If you work in Germany, you may want to make a good impression with your coworkers to show you are an integral part of the team. In America, you may spontaneously bring some donuts to the office to spread goodwill. Don’t do that in Germany. In Germany you should bring meat.
Germans don’t like things to happen spontaneously, so instead you should plan to bring a meat breakfast a few days ahead of schedule, and you should put together a spreadsheet to email out, in which each meat eating participant can write down exactly how much they will consume. In Schwabia you should bring exactly the amount written down, because it would be foolish of you to buy extra for the chance that any go to waste. Anywhere else you should throw in some extra portions, because some more people will always show up for free meat. Remember, Germans like to plan things out, so they need to be notified a couple of days in advance, so that they don’t have to eat an extraneous breakfast at home or fill their incredibly tiny refrigerator with extra food that will spoil if not consumed within 2 days.
The choice of which meat to bring is straightforward. Ask a colleague if you live north or south of the White Sausage Equator. If south, then your spreadsheet needs to contain the following columns: Name, Nr. Weisswurst, Nr. Bretzel, Nr. Weissbier. Again, in Schwabia, you can check to make sure that the people take exactly what they wrote down, which will be the case 99% of the time. In southern Germany it’s pretty much ok to have a beer at work now and then. It doesn’t look great if you are trying to climb the corporate ladder, but if you want to keep your position for life, it’s fine, enjoy a beer with breakfast. Don’t forget to bring some butter. You can impress your colleagues there by calling it der Butter instead of die Butter.
If you live north of the equator, then your spreadsheet needs to contain the column: Name. You will bring two freshly baked rolls per person, and a big bucket of raw beef with some onions in it. Your butcher will tell you how much of this Mett you need to satisfy the given quantity of meat eaters. Bring some orange juice along with it, because drinking alcohol at work in northern Germany isn’t really a common thing. Eating spreadable raw beef is pretty straightforward, just put it on a roll and enjoy, and try to cover your mouth with one hand while you pick the onions out of your teeth with the other.
Eating Weisswurst is a bit more complicated on the other hand. First of all you need to make sure to bring lots of sweet mustard, because spicy mustard is unacceptable. The second most important step is to decide how you will consume this treat. The are basically two options with two distinct strategies. If you want to look like one of the local folks, alternate between dipping the boiled sausages into the mustard and sucking it straight out of the pig’s intestine down your throat. If you want to look like you are interested in advancing your career, carefully cut along the top, then cut the sausage in half, and gingerly remove the sausage wrapper as you dip each carefully sliced bite size bit into the mustard.
We recommend you only eat two of these, or else your stomach is going to bother you for the rest of the day, and you won’t get much work done. Also, never, ever break the rule of eating white sausage in the afternoon, as this is strictly forbidden.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblend
Mahlzeit Astrid,
hier die Übersetzung:
Blitztipp - wie man sich mit den Kollegen anfreundet
Wenn Sie in Deutschland arbeiten, möchten Sie bei den Kollegen wahrscheinlich einen guten Eindruck erzeugen und zeigen, dass Sie sich in das Team integriert haben. In Amerika bringen Sie vielleicht spontan ein paar Donuts mit, um Ihren guten Willen zu zeigen. Tun Sie das nicht in Deutschland. In Deutschland sollten Sie Fleisch mitbringen.
Die Deutschen mögen es nicht, wenn etwas spontan geschieht, Sie sollten stattdessen ein paar Tage vorher planen, ein Fleischfrühstück mitzubringen und eine Tabelle entwerfen, die Sie dann per e-mail herumschicken, damit jeder fleischessende Teilnehmer exakt eintragen kann, wieviel Fleisch er essen wird. In Schwaben sollten Sie genau die aufgeschriebene Menge mitbringen, denn es wäre unklug von Ihnen, mehr mitzubringen und damit zu riskieren, dass etwas weggeschmissen wird. Überall anders sollten Sie einige Portionen mehr einplanen, denn es kommen immer ein paar extra Leute für kostenloses Fleisch. Denken Sie daran, die Deutschen lieben es zu planen, deshalb müssen sie ein paar Tage vorher darüber informiert werden, so dass sie kein Essen für Frühstück zu Hause verschwenden müssen oder ihren unheimlich winzigen Kühlschrank zu Hause mit Lebensmitteln füllen, die innerhalb von 2 Tagen verderben.
