count.
    In every language I know, numbers with 2-digits were count : first the ‘tenner’ and then the ’single’. Numbers with 3-digits were count hundreds first then ‘tenner’ and last ’single’.
    In Germany we count only numbers with two digits in the other way first ’singel’ and then the ‘tenner’, so 23-’three and twenty’.
    Every number with more than two digits we start count we with the highest, but don’t end with the ’single’. So 1458-’one thousand four hundred eight and fifty’.
    I live in Germany since my birthday, but I have problems with these counting until today.

  42. bernie Says:

    hi alle,

    wieso schreibt Ihr alle eigentlich englisch?
    hier ist sowieso kein ami der kein deutsch versteht!

    zu geil, in jedem artikel! :)

  43. Dent Says:

    Just tryin’ to be polite.

  44. dazzler Says:

    @bernie:

    guckst du hier : http://is.gd/mZd

  45. Werner from Austria Says:

    “Everyone knows the inch is better than the centimeter, because it is bigger.”

    Hmm. I don’t think so. 20cm sounds much more impressive than 8″. And we don’t count floors, we count storeys.

    Keep going with the blog :)

  46. yaaz Says:

    Ares,

    “if Mittwoch/wednesday is to be the middle of the week (=4th day out of 7), the 1st day has to be sunday.”

    You are exactly right. And that does not contradict the biblical reason for the week starting on Sunday at all. So it begs the question why you also wrote:

    “Sorry, religious fundamentalists, but your Bible got it all wrong.”

    ;-)

  47. Lillifee Says:

    Lol, great blog again!
    Nun man lernt nie aus was die Amis so alles an uns als merkwürdig empfinden und uns gehts andersrum nicht besser, hihi. Is doch egal wann für wen die Woche wann anfängt, aber schließlich fängt man am Montag wieder an zu arbeiten, also ist es doch VOLL LOGISCH daß es der erste Tag der Woche ist *kopfschüttel*
    I love your site!!!

  48. bernie Says:

    @ dazzler,

    da find ich keine erklärung sondern wieder nur viele deutsche die meinten, sie müssten hier englisch reden, damit alle anderen (deutschen) sie verstehen ;)

    einfach nur witzig! :)

    aber die artikel sind cool :)

  49. Eddi Says:

    actually, the germans DO have a constant amount of digits in telephone numbers.

    telephone numbers are formed like:
    0xxx yyyyyyy [large cities]
    or
    0xxxxx yyyyy [rural areas]

    where x+y is always 10 digits long. the shorter the area code gets, the longer the local number gets.

    the 0 technically does not belong to the area code. it indicates the phone company that you intend to leave the local context, the first x and first y is never 0, you leave out the 0 if you come from international context (+49)

  50. yaaz Says:

    1. fremdsprache üben
    2. das blog ist ja auch auf englisch. also dürfen die Kommentare es auch sein.

    :-)

  51. Bird of Prey Says:

    Man can auch after jedem word die language wechseln! ;-)

  52. xion Says:

    @bernie: Politeness demands to discuss topics in the language the host has chosen to write in.

  53. Luke Says:

    >> But the weirdest thing is that Germans think the week starts on a Monday

    >> God made the 7 day week…

    And do you recall on which day he rested? Exactly.

    And by the way…

    Both Americans and Germans write the dates the wrong way.
    YYYY-MM-DD is the way to go. Sorting made easy…

  54. Luke Says:

    >> telephone numbers are formed like:
    >> 0xxx yyyyyyy [large cities]
    >> or
    >> 0xxxxx yyyyy [rural areas]

    Wrong. Small villages sometimes have XXXX-YYY. And mobile numbers can have 7 or more digits (w/o the prefix).

  55. Tcherman Says:

    Luke: If someone asks you what day it is, do you think they first want to hear about the year or month?

  56. Eddi Says:

    “Im Laufe der Entwicklung des Telefonnetzes wurden Vorwahlen immer wieder geändert, um bestimmte Nummernbereiche freizuräumen. Wenn in einem Ortsnetz der Nummernvorrat knapp wurde, wurde die Ortsvorwahl verkürzt, da die Gesamtzahl der Ziffern (ohne Verkehrsausscheidungsziffer 0) auf 10 Stellen begrenzt war. Diese Zahl ergibt sich gemäß ITU-Empfehlung E.163, wonach die internationale Rufnummer maximal 12 Stellen haben durfte, abzüglich des Ländercodes “49″ für Deutschland. 1997 wurde die Empfehlung durch E.164 ersetzt, die nun 15 Stellen erlaubt.”
    [wikipedia]

  57. xion Says:

    @Tcherman: As I never know where and when exactly the TARDIS is going to drop me, this would be the first thing I’d like to know.

