Although you only see German flags during international soccer competitions (or handball tournaments if they happen to be winning there), Germans are deeply nationalistic. They are just afraid of being labeled nationalistic.
While the Germans consider all aspects of German culture superior to all others’, they generally limit their overt boasting to the safer topics of chocolate, beer, and bread, but German patriotism manifests itself in many ways, when you take a deeper look. For example, schools take on such names as Goethe-Gymnasium, Einstein-Gymnasium, or Geschwister-Scholl-Hauptschule. Germans only name their streets after famous Germans like Mr. Maximillian, Mr. Reeper, and Mr. Einbahn.
The Germans inexplicably prefer German cars to the obviously superior Japanese varieties, whose quality ratings consistently dominate “German Engineering” year in and year out. Germans even think they invented stuff they didn’t such as flight, the telephone, and the light bulb. And although German literature leaves much to be desired, Germans still force their kids to memorize things like Der Erlkönig, as if it were a necessary part of being a well-rounded person.
In America we are open and tolerant to the many cultures of the world and demonstrate this by naming our cities after theirs. Here you’ll find Amsterdam, New York, Paris, Texas, as well as Bremen, Alabama. Germany pretty much only has German names like Darmstadt, Mühlheim, Oberpfaffenhofen, Kiel, and so on.
Despite a large number of Turkish and Russian guests, you will never hear “Please press 1 for German” in Germany, because those who don’t assimilate won’t be accommodated.
Germany would love to portray the image of an enlightened, tolerant culture with arms open wide to embrace the vast array of equally valid world views, but when it comes down to it, Germans are ethnocentric. Why else would there be Rosenstolz?
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Hallöchen nochmal,
hier die Übersetzung:
Deutsche sind ethnozentrisch
Auch wenn Sie deutsche Flaggen nur während internationaler Fussballwettkämpfe sehen (oder Handballwettkämpfe, wenn sie dort gewinnen), sind die Deutschen zutiefst nationalistisch. Sie haben nur Angst, als nationalistisch bezeichnet zu werden.
Während die Deutschen alle Aspekte der deutschen Kultur als besser gegüber allen anderen empfinden, begrenzen sie ihre offene Angeberei auf die sicheren Themen wie Schokolade, Bier und Brot, aber deutscher Patriotismus äußert sich durch viele andere Dinge, wenn man genauer hinsieht. Schulen werden zum Beispiel Goethe-Gymnasium, Einstein-Gymnasium oder Geschwister-Scholl-Hauptschule genannt. Deutsche benennen ihre Straßen nur nach berühmten Deutschen, wie zum Beispiel Herr Maximilian, Herr Reeper und Herr Einbahn.
Die Deutschen bevorzugen unerklärlicherweise deutsche Autos vor den offensichtlich besseren japanischen Modellen, deren Qualitäts-Rangliste jedes Jahr wieder die “Deutsche Technik” dominiert. Die Deutschen denken sogar sie hätten Dinge erfunden, die sie gar nicht erfunden haben, wie das Fliegen, das Telefon und die Glühlampe. Und auch wenn deutsche Literatur einiges zu wünschen übrig lässt, zwingen die Deutschen ihre Kinder Dinge wie “Der Erlkönig” auswendig zu lernen, als ob dies ein wichtiger Teil davon wäre, eine gut gebildete Persönlichkeit zu sein.
In Amerika sind wir offen und tolerant gegenüber den vielen Kulturen der Welt und demonstrieren dies indem wir unsere Städte nach ihren benennen. Hier finden Sie Amsterdam, New York, Paris, Texas, sowie Bremen, Alabama. Deutschland hat eigentlich nur deutsche namen wie Darmstadt, Mühlheim, Oberpfaffenhofen, Kiel, und so weiter.
Trotz einer großen Anzahl an türkischen und russischen Gästen, werden Sie nie “Bitte wählen Sie 1 für Deutsch” in Deutschland hören, denn denen, die sich nicht anpassen, wird auch nicht entgegengekommen.
