English is easy to pronounce. German is not. We don’t put any dots on our letters, or make weird b shapes and call them a pair of s’s. Germans know their language is filled with sounds foreigners can’t make, so they try to get you to say certain words so that they can mock you. Such words include:
Eichhörnchen - This is the classic trap Germans set for us.
Oachkatzlschwoaf - This is the Bavarian cousin of the aforementioned.
Streichholzschächtelchen - This is the ultimate impossible German word to say.
But pretty much any word that starts with an “r”, such as rechts, is physically impossible for us to say. Avoid these words.
If you decide to learn to speak German despite the ample warnings given here previously, you will have to cope with Germans who will either make you say one of these words to mock you directly and openly, or repeat everything you say to them but in correct German, or worse at parties or on TV shows talk to you with a fake American accent.
For the amusement of the German readers, John presents his fake Bavarian accent in the attached audio clip: Fake Bavarian
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Grüss Dich Astrid,
hier die Übersetzung:
Blitztipp-Fischers Fritz fischt frische Fische-frische Fische fischt Fischers Fritz
Englisch ist leicht auszusprechen. Deutsch nicht. Wir machen keine Punkte auf unsere Buchstaben, oder machen merkwürdige B-Formen und nennen es esszett. Die Deutschen wissen, dass ihre Sprache voller Geräusche ist, die Ausländer nicht aussprechen können, also versuchen sie, Sie dazu zu bringen, diese Wörter auszusprechen, nur um Sie dann nachzuäffen. Ein paar Beispiele:
Eichhörchen - dies ist die klassische Falle, die Deutsche uns stellen.
Oachkatzlschwoaf - Dies ist der bayrische Cousin von vorher erwähntem.
Streichholzschächtelchen - Dies ist das am unmöglichsten auszusprechende deutsche Wort.
Aber so gut wie jedes Wort das mit einem “r” beginnt, so wie rechts, ist für uns aus rein physischen Gründen nicht möglich auszusprechen. Vermeiden Sie diese Wörter.
Wenn Sie sich trotz der hier wiederholt ausgesprochenen Warnungen dazu entschliessen, Deutsch zu lernen, werden Sie mit Deutschen zurecht kommen müssen, die Sie dazu bringen, eines der oben genannten Wörter zu sagen, um sie ganz offen zu verspotten, oder die alles was Sie zu ihnen sagen, in korrektem Deutsch wiederholen, oder noch schlimmer, die auf Parties oder in einer Fernsehsendung nur mit einem nachgemachten amerikanischen Akzent mit Ihnen sprechen.
Zur Belustigung der deutschen Leser präsentiert John seinen nachgemachten bayrischen Akzent im angehängten Audio-clip: Fake Bavarian
Pfui Di,
John
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June 13th, 2008 at 5:28 am
There are 56 letters “i” in your text. I count 56 dots …
June 13th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Thanks for the audio clip, John - it sounds great. If i try to speak with a Bavarian accent (I live in Bavaria) it really sounds awful…
June 13th, 2008 at 6:24 am
nah i think he is doing quite well - most nonbavarian germans would sound worse
June 13th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Wahnsinn, ich bin sprachlos…
June 13th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Ahoi,
haha, english is so easy to pronounce. Read the second message:
http://www.uni-protokolle.de/foren/viewt/145217,0.html
Cheers
Andreas
June 13th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Just to be pedantic: Oachkatzlschwoaf translates to Eichhörnchenschwanz. But Streichholzschächtelchen is a really good one. Have to remember it for the next second-language speaker I meet.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I prefer “kärschestähweitspautze” pronounced like “kärscheschtähweidschbautze” which means “cherrystonespitting”!
But at leas Oachkatzlschwoaf is a word I can’t ponounce correty..
June 13th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Ich liebe dein Blog einfach, ich schmeiss mich bei jedem Eintrag weg.
Weiter So!
Gruß
June 13th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Hey, congratz! John, this wasn’t bad at all, a wenns eim dSchuach ausziagt, pretty well pronounced, wer hot denn dir den schmarrn beibracht
Keep blogging, you blog is hilarious! Mei Ernst..
June 13th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
“Frühstück” is also a pretty nice word.
June 13th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Wow, why do u say you´re not that good talkin german? I would never be able to talk like u ( ok, most germans cant talk like the bavarians and I´m happy not to live there,lol).
RESPEKT!
Love your blog, want more!!!!
June 13th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
(From here: http://www.learnenglish.de/EZine/Joke3.htm)
June 14th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
grats! Nicht schlecht
June 14th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
It would be really great if someone can make an audio clip with the poem (http://www.uni-protokolle.de/foren/viewt/145217,0.html).
June 15th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Reminds me of when I told a Canadian colleague I had read “The Human Stain” by Philip Roth recently. He made me repeat the title 3 times and then said “Oh, you mean ‘The Human Stain’!” … (wtf was it I had said???)