  58. Luke Says:

    Tcherman:

    I was talking about _writing_ dates. Don’t care what you say first when I _ask_ you.

  59. Ares Says:

    Ok, wenn einige deutsch bevorzugen:

    Von allen Wochentagen dürfte der Sonntag wohl das sein, was einem ‘Ruhetag’ am nächsten kommt:

    Also ward vollendet Himmel und Erde mit ihrem ganzen Heer. Und also vollendete Gott am siebenten Tage seine Werke, die er machte, und ruhte am siebenten Tage von allen seinen Werken, die er machte. {Johannes.5,17} 5,17
    Jesus aber antwortete Ihnen: Mein Vater wirkt bisher, und ich wirke auch.{Hebräer.4,4} 4,4
    sprach er an einem Ort von dem siebenten Tag also: “Und Gott ruhte am siebenten Tage von allen seinen Werken;”{Hebräer.4,10} 4,10
    Denn wer zu seiner Ruhe gekommen ist, der ruht auch von seinen Werken gleichwie Gott von seinen. Und Gott segnete den siebenten Tag und heiligte ihn, darum daß er an demselben geruht hatte von allen seinen Werken, die Gott schuf und machte. {2 Mose.20,8} 20,8
    Gedenke des Sabbattags, daß Du ihn heiligest. Also ist Himmel und Erde geworden, da sie geschaffen sind, zu der Zeit, da Gott der HERR Erde und Himmel machte.

    Daher kommt wohl der Glaube, daß Sonntag der siebte Tag sei (hast Du Dir mal Deine Kalender genauer angesehen ? bei allen dürfte die Woche mit Montag beginnen: MDMDFSS).

    Bei den Juden ist der Ruhetag Sabbat (größtenteils) am Samstag, aber das ist bei uns eher nebensächlich.

  60. Dent Says:

    I start working on mondays, so I don’t f****ng care what the old or new testament, the Qu’ran or the bloddy “shopping weekly” says when the week starts.

  61. Wendy Says:

    Hi,

    I always have to think, how to check a date if I switch between european and american booking-engines…

    But for your confusion: the US army uses the european way of writing dates: dd mm yyyy…

    Smile…funny thing

    Wendy

  62. Andreas Says:

    “The circle isn’t made up of 100 degrees in it for a reson. Think about it.”

    Ha! You’re right: the circle is 400gon = 400,000cgon = 400,000,000mgon!

  63. IM Informand Says:

    Hi to all,

    I found in the geman Wikipedia the following entry:

    http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wochentag

    Zählung der Wochentage
    Bis 1976 war der Sonntag in der Bundesrepublik Deutschland der erste Wochentag.
    Diese Regelung wurde durch DIN1355 (ISO/R 2015-1971) abgelöst, die den Montag zum ersten Wochentag macht.
    In der DDR trat diese Änderung bereits 1969 in Kraft.
    Der Sonntag ist auch heute noch in England, Nordamerika und vielen anderen Teilen der Welt der 1. Wochentag, entsprechend der jüdischen und christlichen Zählung.
    Seit 1978 ist auf Beschluss der UNO der Montag international der erste Tag der Woche, der Sonntag wird zusammen mit dem Samstag zum Wochenende gerechnet.
    Die Tage Montag bis Samstag gelten als Werktage, der Sonntag als besonders geschützter Ruhetag.

    btw, a great Blog

  64. Frank Says:

    If God would have created the world in 7 days, which was the day he finished? Saturday or Sunday?
    It was Sunday and because of that on Sunday noone have to work and usually go to church (at least in history).
    So, when did God start the work?
    Righty! On Monday… ;-)

  65. Frank Says:

    The metric system doesn’t base on the Zentimeter but the Meter and and a Meter is abou 39 times bigger than an inch.
    A meter is also bigger than a yard… ;-)

  66. Christian Says:

    Hello…
    Great blog but the irony (if it was such) of this post was obviously lost on a lot of folks. If it was indeed not ironic, well, not comment in that case…
    Metric system rocks! (who can remember all the weird little illogical measurement units y’all have in the US and Britain? And why even call it a “foot”? My foot multiplied by six does not make my height of six feet… LOL).
    keep blogging!