Deutschland würde liebend gerne das Bild einer aufgeklärten und toleranten Kultur widerspiegeln, die die riesige Anzahl von ähnlich gültigen Weltansichten mit offenen Armen begrüßt, aber wenn es darauf ankommt, sind die Deutschen ethnozentrisch. Warum sonst gäbe es Rosenstolz?
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October 16th, 2008 at 1:56 am
You are, as always, not entirely correct. There is a Philadelphia and a Neu-Boston in Germany:
http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&geocode=&q=boston,+germany&sll=52.297982,13.866119&sspn=0.575294,1.042328&ie=UTF8&ll=52.265058,13.914614&spn=0.035982,0.065145&z=14
October 16th, 2008 at 1:59 am
well mr. reeper is a true national treasure of germany, just like his seasonally employed cousin across the pond mr. grim reeper who’s very successful in the halloween industry, so of course his home town of bremen named a srtreet after him.
October 16th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Well there is a “Bremen” in the US? Sure. And it surely named that way by true americans, and not by some ethnocentric emigrants? As well as Paris is surely founded by some French.
I live here for 32 years, but I can´t remember anyone declaring that the telephone or the light bulb are german inventions. And when talking about flight, they are thinking about the tailor of ulm.
About the naming of schools, streets and so on: You forgot the tons of “Astrid Lindgrin”, “Hans-Christian-Andersen” etc. schools.
…
I read better posts here!
October 16th, 2008 at 6:02 am
It’s so true what you say. Well, not every single word, of course. But I cought myself wanting to protest against some false stereotypes - which clearly shows that I’m kind of nationalistic - and feeling that I’d have to explain myself - nationalistic not in the rotten, brown, nazi way. It seems to be so much easier to express national pride when you come from France or the US (though I’d doubt the latter these days).
As usual: Well-written post and a nice theme to discuss. Good work.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:03 am
I know about Texas in Germany:
http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&geocode=&q=texas,+germany&sll=51.151786,10.415039&sspn=13.381124,39.550781&ie=UTF8&ll=52.632672,10.422549&spn=0.012632,0.038624&t=h&z=15
October 16th, 2008 at 6:16 am
Muhahahaha… your jokes are the best… EVER
BTW: we even got a “Neu Amerika” in Germany http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&geocode=&q=Germany,+Sachsen,+Neu+Amerika&mrt=all&sll=50.552626,12.98069&sspn=0.011398,0.029097&ie=UTF8&ll=50.555625,12.980819&spn=0.011397,0.029097&z=15
There is Kanada too.. but i think that misses the point. http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&geocode=&q=Germany,+Kanada&mrt=all&sll=50.556034,12.980819&sspn=0.010579,0.029097&ie=UTF8&ll=45.573557,-66.625085&spn=0.011656,0.029097&z=15&iwloc=addr
October 16th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Hahaaa, grade Oberpfaffenhofen. Wenn da nicht die DLR wäre würde das doch niemand kennen.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:22 am
>In America we are open and tolerant to the many cultures of the world and >demonstrate this by naming our cities after theirs.
“Many clutures” does not include anything from the middle east though.
And weren’t all those US cities named by immigrants from those countries in the beginning of the US?
October 16th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Ve even haf Amerika: http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&geocode=&q=amerika,+germany&sll=52.265058,13.914614&sspn=0.023848,0.077248&ie=UTF8&ll=52.933741,8.043108&spn=0.187896,0.617981&z=11
(Yes, I am aware of Germany, TX)
October 16th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Great Post.
I usually frown at the Germans wanting to get everything right.
But here is a bit of an addition to the post.
There are actually 2 fullblown towns in Germany called “Amerika” plus a handful of districts of other towns or counties called Amerika.
While this might be mildly noteworthy, I found it rather entertaining during my wikipedia research (as you pointed out correctly, Germans have the urge to smartass you posting wikipedia citations) that there actually is a monkey island in thailand called America.
That’s something, right? Granted, we are still working on renaming parts of Mannheim to be called “US-Amerika” so that the whole us-american thing starts making sense.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:45 am
It’s more likely Mr Reeper’s hometown of Hamburg.