Die Wahl des mitzubringenden Fleisches ist unkompliziert. Fragen Sie einen Kollegen, ob Sie nördlich oder südlich vom Weißwurstäquator wohnen. Falls es südlich ist, sollte Ihre Tabelle folgende Spalten enthalten: Name, Anzahl Weißwurst, Anzahl Brezel, Anzahl Weißbier. In Schwaben können Sie dann kontrollieren, um sicher zu gehen, dass die Leute nur das nehmen, was sie aufgeschrieben haben, was in 99% der Fälle zutreffen wird. In Süddeutschland ist es in Ordnung wenn man bei der Arbeit hier und da mal ein Bier trinkt. Es sieht nicht so gut aus, wenn Sie die Karriereleiter hochklettern wollen, aber wenn Sie Ihren Arbeitsplatz einfach nur für den Rest des Lebens behalten möchten, ist es in Ordnung, geniessen Sie ein Bier zum Frühstück. Vergessen Sie nicht, Butter mitzubringen. Sie können Ihre Kollegen beeindrucken, indem Sie der Butter sagen anstatt die Butter.
Wenn Sie nördlich vom Weißwurstäquator leben, sollte die Tabelle folgende Spalten enthalten: Name. Sie werden zwei frisch gebackene Brötchen pro Person mitbringen und einen großen Eimer voller rohem Fleisch mit Zwiebeln. Ihr Fleischer wird Ihnen sagen wieviel von diesem Mett Sie brauchen, um die gegebene Anzahl von Fleischessern zufriedenzustellen. Bringen Sie dazu Orangensaft mit, denn Alkohol bei der Arbeit zu trinken ist in Norddeutschland keine weitverbreitete Sache. Streichbares rohes Fleisch zu essen ist recht unkompliziert, streichen Sie es einfach auf ein Brötchen und geniessen Sie und versuchen Sie, mit einer Hand Ihren Mund zu verdecken, während Sie die andere dazu benutzen, die Zwiebeln aus Ihren Zähnen zu entfernen.
Weißwurst zu essen ist ein bisschen komplizierter. Als Erstes müssen Sie sichergehen, dass Sie genügend süßen Senf mitbringen, denn scharfer Senf ist nicht akzeptabel. Der zweitwichtigste Schritt ist zu entscheiden, wie Sie diese Leckerei konsumieren werden. Es gibt zwei Optionen mit zwei verschiedenen Strategien. Wenn Sie wie einer der Einheimischen aussehen wollen, wechseln Sie ab zwischen dem Eindippen der gekochten Wurst in den süßen Senf und Aussaugen der Wurst direkt aus dem Schweinedarm Ihre Kehle hinunter. Wenn Sie aussehen möchten, als wären Sie interessiert daran, Ihre Karriere voranzubringen, schneiden Sie vorsichtig entlang der Oberseite, dann schneiden Sie die Wurst in zwei Hälften und dann entfernen Sie behutsam die Wursthülle, während Sie jedes auf Mundgröße zugeschnittene Stückchen in den Senf dippen.
Wir empfehlen, dass Sie nur zwei hiervon essen, denn sonst wird Ihr Magen Sie für den Rest des Tages ärgern und Sie schaffen nicht viel Arbeit. Und brechen Sie niemals die Regel und essen die Weißwurst am Nachmittag, das ist streng verboten.
Einen guten Appetit wünscht Dir,
John
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June 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 am
Hey, there is nothing as good as a good “corporate breakfast” with raw meat or Gehacktes, and the icing on the cake would be liverwurst or blood sausage in a jar, canned by a local butcher.
Fresh cut onions should also be available to dip the roll with meat into - onions in the meat itself will cause your intestines to explode a few hours later..
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 am
Here in globalized Berlin it is absolutely convenient to bring donuts for breakfast.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:11 am
If you work in Schwabia I’d strongly recommend to bring along “Butterbrezel” or “Zwetschgenkuchen” on your birthday. From then on they will accept you as a local even if you don’t even speak the language
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:23 am
Well ‘Mett’ is actually ground pork and not beef
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:30 am
I have no idea who spreads this idea that sucking your Weißwurst is bavarian. It ust be a munich idea, but munich is inhabited by Preißn.
I grew up in rural bavaria, with grandparents from Lower Bavaria and the Upper Palatine, with friends form all over Altbayern. Nobody ever sucked his Weißwurst.
In fact the highest art of eating was cutting _only_ the skin of the sausage, not cutting it in half, and then remove the skin.
Works only with really, really sharp knifes.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:47 am
Globalized Berlin - pfff…
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:34 am
Thanks for reminding me why I never ever want to live in Southern Germany. Huzzah for Berlin and its globalized donuts!
Quick hint though: Mett is always made of pork, not beef. (Isn’t that Mett hedgehog cute?)
