If you want to make career in Germany, there is one thing you need to grow, and that is a mustache.
In America we generally want our leaders clean shaven, but the opposite is true in Germany. 73% of managers at all levels in German companies sport a mustache, a percentage which is much higher than the general workforce.
Now we know correlation is not causality, so not only do you need to grow a mustache, you need to also become the type of person who would grow a mustache.
Please also note, any form of mustache, no matter how ridiculously shaped, is perfectly acceptable.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Sehr geerhte Frau Astrid,
Ich darf Ihnen hiermit die heutige Übersetzung präsentieren:
Blitztipp-erklimmen der Karriereleiter
Wenn Sie in Deutschland Karriere machen wollen, sollten Sie sich unbedingt einen Schnurrbart wachsen lassen.
In Amerika sehen wir unsere Leitpersonen gerne glatt rasiert, aber das Gegenteil trifft auf Deutschland zu. 73% der Führungskräfte in deutschen Firmen stellen einen Schnurrbart zur Schau, ein Prozentsatz der um einiges höher ist als der der Erwerbstätigen in Deutschland insgesamt.
Nun wissen wir, dass der Zusammenhang nicht unbedingt Kausalität bedeutet, also müssen Sie sich nicht nur einen Schnurrbart wachsen lassen, sondern auch noch der Typ Mensch werden, der einen Schnurrbart tragen würde.
Beachten Sie bitte auch, dass jede Form von Schnurrbart, egal in welcher lächerlichen Form auch immer, völlig akzeptabel ist.
Mit verbindlichen Grüßen,
John
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June 23rd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
In the United States one should try growing a Peter Griffin style mustache to become accepted by most people. A very funny “Family Guy” episode, by the way.
http://flashyourstache.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/peterg.jpg
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I could think of one particular mustache that won’t be perfectly acceptable.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Ha ha, this brought back memories. I am Italian and I was once in Frankfurt visiting a German friend of mine (moustache-less, he was not a manager). I asked him how come so many German men had a moustache. He replied it was not the case, another one of my stereotypical ideas about Germans. As he was saying so, a neighbour went out on his balcony, and he had a moustache. Then we went for a trip and practically every man we saw had a moustache, which proved my theory and had my friend quite annoyed. At a petrol station we saw a police van and every single policeman had a moustache. My friend said that didn’t count because German policemen have moustaches by default.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Haha, the policemen thing is true.
I think in general it is true that more people in Germany have facial hair than other countries in Europe and the US, but imo especially managers with international connections are clean shaven, maybe for just that reason.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:13 pm
@Nhr?: LOL, you´re absolutely right
Allerdings muss man als Polizist einen haben, ohne gehts wohl nicht. Frauen müssen sich einen ankleben! Kein Witz!
Na gut, doch ein Witz…
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Yeah, you’re absolute right. And, even worse, our fellow citizens from Turkey aren’t better - seems to have a law concerning A) policemen and B) 14-years-old boys with migration background forcing them to never ever shave their upper lips.
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 pm
i don’t like moustaches but i like the synonyms as
schenkelbürste
suppensieb
pornobalken (you imagine the seventies style porn flick moustaches?)
rotzbremse
Oliba (from OberLIBArt)
Fuizgoschn (??)
Orgasmusbeschleuniger
and so on…
^^
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:15 pm
OberLIBArt –> sorry, “OberLIppenBArt”
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I know only one American in real life and that guy is very proud of his Tom-Selleck-Gedenkbalken. (Ok, he’s been living in Germany for nearly 30 years…that would explain it.)
But he’s right, moustaches are cool. Just look at Rudi Völler…
http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/3879/qmxn1.jpg
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
‘gibt nur einen rudi völler!
June 24th, 2008 at 8:16 am
one synonym especially for policmen is also ‘Respektbalken’
remember this american swimmer mark spitz from 1984? he had a moustache too, tom selleck style, and the russians asked him if it wouldn’t slow him down, and he answered: no it’s increasing my speed because the moustache improves the water flow around him, so that he swims in something like a bubble…. russians were very excited about this theory…
June 24th, 2008 at 10:26 am
> Fuizgoschn (??)
Hochdeutsch: Filz-Gosche (= Maul)
Ein ungepflegter (Voll-) Bart wirkt “verfilzt”.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Just two words regarding this ‘article’:
Utter [Bullcrap]!
Is he now completely running out of steam and ideas?
Editor’s Note: Maybe out of good ideas, but still prude here…
June 25th, 2008 at 5:51 am
@ Fritz: do you have a mustache?
June 25th, 2008 at 8:07 am
We absolutely need moustaches. See, without some facial hair us german guys would be so sexy that everyone else had no chance left to reproduce. All the women would be here.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:03 am
actually, German seduction techniques, or rather lack of, would be a good topic for discussion
June 25th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Seduction techniques? We don’t need no stinkin seduction techniques. We’ve got wooden clubs.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
it seems to be something global that cops have a preference towards mustaches…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sbqIyeed4gQ O:-)
June 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
When I was little there was a popluar Italian song for kids that went “Le guardie hanno i baffi per farci paura…” i.e. “policemen have moustaches so as to scare us…”
June 25th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
@Bettina: Of course he has a moustache, his name is Fritz.
June 27th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
So it was not Hitler’s weirdo-shouting, but rather his mustache? Same with Stalin in East Germany, I guess.
Now I finally know why Grover Cleveland lost re-election.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:06 am
everytime i see a propag^Wdocumentation about the us navy, i realize that 50% of the crew is wearing a mustache.
while beeing involved in the nightlife i meet many policemen, and none of them got a mustache. at least none of the “rapid reaction” crews.
i thought americans are so proud of their history? why did you forget all the mustaches in the civil war? :E)
http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/
http://mustachesofthenineteenthcentury.blogspot.com/
http://www.civilwar.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=71
—
http://www.centerstagestar.com/ciwarmusiset.html
July 28th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Just read this article and was about to contribute the “policemen thing”… but what can I say …. all these comments are more than brilliant!!!
Oh, and by the way, I’m German and I’ve never had a moustache…
But I’m still fond of my sideburns…. :-)))))