Ach John, du warst schonmal lustiger.
Ich hab übrigens noch nie ein deutsches Auto gefahren (ich kann die mir schlicht nicht leisten).
October 16th, 2008 at 8:04 am
There is a place called “Kalifornien”, too.
http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&q=Kalifornien+Sch%C3%B6nberg+(Holstein),+Pl%C3%B6n,+Schleswig-Holstein,+Bundesrepublik+Deutschland&ie=UTF8&cd=1&geocode=FcB5PgMdK0-eAA&z=15&iwloc=addr
October 16th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Verse 6:
“O father, my father, and saw you not plain
The Erl-King’s pale daughter glide past thro’ the rain?”
“Oh yes, my loved treasure, I knew it full soon;
It was the grey willow that danced to the moon.”
translation by Sir Walter Scott
October 16th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Isn’t there rather a historic reason for the “european” naming of american cities? Cities like “New Amsterdam” were named that way, not because Americans (as if there were any real Americans beside the Indians) thought how beautiful a city Amsterdam is, but because it was founded by dutch people coming to “the new world” (or at least it was founded during that period)?
In the west of Germany you find some french-sounding names such as Saarlouis. Up in the north you find many, many danish names for cities. But we also have copied names of places that we just find beautiful. Some villages at the baltic sea, for example, are named Kalifornien (which is the German name of California) and Brasilien (which is the German name of Brazil).
In contrast to that, the territory that today is called Germany has a much longer history and there never was a movement of tens of thousands or even millions of people into Germany in a matter of a few years as it was with what today is called USA. Over here, it was kind of a more natural growth of population and, thus, the cities.
We have, however, many foreign names for cities that once belonged to other countries.
Oh… and, all in all, I do not think that America is more open to other cultures than Germany - with both having the problem of being “selectively open”. We here in Germany are open for almost everything coming from the US - for example. Also Japan is getting a larger influence - through food and sports (martial arts). And you cannot walk through a larger city nowadays without finding a turkish Döner-Kebap restaurant at every other corner.
The main difference is, that foreigners over here have to integrate themselves, whereas in the US you have many ghettoes (named “China Town”, “Little Italy”).
October 16th, 2008 at 9:57 am
is this a joke or just plain stupid?
October 16th, 2008 at 10:28 am
>Germans even think they invented stuff they didn’t such as flight, the telephone, and the light bulb.
Ok, here we go:
http://nothingforungood.com/2008/05/12/germans-think-americans-dont-know-anything-about-the-rest-of-the-world/
>Maybe they are just jealous that we invented freedom, democracy, fireworks, satellites, and the automobile.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Mr. Einbahn, great you made my day
October 16th, 2008 at 11:23 am
“is this a joke or just plain stupid?”
Why can’t it be both?
October 16th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
In regard to
“Germans only name their streets after famous Germans like Mr. Maximillian, Mr. Reeper, and Mr. Einbahn.”
Not true…look at Hamburg, for example:
http://maps.google.de/maps?t=m&hl=de&q=Hugh-Greene-Weg%2C+Hamburg&sourceid=mozilla-search
named after
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Greene
And of course:
http://maps.google.de/maps?t=m&hl=de&q=martin+luther+king-platz%2C+Hamburg&sourceid=mozilla-search
Even named after an American…*Gasp*
October 16th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Who said Germany is a country proud of its non-existent open-mindedness? It’s our culture and it is much older than the American one.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
What a stupid post!
October 16th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
There’s this thing called sarcasm. It’s in the same family as irony. People take these posts MUCH too seriously.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
i don’t get it. what an argument is this? Our towns and cities are german labeled and of this, we are nationalistic?
the other points: you misjudge because of the erlkoenig. it is “BILDUNG” in general, which is very important.
We read Shakespeare very much too… and for the americans… there are no great authors besides twain, we could memorize
but there are a few philosophs like thoreau…
and inventions… every nation thinks, it has invented everything a little bit. Does this really bother that you think germans are nationalistic? Then every other country is nationalistic, too.
greetings.