June 15th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
John, You are doing very well. I would never be able to pronounce Bavarian on that level, and I am German.
Anyway, here are another few jawbreakers that just came to my mind:
>> Geschwisterchen (belittled version of “siblings”)
And another local one
>> Motschekiebchen (saxony version of “ladybird”)
Keep rocking,
C-
June 16th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I guess there are idiots on both sides of the pond that get a hard on by mocking someone that way.
However most examples above are taken from local dialects which sound strange to anyone not from the area, and they would have as many problems speaking it as an alien. There are also some US states where any foreigner would have serious problems to understand the natives, even though they claim to speak English.
As a funny sidenote: even some Germans can’t speak some of these word. E.g. our German teacher was unable to say Kirchturm (sounded like Kirschturm) because of her Hessian origin.
June 16th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I laughed till I peed reading these–so true!!! My German friends tried to make me say “Streichholzschaechtelchen” and laughed themselves silly! But you forgot Geschwindigskeitsbegrenzung. (I think that’s how it’s spelled–means “speed limit.”) That one gets a lot of laughs over there, too!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:49 am
Hey John, Following up with my previous reply, our “Eichhörnchen” can also seen as a simple revenge for your “th”.
Enjoy this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD4roXEY8hk
So I would say laughers are well distributed between our nations.
Your blog rocks!
Best regards, C-
June 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
How about this one….friend of mine wanted my husband saying this word…..lol….that was really mean ;D
Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitaensmuetzenhalter
June 18th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Because Germans know everything better and we love it to point out other’s mistakes I will do so as well.
An Oachkatzlschwoaf is NOT an Eichhörnchen, it’s an Eichhörnchen’s tail.
Your pronunciation was pretty good I must admit. Now it’s time for some harder stuff. Try these tounge twister classics….
Fischers Fritz fischt frische Fische.Frische Fische fischt Fischers Fritz.
Blaukraut bleibt Blaukraut, Brautkleid bleibt Brautkleid.
June 18th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
i love how Germans point out when they aren’t going to point out a mistake. i bet it’s their second favorite thing right behind pointing out mistakes
it’s like passively aggressively pointing out your mistake
June 18th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Your bavarian is very good (from my point as visitor to bavaria)
You can try some Vienese:
“Zwanzg zquwetschte Zwetschkn und zwanzg zquwetschte Zweschkn san vierzg zquwetschte Zwetschkn.”
Twenty squished plums and twenty squished plums are forty squished plums.
Or you can try a Adaxlschwaf (lizard tail) as well
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Guys, it is not the worst thing if people make fun of you because of your language skills. People here (Florida) never make fun of my English, even though I say weird things sometimes. I talked to a friend a while ago, telling them how I met another person “on the floor” (for a second that word just sounded like the German word Flur, so I mixed it up with “hallway”). My friend was biting their lips trying not to laugh at me until I finally noticed my slip and started laughing myself. Finally my friend started laughing too.
If I say weird things like that - go ahead and make fun of me, Americans. I’ll be sure to return the favor
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
As an American living in Germany I really am loving this Blog! Keep it coming!
My contribution for the most difficult word for Americans to pronounce: My “home town” - Lörrach. I’ve heard everything from low-ratch to le-rock. Quite entertaining!
July 1st, 2008 at 8:59 pm
My absolute favorite German word, which may or may not be spelled correctly, is:
Das Arzneimittelkostendampfungsgesetz
This post made me laugh out loud.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
For a german, the word “squirrel” is impossible to pronounce, too. Turns out like skwörl or something. What is it with those beasts?
October 25th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
By the way: That’s a great blog!
You could have told your readers the translation of “Streichholzschächtelchen”: match box
October 29th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Wow, I’d love to have the same command of Schwyzertütsch (Swiss German) as you have of Bavarian … impressive! (I’m half Austrian, half German and living in Switzerland - which, as far as common courtesy is concerned, is far closer to America than to Germany)
December 9th, 2008 at 12:47 am
ROTFL !
December 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
As a half-american, half-german, I always enjoy these comparisons. I grew up in the States and moved to Germany to study, and no-one can fully be prepared for the culture shock! Even though I learned german from the get-go, I have also been mocked for my lack of knowledge (of course). But there is a simple reply when someone asks you to say “Eichhörnchen”: ever heard a german try to pronounce “squirrel”?
Btw, I now get a kick out of my (french-speaking) mom when she tries to say “(Apfel-)Schorle” or “Kaufhof”…
December 20th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Hey there!
You seem to have overlooked that the English language has taken its revenge with the word “refridgerator”. I have yet to meet a German who can even come close to pronouncing that word.
Blues
December 22nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Why, wouldn’t it be ‘refridscheräder’ spelled in german sounds?
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
A lot of Americans can also laugh about the fact how Germans can make a simple word like “speed limit” into something like “Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung”
November 19th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Angstschweiß
Impfzwang
that is all.