  67. Tilman Baumann Says:

    Lol, you made my day. :)
    btw. The situation of floor numbering is more dificult than you might think.
    As Daddeldu pointed out there is a diference between Stockwerk and Floor.
    We in Germany have two meanings too. Depends on where you live.

    I call Erdgeschoss also as Erster Stock. It’s wrong, but it like it. :)

    And our bizarre counting system is really a laugh. (As dazzler already pointed out)

  68. Andreas Says:

    As Tilman said: “The situation of floor numbering is more dificult than you might think.”

    In our company building we even have:

    5th floor - 3. Stock
    4th floor - 2. Stock
    3rd floor - 1. Stock
    2nd floor - Zwischengeschoss
    1st floor - Erdgeschoss

    And below that you’ll find the “Kellergeschoss”.

    :-)

  69. Conrad Says:

    Well done dude! But why all these get-an-asian-bride ads?

  70. John Says:

    Thanks Conrad. I don’t pick the ads, Google does. See FAQ.

  71. Norbi Says:

    “Everyone knows the inch is better than the centimeter, because it is bigger”

    But a decimeter (10cm) is nearly four times bigger than your [explitive] inch! HA!

    Editor’s note: potty mouth.

  72. Anne Says:

    “If God would have created the world in 7 days, which was the day he finished? Saturday or Sunday?
    It was Sunday and because of that on Sunday noone have to work and usually go to church (at least in history).
    So, when did God start the work?
    Righty! On Monday… ;-)”

    Wrong.

    At least in history, the Torah was around long before the Christian Bible. What Christians refer to as the Old Testament (At least the first 5 books, including Genesis) is essentially the Torah. And in the Jewish religion the Sabbath (shabbat) is and always has been Saturday with Sunday being the first day of the week.

  73. Jessica Says:

    America is stupid for not using the metric system. (By the way, I’m American.)

    In my Chemistry and Physics classes, we had to use the metric system and it took me forever to learn because I was so used to the other system. After I figured out the easy way of converting in the metric system, then other one didn’t make sense.
    12 inches makes a foot. 3 Feet makes a yard. 5280 feet make up a mile which would be 1760 yards…WTF?!

  74. Heiko Says:

    I guess your sense of humor (sarcasm/ironie) is freshly imported from Germany. Otherwise you could take this for real :)

  75. German Girl Says:

    To me, what’s REALLY hilarious about this article is that it makes fun of the American way to deal with differences between other countries and theirs. Most Americans seriously think (or at least say) their system is RIGHT and ours WRONG. When I buy beer here and show my German driver’s license, I have had the following conversation a couple of times with the person on the check out:

    “Something’s wrong with your birthdate, there are no 25 months in a year” [-> my birthday is on the 25th of September], me: “yeah, we Germans write the day first, then the month and then the year” - “oh, I see, so you write dates the wrong way!” (This person is not joking, rather they utter this in a completely surprised and stunned way)

    Americans are hilarious with respect to this, and a lot of them don’t even know it. I’m not offended in situations like this, I am just thankful for each laugh I can share with my fiance about people like this :D

  76. Zahl Says:

    While most things are just a question of habit, I cannot see any logic in mm-dd-yyyy. With dd-mm-yyyy you have the smallest unit first, then a bigger one and then the biggest. The American way is just screwed up. Why don’t you write the time like mm:hh:ss then?

    @German Girl: I guess in such a situation I would so much be tempted to say “no, we write them the better way” :-D

  77. John Says:

    Zahl, we say June 1st, 2008, so we abbreviate that way to 6/1/08. Ya’ll say am Ersten Juni, 2008, so you abbreviate it 6.1.08.

    Now, why we say the month first is what makes no sense.

    But everything that is different than the way I grew up is wrong, so it doesn’t matter if it’s logical or not.