October 16th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Right, Press 1 for Spanish, …
I wonder when Americans lost their balls to enforce integration. Spanish is not the only option anymore. My bank offers Polish now. Where do you draw the line? Which number do I have to push for German?
You missed an important point, BTW: The school system!
Just last night during the presidential debate it came up that the American school system is the most expensive one, but it lags behind quite a long list of nations. Germany being one of them.
What say you?
October 16th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Mr. Einbahn ,… that’s nice
October 16th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Tagchen!
This is like looking up several stereotypes on the intarwebz and then itemise them accurately in a blog post. *yawn* I’m absolutely sure you won’t care whether your blog will still be part of my feed reader or not, but this was just meant to be some sort of constructive criticism that maybe you could try to satisfy more readers by not using the humorous “Holzhammer”. 
But this is just a suggestion. Good luck with your blog for the future and please excuse my bad english. 
This blog here was part of my feed reader for quite some time now, because someone else within my feed reader recommended this project so highly entertaining. I think I have read all the articles that were posted since then, but I can’t remember… It seems they were not as funny as this person from my feed reader had tried to convince us of… Today I read this post and I must say I found it offensive. No, I don’t think I lack sense of humour or irony or sarcasm. I either do not claim to understand any nuance of irony that has ever been spitten in my face… But I simply think that this way of exaggerating, over-simplifying and stereotypeing is way too dull to be any more entertaining. I like it subtle and swift.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
sounds a bit like sweden
October 16th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Potential new blog post: “Germans are not good at constructive criticism…”
October 17th, 2008 at 12:46 am
Essen, NRW has a Kennedyplatz. On the other hand: If you are ein Berliner, you are German too!
October 17th, 2008 at 5:31 am
People, plz stop posting links to Google maps. We all read that Germans are always right, so no need to prove.
Or just use tinyurl and alike. Ich krieg sonst Augenkrebs!1!2
And don’t you [giant] morons and take everything so damn serious. It’s a blog and not your chancellor’s state of the union.
BTW NFUG is absolutely right. We Germans like other folks to step UP to our level of playing field and call it the need for integrating. It’s an mentality of exclusiveness.
October 17th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
“Germans are ethnocentric. Why else would there be Rosenstolz?”
Bullseye! Ouch, that hurts!
October 17th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Schwaches Posting.
Das hat ungefähr die Qualität von McCains Wahlkampf: bißchen bemüht, aber nichts Substantielles.
Aber ein kleiner Schwächenanfallmacht nichts bei einem ansonsten hochkarätigem Blog!
October 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
in my native hometown of Leverkusen, we have a place called Brachnell Square, named after the British city of Bracknell, and it comes with original letterbox, and Phonebooth.
I really don’t get your point this time which is a shame. you are trying to make us look as nationalistic, just because your country (at least so I interpreted your text) lack originality to find it’s own names for places. what about going to the netherlands, ask how many kentuckies you’ll find there?
and if Goethe wasn’t relevant, how come even Disney cited him in it’s film Fantasia? Or Brothers Grimm: not relevant? mhhh… you were way better John.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Howdyhoo,
it’s kind of funny to see all the reactions to your last blog entry. Although you can sum them up in a few categories. The main category being: “you’re not right, because blabla, and see! here’s the proof. I read it on wikipedia/google blabla” I don’t know whether you did it on purpose, or if it happened completely by hazard, but your last entry provoked some very typical reactions you described in earlier posts.
Nevertheless people! lean back and try to relax a bit. There’s nothing insulting here, just an opinion. Deal with it and accept it. Everybody has a bad day now and then.
Have a nice day and try to concentrate on the really important things in life.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Chocolate? Since when is Germany famous for chocolate? The Swiss are famous for it and maybe the Belgians but not the Germans. Beer - yes, bread - definitely, but chocolate? You mean sausages, don’t you?
October 17th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Kinderschokolade, Milka…?
