We live in a world of increasingly fast-paced change, but we must remain vigilant students of world history to determine what factors have caused great civilizations and nations to fall. The best reason to study the past is to learn the mistakes others have made and to work to avoid these tragic pitfalls. Quite obviously, Germany offers us an example of the downfall of great nation in recent history, even within our lifetimes. This is why you must not vote for Hillary Clinton.
My fellow Americans, we now stand before an historic election, where we can choose the direction our country takes. We can choose to become a country of whiny socialists or continue on our honored tradition of cold hearted capitalism and global terrorism battles. But under no circumstances can we afford to become a society that would tolerate a woman as its chief executive officer. Just look at Germany.
Germany was once a proud nation, that worked hard, spit in its hands and went to work increasing the gross domestic product. Now they sit down to pee.
Unless we want to be constantly confronted with signs such as these in our own bathrooms, do not vote for Hillary.
If you see this sign at a party at a friend’s apartment, please be aware that this is not a joke. German women are dead serious about turning any man who sets foot into their humble abode into a Sitzpinkler. Telling them you thought their sign was funny will almost certainly get you sent home early without any Bowle.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Hallöchen Astrid,
hier die Übersetzung:
Die Fehler der Vergangenheit sollten nicht wiederholt werden
Wir leben in einer Welt aus zunehmend schnellem Wechsel, aber wir sollten aufmerksame Schüler der Weltgeschichte bleiben, um zu ermitteln, welche Faktoren bedeutende Kulturen und Nationen zu Fall gebracht haben. Der beste Grund, die Geschichte zu studieren ist aus den Fehlern Anderer zu lernen und daran zu arbeiten, diese tragischen Fallstricke zu vermeiden. Recht offensichtlich bietet Deutschland uns ein Beispiel für den Untergang einer bedeutenden Nation in neuester Geschichte, sogar während unserer Lebenszeit. Dies ist der Grund, warum Sie nicht für Hillary Clinton wählen sollten.
Meine Landsleute, liebe Amerikaner, uns steht eine historische Wahl bevor, mit der wir die Richtung unseres Landes bestimmen können. Wir können uns aussuchen, ein Land voller weinerlicher Sozialisten zu werden oder an unserer Tradition von kaltherzigem Kapitalismus und globaler Terrorbekämfung festzuhalten. Aber unter gar keinen Umständen können wir es uns leisten, eine Gesellschaft zu werden, die eine Frau als Vorsitzende toleriert. Sehen Sie sich nur mal Deutschland an.
Deutschland war einmal eine stolze Nation, die hart gearbeitet hat, in die Hände gespuckt und sich an die Arbeit gemacht hat, das Bruttosozialprodukt zu steigern. Nun setzen sie sich hin zum Pinkeln. Sofern wir nicht ständig mit Schildern wie diesem in unseren eigenen Badezimmern konfrontiert werden wollen, wählen Sie nicht für Hillary.
Siehe Abbildung 1!
Wenn Sie dieses Schild bei einer Party in der Wohnung eines Freundes sehen, seien Sie sich bitte darüber bewusst, dass dies kein Scherz ist. Deutsche Frauen sind todernst bei dem Versuch, jeden Mann, der ihre bescheidene Hütte betritt, in einen Sitzpinkler zu verwandeln. Wenn Sie ihnen sagen, dass Sie denken, ihr Schild sei lustig, werden sie voraussichtlich früh und ohne Bowle nach Hause geschickt.
Grüße vom stolzen Stehpinkler,
John
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June 4th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
We don’t have the option of voting for Ms. Clinton. She is not one of the candidates. So what was the point of this post? If you just wanted to discuss those photos (whose concept I, as an American woman who cleans my own bathroom) applaud, perhaps you could have thought of something more amusing to surround them? Oh well, I have thought your other posts generally amusing.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
The normal german sign with “sitzpinkeln” is this one:
http://www.shop-royal.de/images/R3045.jpg
June 4th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I don’t think Hillary sits down to pee. She got balls, so why should she sit down?
(And I’m saying this as a compliment.)
June 4th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Screw them whiny losers! Real Germans (as I am) will never piss with a bent back! Even while urinating I can see all the wild animals around and stay alert because I am STANDING!! AND I clean the toilet myself!