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:04 am
In Franken, they don’t even know Mett… coming from ‘Rheinland’ i was suprised to learn about that… even the butcher did not know how many meat was needed for x rolls… so this doesn’t seem to be a phenomenon in the whole of germany.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 am
*rofl* You just made me crack up laughing … I did EVERYTHING wrong when I was in Munich (Bavaria) for 7 months. I ate Weisswurst with spicy mustard (I hate sweet mustard) and I ate the wrapper of the sausage as well until I was told I need to take it off.
But here in Dresden it is completely ok to bring Donuts or cake for breakfast. But since we are an international company, this might be just us.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:52 am
What I don’t understand is why Germans criticize me for getting a big Döner Kebab at morning tea.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
ROFL
Am I glad i grew up in North Rhine-Westphalia
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 am
Forget this conforming stuff. On my last birthday, I decided to shake things up a bit, and brought an assortment of salsas, fresh-made guacamole and ‘real’ chips for a morning celebration.
At first the Schwabians were a bit standoffish, but once they realized it wasn’t made sharf, they were all over that sheet.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
If you serve Mett (or “gehacktes” [raw meat]) on rolls, don’t forget to bring some salt and pepper!
In Bremen it’s also common to bring any sweets (or donuts, cakes, etc.) and leave them in the kitchen. To make clear that they are for all, leave a sign.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
@Schorsch (a.k.a. Gregor): Try to reconsider your preconceptions
But you are right regarding the stories about table manners in bavaria. The Dos and the Donts. As a matter of fact: we use silver ware. This also comprehends the art of Hendl-Essen (devouring innocent grilled chicken). There are even fellow Bavarians who deliberately abstain from using cutlery, calling it “mangiare a la pratza”.
The universe is made of stories, not atoms. (Muriel Rukeyser)
(found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/paullyoung/2422418359/)
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:11 pm
@Lorelei:
Yes, Mett oder Gehacktes as it is called in Eastern Germany is usually made of pork but nowadays you get also “Rinderhack” made of beef, for burgers and Muslims, or even “halb-und-halb”, made of 30% beef and 70% pork. Additionally, local butchers also serve “Schnitzelhack” which means Mett from raw schnitzels, beeing more expensive and with less fat
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Ah, Mett. I can remember the countless* times we had Mett breakfasts when I served in the Bundeswehr. No one would ever bring things like jam or Nudossi or anything a normal person would want to eat for breakfast. Mett is more a dinner thing for me.
*: once every two weeks or so, when a birthday came up or someone left or joined the group. Reasons like “becaue we haven’t had a Mett breakfast in a long time” were also acceptable.
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Mett, aka Hackepeter aka Gehacktes - with onions….yummy.
Don’t confuse this at all with Hackfleisch (100% Beef, 100% Pork or 50/50). That is what you would call “Hamburger”. Though “Hamburger” refers to beef only…
Also, do not confuse this with Zwiebelmettwurst (looks like Mett/Hackepeter/Gehacktes) but is a sorry excuse.
This is written fron a norhern German perspective….
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
@Krischan:
Of course, there’s beef Gehacktes or Hack, but never beef Mett or, as it is called in Northern Germany, Hackepeter. Two different things; you wouldn’t eat raw Hack, would you?.
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Come to think of it, the world of German minced meat is quite a wondrous one. There’s Hackfleisch and there’s Mett, there’s ground turkey, chicken and schnitzel, and don’t even get me started on Tatar …
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Come on now, you lived in Reutlingen for over a year and somehow you managed to forget the most important part of every breakfast, lunch, snack, party, or gathering of more than 3 Germans: The LKW.
I can’t recall any occasion at work that didn’t have Leberkaeseweckles, orange juice, sekt, sekt and orange juice mixed, and tannen zaepfle on standby. Also: mustard.
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
For the first time in my life i’m working in an office in berlin (except for some holiday-jobs) for a while now, and yes there are some strange “rules of engagement” (i’m still tryin to figure out the term “Mahlzeit”, which i think is in fact genius, because - if u use it the right way- it has a lot of different meanings, like “i’m taking my lunchbreak now, “enjoy your lunchbreak”, “have a nice day” “nice to see you”, ” i hope you enjoyed your lunch” “see you later” etc.) but we never had a meat-breakfast, usually it’s either sandwiches or cake. As a matter of fact, I would appreciate some real meat or Donuts (mmmmmmh Donuts).
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Feuerwehrmarmelade is just essential for a decent breakfast. Lower Saxony clearly does it right.