Ich finde diesen Artikel sehr glungen, denn hier ist vieles wahr, wenn natürlich auch überzogen dargestellt. Ich habe jedenfalls sehr gelacht!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
And I was just happy to get to read another post, no matter how successful/right/wrong/ironic/exaggerated! Thanks, John, keep ‘em coming!
October 17th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
“Chocolate? Since when is Germany famous for chocolate?”
There is this misleading bit with Homer in the Land of Chocolate that episode with the cringe-inducing original title “Burns verkaufen der Kraftwerk”. (By the way 1: The scene where the Germans, after acquiring the power plant, immediately hoist the black-red-golden flag was - takinking place pre-WM 2006 - just unrealistic.
By the way 2: Milka is Swiss, Kinderschokolade is by Ferrero –> Italian!)
“Germans are ethnocentric. Why else would there be Rosenstolz?”
This part of the blog post I did not get. Can someone explain it fpr me? (I know that they are a German language band. Did they have a nationalistic song?)
October 17th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Äh… I just noticed that I failed to mention that the episode I was talking about was from “The Simpsons”! (But I guess it’s obvious that with “Homer” I didn’t mean the author of the Odyssey…)
October 18th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Ich erlaube mir doch einmal, den Beitrag auf Deutsch zu schreiben - der Blog wird ja ohnehin fast ausschließlich von Deutschen gelesen.
Ich kann nicht erkennen, was die Intention hinter dem aktuellen Blog-Eintrag ist. Ernstzunehmen kann er nicht sein, dazu ist er bei weitem zu albern. Andererseits - für einen satirischen Beitrag ist es zu wenig. Nichts Halbes, nichts Ganzes. Das Problem ist: Die Einträge werden mehr und mehr unrealisitsch, die Beobachtungen treffen oft nicht einmal stereotyp zu. Vieles, was Du (der Autor) schreibst, hat mit deutschen Eigenheiten nichts zu tun.
October 18th, 2008 at 11:06 am
»Der Erlkönig, as if it were a necessary part of being a well-rounded person.« *Pruuuuuust*
Version is: »Erreicht den Hof mit Müh und Not – Der Knabe lebt, das Pferd ist tot!«
The real
Danke. Machte meinen Tag!
October 18th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
May I translate for Tobias: “I don’t get it”
October 18th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
To Bird of Prey: Thanks for the explanation. It was obvious which “Homer” you meant. It’s interesting to see that Germans are famous for chocolate in the states and not just Sauerkraut.
October 18th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
@Anony: Danke. Auch wenn ich englische Sprache durchaus ganz gut beherrsche
October 18th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
@ Bird of Prey: Nope, nothing to understand about Rosenstolz in this regard. It’s just that they released a new album just a bit ago, so the editor of this site is trying to milk it and get some more visitors…
October 18th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Mannomann Leute….
ja, ihr…die manischen sich-in-den-Keller-zum-Lachen-Einschließer…
lest doch mal bitte das hier:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongue_in_cheek
wenn das nicht hilft, bitteschön:
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironie
und wenn das auch noch immer nicht gefruchtet hat, das hier:
http://usaerklaert.wordpress.com/2006/12/18/humor-teil-1-jetzt-mal-im-ernst/
October 18th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
@Hannah Says: October 16th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
There’s this thing called sarcasm. It’s in the same family as irony. People take these posts MUCH too seriously.
Didn´t you kow .. germans don´t have humor at all. Humor becomes surgical removed befor kids learn to talk and is deposed downhole in a salt mine. Authorized surgeon is Dr. Kroenen ( from Hellboy I)
October 18th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Rosenstolz gelten als Band aus dem ehemaligen schwulen Untergrund, die es in den Mainstream geschafft haben, ja per se als hip und multikulturell - und das sie es geschafft haben, als Ausweis der Toleranz und Weltoffenheit der Deutschen.
Ihre Musik indes, insbesondere die letzten, kommerziell überaus erfolgreichen Alben, könnte in ihrem larmoyanten, selbstgefälligen Wehklagen, in ihrer weinerlichen Melancholie und ihren bis zur Sinnlosigkeit auf plakative Gemeinplätze reduzierten Texten deutscher nicht sein (und ich sage das als zeitweiliger Fan der Band).