  78. westernworld Says:

    @char

    “Weiss jemand, warum das Datum in den USA so komisch geschrieben wird bzw. woher das kommt? ”

    das hat gott der herr so verfügt als er und george washington noch an der regierung waren.

    aber ernsthaft …

  79. Bird of Prey Says:

    And the LORD said to Washington: “Thou shalt not put the day before the month, for I, the owner oh this country, forbid thee to do this!” :-D

  80. titrat Says:

    Everyone knows the “Liter” is better than the “gallon”, because it is bigger.

  81. S. Says:

    An article from a citizen of a country using ANCIENT units of measurement such as foot (there are different sizes of feet), grain, ounce, stone and Fahrenheit. Europeans use more or less the same units of measurements, so don’t think you are superb just because yours are different.

  82. kerim bey Says:

    In germany Subway don’t provide footlong. Only 15cm and 30cm!
    Sorry, could not resist.

  83. Volker Says:

    I think the funniest thing is how we (the Germans) try to justify ourselves within the comments.

  84. tho_schmitz Says:

    Great story, but why does it stop at a sudden? Why not extend this topic to the German’s most interesting matter (besides soccer): cars!

    Concerning cars, Germans do everything wrong!

    Germans measure a car engine’s torque in Nm (Newton meter). Because Americans distrust the British (including their scientists), they decided to go for Foot Pound.

    And then there is that fuel economy thing. In Germany, a car’s “Verbrauch” is measured in l/100 km. After filling up a car, a German driver always ends up in despair when trying to calculate the fuel consumption. Thank God, the Americans know how. So, everything else than mileage (miles per gallon) is rubbish, obviously.

    On the other hand, what Germans really know is how to put a car under a complete insurance package. Not only will a German driver with no moments of hesitation go for a “Vollkaskoversicherung” (should translate to CCC waiver or comprehensive collision coverage, I guess) even for a 12 year old car, many of them will have an additional passenger insurance, which is a subset of the ccc, but it gives you a good feeling, just in case.

    Or did I misunderstand the story - is an article about Germans and their cars about to follow?

    Greeetz, Thomas

  85. dasGNU Says:

    In _all_ the Siemens-buildings (in Germany) I ever was the “Erdgeschoss” is labeled with “2″ inside the elevators. If you choose “1″ you will enter the basement. Does anyone know why?

  86. Klaus Says:

    > In _all_ the Siemens-buildings (in Germany) I ever was the “Erdgeschoss” is labeled with “2?inside the elevators. If you choose “1?you will enter the basement. Does anyone know why?

    No idea. Perhaps to avoid negative level numbers…?

    Now, all I remember were Siemens buildings which were situated on a hill’s slope. You could enter one building at the “Erdgeschoss” (ground level), go down two levels and exit it at the other side, also at ground level. Obviously, marking a level with “E” (or zero) for ground level makes no sense if there atwo different ground levels.

  87. Saakje Says:

    @Ares Says: >> Von allen Wochentagen dürfte der Sonntag wohl das sein, was einem ‘Ruhetag’ am nächsten kommt: Also ward vollendet Himmel und Erde mit ihrem ganzen Heer. Und also vollendete Gott am siebenten Tage seine Werke, die er machte, und ruhte am siebenten Tage von allen seinen Werken, die er machte. … Bei den Juden ist der Ruhetag Sabbat (größtenteils) am Samstag, aber das ist bei uns eher nebensächlich. <<
    Der Sonntag ist bei den Christen nicht der Ruhetag, weil das der siebente Tag wäre, sondern weil da Jesus auferstanden sein soll. Schau das Osterfest ab - und Du wirst es erkennen.
    Oder um es anders zu sagen und Du dem alten Testament nicht folgst, sondern nur dem neuen Testament:
    Dem neuen Testament zufolge wurde Jesus bereits am Freitag vom Kreuz genommen, weil der Samstag der Ruhetag ist. Die Jünger haben dazu die Erlaubnis bekommen, nachdem er schon überraschend schnell gestorben war. (Sonst hätte er bis mindestens Sonntag hängen bleiben müssen.)
    Und am Sonntagmorgen gingen die Frauen zum Grab um den Leichnam zu waschen. Dies durften sie am Samstag ja nicht, weil es Ruhetag war. Und wir reden hier von Jesus-Anhängern… ;)

  88. Bernd Says:

    “The circle isn’t made up of 100 degrees in it for a reson. Think about it.”