And it has to be “half and half”, obviously.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:16 pm
No no no: Schabefleisch. 100% beef. Best with shallots (onions if you are cheap), sea salt and freshly ground pepper. Really. It is good. I eat it every Saturday morning, it is good for your iron levels in your blood.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:28 am
@Lorelei:
Of course I sometimes eat raw hackfleisch, but Hackepeter (with salt, pepper, egg and onions) is always better. At meat breakfast in our region, there is only raw hackfleisch with a scent of salt and pepper (individual flavouring required).
Anyway, meat is always OK for me
June 4th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Let’s talk about American food for a second. Shall we?
Wotzefack is “Jimmy Dean’s Pancakes And Sausage On A Stick (with chocolate chips)”?
It’s just a practical joke, right?
June 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Raw meat, good for the iron levels in your blood, along with the salmonella in your stomach. Sounds like a delicious combo. Mmmmm i love durchfall.
Now excuse me while i dream about taco bell.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Oh my god! You can’t suck out (zurzeln) Weißwürste. This must definitely be a legend said by tourists. No Bavarian would ever do this ;-))))) Well I’d need to admit that I’m not a native Bavarian but I have been living here since 6 years
June 4th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Sorry, its ‘die Butter’.
http://de.wiktionary.org/wiki/Butter
Well, kind of…
Nominativ die Butter
Genitiv der Butter
Dativ der Butter
Akkusativ die Butter
June 4th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
@ Tilman: Well, in Franconia und other parts of Germany, it’s DER Butter, actually.
By the way, I’ve seen native Niederbayern, who really zuzel their Weisswurst.
Another problem ist to find out where the Weisswurstaequator really is. If you ask poeple from Bavaria, you will probably get very different answers, depending on where they are from.
But maybe the author does know?
June 5th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Mettbrötchen for the win!
In my last job, when somebody had birthday they would organize breakfast and everbody would do it differently but two things always had to be there-> Fleischsalat and Mett! Without it, it wouldn’t be breakfast
We had the rule that everybody would get 2 Brötchen, so you only needed to count how many were at work at the day and could send a spontaneous email, besides everbody was expecting breakfast because they knew it was your birthday, ok not really spontaneous.
In my new job it’s a little different. Last time we would get ice cream after Lunchbreak and the time before it was Bockwurst und Kartoffelsalat. Nothing says nordisch by nature like Bockwurst and Kartoffelsalat!
Yes I think we like meat!
June 5th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@Dutcher:
Go get your Hackfleisch at your trustworthy local butcher.
We wouldn’t be Germans if we hadn’t our famous “Hackfleischverordnung” (”minced meat law”, no joke!). It has to be sold within the day of production (if not specially shrink-wrapped).
June 6th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
@Andrew I’m shocked. Touche.
German is just too diverse.
Btw. if someone really looks for funny German quirxes, look for all words for Brötchen, Brotkanten and Frikadelle.
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Br%C3%B6tchen#Regionale_Bezeichnungen
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanten#Weitere_Bezeichnungen
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frikadelle#Bezeichnungen
No worries, the Wikipedia lists are by no means complete…
June 9th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Weissbier and Weisswurst for breakfast happens only in Bavaria. Don’t try that in Schwabia. They’ll find it just as odd as you.
Breakfast in Schwaben is not particularly quirky, or so I think. Brezeln are fine, but if you decide to bring along Weckle (Brötchen) for breakfast, don’t just go for the plain ones. That would make you look stingy, which is saying something in Schwaben. Ideally you should buy a range of at least five different kinds of Weckle.
August 9th, 2008 at 10:49 am
In Berlin we call it hackepeter (which would be chopped peter if you translate it literally) and there’s a funny german saying about hackepeter:
“Aus Hackepeter wird Kacke später”
October 25th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
The best way to eat a Weisswurst is simply to cut off a thick slice and pick it up with the fork from the side it was cut. That way it’s detached from the wrapper almost automatically.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Mett / Hackepeter - I love it !
But i would never make it in USA. Over here in Germany all animals that can have trichinosis (> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichinosis) will be checked in the “Trichinenschau” (http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichinenschau). This is not common in USA because usual people are not espected to eat raw pork meat. So: It’s ok to eat raw pork meat over here - but not in USA
January 11th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Hello together,
right now as a Rhinelander I clear up about Mett.
Mett tastes and does not make fat
Mett is always from pork, Öllisch (onions) salt and Pfeiffer and a few confidential spices. We eat it with pleasure in bars and drink a cold Kölsch in addition.
Raw hacked from beef one calls Tatar!!! This is able one (should eat one only in highly kitchen!
Your Meetlover
March 5th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
I used to work for an US-employer in Germany and we had some expats in our work force. Once we had a corporate breakfirst and of course, Mett was served. We tried our best to give a nice explanation: German Sushi
This expression is now part of the corporate glossary of that company ,-)