Somit sind sie ein Musterbeispiel für die als Weltoffenheit getarnte deutsche Etnozentrik. Ich vermute mal, dass das gemeint war.
October 19th, 2008 at 12:04 am
“is this a joke or just plain stupid?”
Exactly my first thought.
October 19th, 2008 at 10:25 am
“Germans are deeply nationalistic. They are just afraid of being labeled nationalistic.”
That’s a point and I think only the second part is worth to think about and maybe worth to change it a little bit.
But the second part is also a part of our roots now, placed in our backbone 60 years ago (that only means it is not so weird that we act that way, doesn’t mean that ist is okay).
The rest of the text is ironic and sarcastic and funny to read.
Some of it is just wrong and the other stuff is just exaggerated.
The only sad think is, that anyone might read it and could come to the point that this is the truth - a ironic flag should be helpfull.
Especially the “names of cities” story is nonsens, because most of the german towns and cities were named hundrets of years ago, where most of the people have absolutely no knowledge abozt foreign business. And as it is said above - many of the U.S. towns were named by immigrants who took their culture and their names to the united states.
Regards from Bremen
Frank
(who lives in the adelaide street - you might know this name from oz…
)
October 19th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
for this nationalism we have a Dayton-Ring, an Amagasaki-Allee and an Elmer-Fryar-Ring
Wendy
October 19th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
It is interesting how all the germans are trying to proove the post wrong in different ways, but nobody argues against the main point of germans being nationalists.
October 19th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
9/10, great job trolling Germany
October 20th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Wow, About time John.. I was wondering if you broke your computer or just fell off the net. Are you running out of things to post about?
October 20th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
@ Frank (’Especially the “names of cities” story is nonsens’): Thanks, I totally didn’t notice. I thought he was serious because there’s really an “Einbahnstrasse” right behind my house.
@Sscadx (”I do not think that America is more open to other cultures than Germany”): The funniest and most brilliant thing about this blog is how John manages to have his intentionally stereotypical points proven in the comments by the same people that are desperately trying to defend themselves… Priceless!
October 20th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Yeah, he’s just writing senseless and offensive stuff about germany without any sign of something funny to prove that germans always know better and don’t laugh.
Brilliant, isn’t it?
October 20th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
So… who says there’s anything wrong with patriotism? of being proud of where you come from? since when is that evil as such? It’s NATIONALISM that’s problematic, but if there’s any group in any country that’s got a big problem with that right now, it’s the Republicans in the US. For anybody not following the news right now, just tune into what is happening with the McCain/Palin rallies right now and ask yourself if it doesn’t remind you of 1939.
Interesting that it seems like not many Americans are posting here. As an American expat currently living in Germany (I’ve been in DE for over 5 years), I will stick my neck out here and say I didn’t find this post particularly successful in its attempt at irony/sarcasm/satire/whatever label you want to put on it.
He who casts the first stone… and all that.
October 21st, 2008 at 12:45 am
Alright, so this one didn’t go over so well. At least I entertained myself writing it. Just the idea of an American calling someone else ethnocentric is pretty to funny to me. The title popped into my head, and I started laughing out loud. Not everyone shares my sense of humor, so I expected to catch some flack for it. All the offense taken to the Sitzpinkler article were the comments that really surprised me.
One of the jokes here is blatantly stolen from a true family story. I have lots of Mormon relatives, one of which went on a mission to Germany. One of their main jobs on their mission is ring people’s doorbells and see if they are interested in a new religion. Since there are several pairs of them assigned to a city, they try to keep track of which places they have visited to keep from visiting the same places over and over. While jotting down notes, one of the American missionaries noted that Hannover has an awful lot of streets named Einbahn.
The first paragraph was really the only thing that I said that I actually believe. Only, I normally would have used the word “patriotic” instead of “nationalistic”, and then no one would have had a problem with the statement. (I am no linguist, but it seems to me the only difference between nationalism and patriotism is whether you are talking about your own country). I find it a bit unfortunate that Germans don’t overtly show their pride more often. Germany certainly has much to be proud of besides soccer.