    Thought about it… it’s made up of 2 times PI.

  89. weezey Says:

    Lol ur not right. No country except stupid america still counts with lenghts of feet or thumbs. We did that in the middleage but not know, america has to learn a lot

  90. dbuttoms Says:

    About the counting: Isn’t it thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, and so on, but then twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, and so on - now that’s mixed up ;) And most other things that may look weired are just because of European standardi[s|z]ation…

  91. Yves Says:

    The side of the road thing is pretty interesting:

    Historically almost everybody drove on the left side of the road. This was because road rules were determined by the fact that most people are right handed and that therefore a man on a horse would have his strong arm in the middle of the road. In particular most large European roads were built to allow the houshold cavalry of the various Kings and Aristocracy served as effective police forces (this is prior to the invention of real police by Sir Robert Peele of the UK) to arrive at their destinations (typically riots by the peasants) as quickly and efficiently as possible. A Cavalry rider holds his saber in his right hand, and would be at a severe disadvantage on the right side of the road. This all changed when Napoleon came and conquered Europe. He was a lefty, and forced the change to the right hand side of the road — because he could and because it suited HIM.

    The nations that didn’t switch were the ones that weren’t conquered. And Germany (or rather the assortment of principalities and kingdoms that made up Germany at the time) was mostly conquered by Napoleon and therefore adopted many Napoleonic practices, not least which side of the road they drive on. (For instance their system of law is essentially derived from the Napoleonic code). The European nations that weren’t conquered by Napoleon switched mostly in the last 50 years in order reduce traffic accidents when driving from one country to the other and in order to get access to cheaper cars. Since most nations drive on the right, and since mass production of cars was invented in a nation that drove on the right (probably because of French influence on the embryonic American state) it was the case and still is that it is cheaper to buy cars designed to drive on the right.

    The holdouts of course are islands that were never within Napoleonic power and who being on islands never really had safety issues with people crossing from one side to the other, and who had compelling historical reasons not to follow the American standard. That is: the UK, Japan and Australia (and probably New Zealand — I’m not sure.) If you check your history books there were several European nations that were not conquered by Napoleon that switched in the mid-70’s. Apparently this was quite a shock to the driving public.

    Personally I find it quite amusing that you find that a French standard makes so much sense, especially in the context of a comparison of Germans and Americans.

  92. Zomb Says:

    @Dent: Actually, 99 in French roughly translates to 4 20 10 9 concatenated, language student have big fun while interpreting it ;-)

  93. Mane Says:

    America never was an ideal :-)

  94. anonymouse Says:

    The one thing the Germans did get right is that you drive on the right side of the road, which they probably decided on just to spite the British.

    Nööööö The reasons are historical!
    It was Napoleon Bonaparte who deceided to adopt the ‘new fangled’ Metric system and have his troops march on the right. He also devoloped/adopted a ‘new’ tactic of attacking from the (seen from the eyes of the enemy) right hand side: this had the advantage that the (right handed, typically military, standardised, firing soldiers had to ‘right dress’ to fire at the attackers!

    Back to the reason that driving on the left is the ‘right side’: in the days when swords where carried (BEFORE) the USA was born ;O) the man always walked on the ‘road side’ (Right) as he still does when walking up the isle! this was nothing to do with protecting the female from dirt, but everything to do with protecting her from assault. the sword (right arm) was free to swing, and he was free to step into the road for more room. This was also the case when on horseback: and was thus ‘adopted’ when motor vehicles started to arrive on the roads. Imagine the caos if the Motor vehicles drove on the left, the horses/carrages on the right!!!
    Footnote: swords are also the reason staircases are clockwise wound when climbing them: see any old castle (do you have them in the USA outside of films/Disney World?).

  95. Christian Eneremadu Says:

    Driving on the right of the road, i think Germans got it right, we often use our right hand easier than the left eg, like changing gear and etc. and more countries in the world drive on the right more than left.
    what i think they got wrong is their written words. the words are prounced like english word said wrongly. but the bottom line is that every nation want to have their identity. Cheers, Christian Eneremadu, Hamburg. Germany.