June 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Wait a minute, are you seriousl trying to tell us that american women allow (or at least tolerate) men to do their business while standing. Imho evolution gave men this opportunity so it is our birthright to do it as told by nature.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
It’s an interesting idea to trace back the fact that these signs exist to Angela Merkel being the German chancellor. I really like that theory though I can attest that the fight against “Stehpinkler” is fought much longer.
The German comedian Jürgen von der Lippe [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C3%BCrgen_von_der_Lippe] once said that it is a medical fact that men can get an erectile dysfunction when they constantly have to pee in the sitting position. So he raised the question: “Ladies. Come on. Look at your husband sitting next to you and remember last night - well, last week’s night - well, the last night you ’shared the bed together’. Wouldn’t it be worth the five minutes of extra work a week to clean up the bathroom?”
I am just quoting and do not want to raise the question in this comment threat
June 4th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
in john’s defense, he actually wrote this weeks ago. i guess he’s just been too lazy to post it.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Americans must also not vote for Obama, because that would mean that the US will get laws making the eating of watermelons and fried chiken mandatory.
In short: Not funny. Keep your sexist [bullcrap] to yourself.
Editor’s Note: Wow.
June 5th, 2008 at 7:10 am
I have to confess that I really like to sit down while doing any business on toilet, but that’s because I am much more than evil and like reading there, mainly the SPIEGEL magazine, which used to be a good and cheap laxative.
Anyway, even my girlfriend likes reading on toilet or even listening to music, so it seems to fit in our relationship.
June 5th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Viva la Revolution!! Let’s stand up for our right and piss like man! *raawwr*
June 5th, 2008 at 8:44 am
A nice variation of Sitzpinkel images can be found here:
http://wortspielplatz.com/special1.htm
Depending on local prudenes, if in doubt don’t click the link at work.
June 5th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Hm, bei der WG von Freunden, die drei Männer bewohnen, ist Stehpinkeln auch verboten. Hauptsächlich, weil keiner von ihnen das hinterher wegputzen will…
June 5th, 2008 at 10:49 am
@John
Double wow. Not only is Sebastian’s satire detector komplett defekt, it was replaced by a Wildly Inappropriate Misguided Defense System™. I haven’t seen that in ages.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I actually loved this blog, until this disgustingly sexist post.
June 5th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Yes, because I’m sure John honestly believes that voting for Hillary will truly result in mandated seated urination. ‘Cause, you know, that’s the logical conclusion, rather than the possibility that he’s taking a mocking attitude to unfounded rationalization while pointing out that there really are signs like that in Germany. But then again, I’ve been known to not have a sense of humor.
(aside) Am I the only one that gets the humor in this one?
June 5th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Don’t see too much humor in this one either. No everybody gobe me their knee jerk reaction and tell me in their best Denglish that my satire detector is kaputt. Ein Geisterfahrer?! Tausende!
June 5th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Männer die im Stehen pinkeln, haben Angst vor der Liebe.
June 5th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
@JC
obviously you are. No you aren’t, I think I got it too…
June 5th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Hmmm, I guess John’s attempt at channeling Stephen Colbert didn’t go over too well with some folks. Oh well, I got it. Regardless, Sitzpinkler FTL! I’m going to have to tease my buddy in front of his wife with that one…
June 5th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
The “Get a lovely Asian bride” advertisement suits the article somehow…
June 5th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
my god, chill out people.
(a very american phrase, and very appropriate, once again)
June 5th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
This is all true. You mustn’t vote for Hillary. Not only because of the looming female world domination but also because of the fact that she has virtually no combat experience. Look at John McCain of the McCain clan who fought right next to William Wallace and later on served under George Washington himself in the Continental Army.
You gotta like this man’s maverick spirit. His critics say he’s too old. So what does McCain do? He keeps aging.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:06 am
No, we don’t hate women! We only hate those stupid signs, which were - obviously! - put up by those dirty stinkin’ *women* to impair or natural *entitlement* as men to piss while standing up!
Seriously, satire detector my ass. Some jokes simply misfire, and this was one of them. If it was meant to make a point *against* misogyny, it just utterly failed.
As I said: It would be equaly funny making a “joke” that warns against electing a black president, because else there will be laws mandating the eating of watermelons and fried chicken. Sexism isn’t any better than racism.