The speculations on Rosenstolz were pretty funny. Actually I just think they are a crappy band, and that the only reason they are popular is because they sing in German. I could have just as easily substituted Echt there, but I wouldn’t want to post even more outdated stuff.
The idea of the street names came to me because the address of where I worked in Germany for a while was clearly named after an American president / jelly doughnut. I was trying to imagine any American city naming a street Gehard-Schroeder-Street, or Angela-Merkel-Street, and I just can’t imagine it.
And yes, I am completely out of ideas to write about. It’s been almost a year since I have been in Germany last, and I don’t yet have another trip planned.
I am thinking about programming a Torwandschiessen game. The games take me quite a bit of time to program, so please let me know if you enjoy them. (I know Filmriss has been played about 50,000 times, but I don’t know if it was played by a bunch of different people or mostly just one dude trying to get on the high score list.)
October 21st, 2008 at 7:52 am
What the dictionary software says… Patriot: a person who vigorously supports their country. Nationalist: a person with strong patriotic feelings, esp. one who believes in the superiority of their country over others.
My take: In the last 5+ years, having lived in both northern and southern Germany, I cannot say I’ve met a single German who I would describe as nationalistic. I’m not saying they don’t exist — every country has them, and news reports confirm this, unfortunately enough.
What I would describe as an over-arching theme, rather, is that Germans as a whole are quite deeply ashamed of the *Nationalism* in their country’s past. And this then makes it complicated for them to be outwardly or overtly patriotic, because superficially the two might be confused or conflated.
I think that may be one reason why a lot of Germans focus their sense of pride on tangible accomplishments, rather than “qualities” or “characteristics” that might be considered German. For example, many Germans are exceptionally proud of German engineering prowess with respect to washing machines. Now THAT is something I think is very funny, even if (as my German husband points out) I’ve been forced to concede the point that German washing machines are in fact better and better made than American ones. Nah ja, man wird nicht jedes Mal gewinnen können…
October 21st, 2008 at 9:41 am
Hi John,
finde es großartig, dass du noch einmal Stellung dazu bezogen hast!
Ein solche Art von Beiträgen werden sonst nur von Harald Schmidt toleriert und selbst der geht hier und da ein bisschen weit…
Auch mir fällt es oft schwer die Ironie oder Sarkasmus (wie auch immer man das nennen will) herauszulesen.
Wir sind da wohl einfach ein bisschen empfindlich. Kann man wohl nur schwer nachvollziehen wenn man nicht so aufgewachsen ist?
October 21st, 2008 at 8:07 pm
> The Germans inexplicably prefer German cars to the obviously superior
> Japanese varieties, whose quality ratings consistently dominate “German
> Engineering” year in and year out.
Such a great joke!! :-)))) Wonder when finally all the other countries come up with the idea to use Japanese cars instead of German’s
October 21st, 2008 at 8:31 pm
“Only, I normally would have used the word “patriotic” instead of “nationalistic”, and then no one would have had a problem with the statement. (I am no linguist, but it seems to me the only difference between nationalism and patriotism is whether you are talking about your own country).”
——————
Oooooh!
For many germans this acctually makes a very big difference.
Patriotism is what you americans do, i.e. loving your country, singing your anthem, waving you flag and so on.
Nationalism is what destroyed our country and most of this continent with millions of deaths and (war) crimes that go beyond peoples minds.
That’s why the possibilities of being a patriot without being nationalistic is such a big issue in germany.
So yeah, we are afraid of being labeled nationalistic and we are not very receptive to humor when we are called deeply nationalistic.
October 21st, 2008 at 9:26 pm
A so ein Schmarrn! So einen gequirlten Blödsinn ahb ich lange nicht gelesen.
Übrigens war Sophie Scholl (wie Willi Graf, nach dem ebenfalls ein Gymnasium benannt ist), im Wiederstand gegen Hitler. Sie sind dafür gestorben- Sophie war noch keine 22! Ich denke, das ist es wert, ein Gymnasium nach ihr zu benennen.