  96. Lofty Says:

    To whom it may concern: Es ist festzustellen, dass die Schreiber hier,die von Satire oder Ironie schreiben, keine Ahnung haben, was diese beiden Begriffe real bedeuten. Daher sollten sie sich besser ein wenig informieren. Hier lese ich nur Gehässigkeiten. Kennt jemand einen Amerikaner, der sich, seine Mitbuerger und sein Land mit Selbstironie und entsprechender Satire überzieht? Sicher nicht, denn alles, was Amis tun oder lassen, ist einmalig und immer richtig und das ist der Witz, über den die ganze Welt lacht.

  97. Anonymous Says:

    Lofty is a softy.

  98. renaultjr Says:

    hey guys, i like how you people are blogging.i live in the s.f. bayarea since 2004.as a german myself,you keep comparing everything in the states with good old germany.you may think,things over there(in the old world)are better(and most of the time,they are better)because you grow up in that system.both have their ups and downs,but it`s not that difficult to adapt.so….you want some cheese with that wine?????? i like both countries a lot and i have chosen to live in the states for now.
    wuensche einen guten rutsch ins neue jahr - happy new year

  99. mmeierbier Says:

    “Germans start counting with 0.”
    Actually, only people from the western part. In former GDR, we count exactly like in America. Must be due to the old affection…

  100. Also John Says:

    Lofty und anderen;

    Haben Sie nicht aus “Seinfeld” gehoren? Ich kann nicht ein besseres Beispiel denken, der sich Ami über Ami lustig machen, mit Satire und Ironie verwenden. Das Programm war Sendung für 7 Jahre auf TV!

    Kommen Sie nach Amerika und mit uns Sie lachen! (Seinfeld Wiederholungen sind vermutlich Sendung für 50 Jahre…Wir so stupid sein!)

  101. Lofty Says:

    Wenn der sogenannte “Anonymus” mich kennen würde, erst dann stünde ihm ein Urteil zu, wer , wie oder was ich bin. Jedenfalls kein “Softy”. Kann man hier vielleicht schreiben, ohne die deutschtypischen Verunglimpfungen lesen zu müssen? Es genügt ja wohl, wenn die Amis ihren Dreck bei den Germans abladen, was allerdings oft deutschweites Gelächter auslöst. Sie wollen nun mal alles besser wissen und können, lassen wir sie einfach! Die ganze Welt besichtigt ja im Augenblick das Resultat ihrer Überlegenheit: Lehmann brothers? Kaputt! Citigroup? Kaputt! AIG? Kaputt! Genera Motors? Kaputt!
    Und das alles bei einem absolut überlegenen Ami-System. Macht einfach so weiter, die Welt hat etwas zum lachen.

  102. Moritz Says:

    I actually had to think for a moment if I should mention this, but then I thought “Why shouldn’t I?” So here you go: You misspelled “reson” at the very end of your post. Other than that, I’m loving your blog.

  103. John Says:

    Moritz, thanks for the tip.

  104. ... Says:

    http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internationales_Einheitensystem
    In der Europäischen Union (EU), der Schweiz und den meisten anderen Staaten ist die Benutzung des SI im amtlichen oder geschäftlichen Verkehr gesetzlich vorgeschrieben

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_System_of_Units

    Three nations have not officially adopted the International System of Units as their primary or sole system of measurement: Liberia, Myanmar and the United States.

    you’re so alone^^

  105. funnyList Says:

    I just want to quickly defend the germans, they may do some odd things, but there is nothing more comical than the vain attmepts of Americans to speak english. For the record one does not compete in a triath-A-lon, rather in a triathlon, ANd one can not feel nauseous rather they feel nauseated.

  106. funnyList Says:

    Sorry, hahaha. One does not feel nauseated when they are sick rather they feel . nauseous. Anyhow you understand

  107. Florian Says:

    Only 3 nations in the world use the non-metric system. Try to do some physical calculations with feet, inches and that crap.
    We have it way easier:
    1 m = 10 dm = 100 cm = 1000mm

  108. matt Says:

    that’s the best anti-US-habits article I’ve read for a while

  109. Aus BioLektors Notizenbuch » Blog Archiv » Nothing For UnGood Says:

    […] Blogbeitrag Germans do things wrong des Blogs “Nothing For UnGood (German Quirks from an American Perspective)” schildert […]