June 6th, 2008 at 2:46 am
Apparently some Germans don’t place too much trust in their satire makers either. Thanks for explaining your previous “joke,” Sebastian!
June 6th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Sebastian is right…todays joke misfired.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:06 am
I am a Sitzpinkler but i have to clean my bathroom myself.
If you have problems with the pussy image, impress your fiends with a pissoir in your bathroom. It’s worth it, really.
If i ever have to build my own bathroom, i would certainly do so.
June 6th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Wow.
No offense to you, John, but some of the comments are even more amusing than your posts
Confess! This is a social experiment, right? And in fact you’re a prof from Princeton or Harvard. Conducting a scientific study about how many people are able to tell nonsense from reality?
June 6th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Well, I think satire is a little hard to get, if it’s written in a foreign language and if you don’t know the person who wrote. Take this example from today:
http://www.spiegel.de/kultur/gesellschaft/0,1518,558150,00.html
everyone who know this particular newspaper, knows their headlines are often satirical but compared to (mostly bad nazi-)jokes about germany i’ve heard on american late-night-tv or snl, this on is pretty harmless BUT americans are very sensitive regarding this part of US-history, so they are whining about, especially the pc-police.
June 7th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Nichts Für Ungut ……
… oder, in reinstem Denglisch, Nothing For Ungood ist ein sehr bemerkenswerter Blog. Es ist ein Blog, der sich ausgiebig mit den Eigenarten und Marotten von uns Deutschen auseinandersetzt. Geführt wird der Blog von John (Näheres i…
June 9th, 2008 at 11:04 am
You guys are all wimps. A Real Man is not a Sitzpinkler and simply does not care whether there is a sign or not
June 13th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Could it be that most German men cannot aim it because they are uncircumcised?
June 17th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Everyone needs to lighten up. II make fun of America at least once a day! (I almost made fun of America during my history class, which has a very racist, sexist, nationalist person ever. He says that America is the best and everywhere else sucks.)
Besides, most of these posts make fun of most Americans are so full of themselves. ^_^’ THAT’S the part that makes me laugh.
~An American
August 14th, 2008 at 9:30 am
@Tilman Baumann:
Well, for Stehpinkler like me, who do indeed have a problem with the pussy image, have to clean the bathroom themselves and don’t have room for a pissior, there’s another quick solution: that’s where the washhandbasin comes in handy…
September 3rd, 2008 at 6:03 pm
At least nobody has to worry about Hillary becoming president any longer.
So let’s stand up and pee, just learn to aim in the right direction.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Bill said: “Could it be that most German men cannot aim it because they are uncircumcised?”
Now this is a very interesting question you are raising there, Bill.
Years ago I have carried out an extensive series of experiments and I feel this is a forum that might thank me for sharing insights from back then. I might want to add I am not circumcised.
Phase 1: stand in front of the loo and pee. This gives you a lot of grief. It splatters all over the place. And the dispersion gets even worse the more beer you have had before. — So, this method is to be avoided at any cost.
Phase 2: stand in front of the loo and pee but pull the foreskin just a bit back to improve aiming accuracy and jet homogenity (this is where Bill’s question hooks in). Much better. Even after 5 to 7 Hefeweizen (in a state I would call quite royally hammered) one seems to get a remarkable success rate. What the untrained eye misses, though, is what even an untrained nose will tell you only a day later: the biting stench of decaying pee drops which inevitable spray the immediate vicinity of the loo. — Not nice at all. So, this method cannot really be recommended either.
Phase 3: the sitting down option, exercised with care. Absolutely grand results. No splatter. No smell. Way to go.
I have been exercising this now for more than two decades and I’ve never looked back. Watch out, though, and avoid actually sitting on the loo but peeing over the rim outside right into the bathroom — or even better onto your pants; very awkward; does break the ice at parties, though.
Hochachtungsvoll verbleibt Ihr
Herr B.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:04 am
I agree this is dead serious! - however it’s safe to ignore it unless you prefer to leave the door unlocked
OTOH i once met a woman who admitted that she envies us men that we can piss while standing without flashing our ass.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Ah, c’mon, how can you read the newspaper and smoke a cigarette AND pee, while you are standing?
Thats impossible!