  110. Roman Says:

    According to Wikipedia, America is in good company with the communists: the Soviet Union, China and GDR do also count floors the wrong way. Instead, West Germany, the rest of Europe, Australia, South America and Africa do it right. If I were an American, I would start worrying about a gigantic communist conspiracy. There’s more behind…

  111. Herbert Says:

    >>>Die Deutschen können nicht zählen.
    Jedes Land zählt bei 2-stelligen Zahlen zu erst die Zehner und dann die Einer, bei 3-stelligen zahlen zu erst die Hunderter, dann die Zehner und zum Schluss die Einer. Das setz sich so fort. <<

    Chaucer:
    “At nyght was come into that hostelrey
    Wel nyne and twenty in a compaignye”

    or

    “Sing a song of sixpence, pocket full of rye
    Four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie…”

    or

    “When I was one-and-twenty
    I heard a wise man say,
    `Give crowns and pounds and guineas
    But not your heart away;

    Give pearls away and rubies
    But keep your fancy free.
    ‘But I was one-and-twenty
    No use to talk to me.

    When I was one-and-twenty
    I heard him say again,
    `The heart out of the bosom
    Was never given in vain;

    ‘Tis paid with sighs a plenty
    And sold for endless rue.
    ‘And I am two-and-twenty
    And oh, ’tis true, ’tis true.”

    (or just google for “threeandtwenty”, “sixandthirty”, “nineandforty” etc.)

  112. Michael Says:

    I think the most of you don’t know what they’re talking about.
    The small - in the 7 is only for students that the teachers don’t change it with 1.But usually we write a 7 just like you do.
    The metric system is much more better because you don’t need to remember numbers to get to the next section.The metric system is much easier:1µm x 1000 =1mm; 1mm x 10=1cm; 1cm x 10=1dm; 1dm x 10=1m; 1m x 1000=1km; 1km x 1000=1gm (Gigameter).
    The system is also connected with our other system: 1m³=1l(1l=1kg Water).
    1joule=1N(1N=0.1kg)x 1m

  113. Margit Says:

    Ironically enough,just look at the language, which tells you that Monday has to be the beginning of the week.
    No matter if German or English - what do you call Saturday AND Sunday?

    Exactly - weekEND - therefore, Sunday can’t be beginning and end at the same time…

    Need I say more?

    M

  114. you are stupid Says:

    every body knows that you are very silly and it´s better to stay at your home, and don´t come to germany or spain, cause we think with the same. so, i recomend you to stay in your stupid country and don´t try to understand us. i’m with margit in the weekEND its at the end, not the beginning for the week.

  115. Sabine Says:

    I work with fellows from many different countries - but Americans aren’t so intelligent as they think. Maybe my English isn’t very good, but I’ve seen Americans who live and work in Germany and who hadn’t learned ONE single word German - some problem always in the news, but connected with people who didn’t go to school in their countries.
    I’ve also seen an american manager (!!!) who couldn’t find Canada on a map.
    It’s not a catastrophe - but I’m missing some important sentence, especially from Americans and Russians: Yes, we make mistakes; yes, we aren’t perfect; yes, we are human beings like everyone else on the planet.

  116. Also John Says:

    So brainiacs, what day is on the left side (the beginning of the week) of your calendars? Or, when I leave my stupid country will I find that calendars are different in Germany and Spain, than in the REST OF THE WORLD? Oh, I guess they are all stupid too! Did I mention that everyone else is stupid? That’s right, the entire world is stupid except for Germany and Spain. Oh, and one more thing - the USA and everyone else on the planet are stupid, but not Germany and Spain. In summary, Germany and Spain are not stupid, but every other country is.

  117. Also John Says:

    I forgot to say that no one in Germany or Spain is stupid, but the rest of the civilized world is stupid.

  118. Also John Says:

    I’m trying to understand you so, I have to ask, is every square inch of dry land stupid except the land inside the borders of Germany and Spain?

  119. Laura Says:

    Just read your book (in German) and I loved it!
    So I had to have a look at the website and I also love the comments^^.

    btw: the americans I met told me that they think the metrical system and even the celcius system is more logical.

    and I really hate this telephone thing. my number consists of 6 numbers. my mum’s one of 5 and my friend’s of 7. weird…

    keep on writing!!

  120. Theo Says:

    …just finished the book (a christmas present). Had a smile on my face all the time. Perfect!
    “You are heavy on the wire.”
    Yeah, keep on writing silly things about germans. They´ll love it, especially Bavarians.

  121. Carl Says:

    When God created the world he was working hard for 6 days. During the six days ( today a famous bikerace in Munich Germany) he created all the people of the world. First men than women. He created the soil, fire wind and water and a lot of other things.
    The sequence I mentioned may not be correct, but it doesn´t matter so far. The seventh day he was seeking rest and withdraw into his restroom. Nowadays when you ask for the restroom don´t be open-mouthed. There is no bed for rest.
    When he laid down, suddenly he felt he forgot something: „Oh [crap], (its not proved yet that he said [crap]), I forgot the americans“ and he hurried up to finish them before the week starts.
    So this proves the week started on Monday and not on Sunday.
    When God hurried up to build the americans he was sad about his forgetfulnes (you know by yourself: haste makes waste) and he felt to compensate this with something special for them.
    He allowed them to live in his garden.

    The lesson is clear: monday is the beginning of the week and the forgetfulness of God brought the americans into Gods own country. ;))

  122. Henning Says:

    If the weeks starts on Sunday, can you still call it weekend?

  123. Blackeye Says:

    @ Herbert:
    Yes, a few hundred years ago we Brits also spoke (spake?) and wrote (writ?) our numbers the ‘wrong’ way round, but over time we found it was much more sensible to use them in descending order of size, i.e. from left to right, how we write them down.
    That’s also something I hate when somebody gives me a ‘phone number in German. Try writing this down quickly - you have to leave spaces between the numbers and fill in the gaps or buffer each pair in your head until you’ve heard the whole thing:
    “Ja, ruf mich bitte am siebzehnten so gegen 14:00 Uhr unter die vierundzwanzig achtundsiebzig siebenunddreisig neunundvierzig an.”
    Got that?
    “Yes, please call me about two PM on the seventeenth on 24783749.”
    I’m sure the ‘phone companies make a lot of profit from calls to wrong numbers here !

  124. Stefan W. Says:

    Not really. If you’re used to the German number system you just hear “achtundsiebzig” and write it down as “78″. You don’t hear the 8 and then the 7, it’s like one set expression, mostly.

    Once you know that the number is given to you in groups of two, you just write it down in groups of two, waiting for the speaker to complete each of the numbers.

    Also, someone who grows up with the German number system seems to have very few problems in learning the English system- that is perhaps because it’s more logical, yes. Switching from difficult to not so difficult is always easy.

  125. Florian Blaschke Says:

    There is a way out of the Sunday conundrum, by combining it with another German weirdo habits: Start counting by 0. That way, Sunday comes at the beginning, but Monday is still day 1 of the week. ;-)

    (And Wednesday is actually in the middle, though because of the fact that it is called Wednesday in English and not Midweek, it doesn’t really matter.)

    (Actually, programmers do use this system, assigning the number 0 to Sunday and 1 to Monday, through 6 for Saturday.)

    Also, YYYY-MM-DD hh:mm:ss, with all units in descending order, is the ONLY logical system. Everything else is mixed, unless you consider starting with seconds. But starting with the largest unit first, you also follow the sequence of the numerical system used inside the notation: Most significant notation first. And it sorts correctly, too. So you see: Years first is the way to go!

  126. Florian Blaschke Says:

    Most significant FIGURE first. Sorry.

  127. Florian Blaschke Says:

    Whoops, it’s actually “most significant DIGIT”. How embarrassing.

  128. YAG (Yet Another German) Says:

    “Everyone knows the inch is better than the centimeter, because it is bigger.”

    Exact the same reason, why we Germans still use hp instead of kW,
    when it comes to cars. Right? ;)

  129. Mario Says:

    Some people are offended so easily for everything. Relax! Americans themselves know that they are not the most culturally educated people in the world, but they also know they have the biggest Pizzas, the fastest jets and the most macho Monster Trucks (don’t Europeans remember when they were still macho?)
    About the problems with metric system. Why is everybody so tight about it? If Mexico can handle both without problem, why can’t the “industrialized” countries do it without whining?

    Natürlich ist dies nur aufgewendet dem die Humor geniessen.

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