Ich musste nie den Erlkönig auswenig lernen. Quatsch!!!
“In America we are open and tolerant to the many cultures of the world ” - ich krieg gleich einen Lachkrampf! Die USA stehen fest mit beiden Beinen im Mittelalter! Die christlichen Fundamentalisten sind nicht besser als die islamistischen! Diskriminierung von Schwarzen oder Homosexuellen ist nach wie vor an der Tagesordnung! Also kehr erstmal vor deiner eigenen Haustür.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:04 pm
The late Bundespräsident Johannes Rau once said:
“Ich will nie ein Nationalist sein, aber ein Patriot wohl. Ein Patriot ist jemand, der sein Vaterland liebt, ein Nationalist ist jemand, der die Vaterländer der anderen verachtet.”
(Wikipedia tells me that there are three Johannes-Rau-Plätze and a Ganztagsgymnasium Johannes Rau.)
October 21st, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Oh, and another thing: John mentioned the street of his former working place “named after an American president / jelly doughnut”, as he puts it. The, äh jelly doughnut-speech is the possibly actual reason the street bears his name. Declaring solidarity to West-Berlin during the Cold War made him very popular here, so he is sort of a “special case”. While US streets named after Schöder or Merkel might be unthinkable, a Clintonstraße or - imagine! - a Bushstraße would be equally hard to believe.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Naming a street Angela-Merkel-St. or George-Bush-Str. is unlikely because they are still living and active or recently (demi-)retired politicians respectively.
You never know what (bad stuff) living persons might do next; no such uncertainties with the dead
_______________________________
I also found the earlier entries in this blog to be funnier; probably because you were actually living here or at least visiting on a regular basis.
I am afraid, irony and sarcasm (to me) lose much of their “funniness” if their main points are not dead on target. Somebody else already noted that doing a bit of research/some basic fact-checking with expats/natives might remedy this….
However, the great German idol Mr. Einbahn was worth a good laugh.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:43 pm
There are lots of examples of a “Wilhelm-Busch-Straße” though… but that’s a totally different breed of bush.
Oh, and I just found a “Washingtonplatz” that I didn’t know:
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washingtonplatz
The Johannes Rau quote is a perfect definition, I think. And that’s how most people here in Germany will feel on a subconscious level when they hear the different words.
Still, I’m glad that I interpreted most of the blog post right when I first read it. Thanks for proving my thoughts right with your explanation, John.
And I admit… I laughed out loud at the “Einbahnstraße” thing.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Another case of this American blogger and author experiencing a severe case of mental diarrhea.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:09 am
Please tell me that every single word is sarcasm. If not, I would have to slap you for all this [bullcrap].
Editor’s Note: Please no dirty language. As for sarcasm, I answered this in a previous comment.
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:12 am
John, I think this post is hilarious as ever. Don’t let the negative comments get you down. I wonder why people who don’t realize that sarcasm and irony aren’t “a street named after the famous Mr Einbahn” even care to read this blog? Keep up the good work.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Your post made me smile and nod my head. I had often thought the same, trying to tell a German, that German cars are not ultimately the best, or that the Autobahn is not the coolest and greatest leaves them offended. I have often gotten long and elaborate resonses to why my reasoning is off, and the Germans are the best Recycler and Environmentalist in the World (so not true), have the better Education System, a better Health Insurance etc. I feel that instead of being patriotic about their country they started believing in certain German ideas and principals.
The reactions of your readers just show what nerve you hit and confirm once again your point.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Am meisten beeindruckt hat mich Crishans Link (http://usaerklaert.wordpress.com/2006/12/18/humor-teil-1-jetzt-mal-im-ernst/).
Daraus geht hervor, dass Deutsche, im Gegensatz zu US-Amerikanern oder Briten, ernste Themen ungern mit Humor mischen. Ich weiß zwar nicht, ob das tatsächlich typisch deutsch ist, aber ich kann es bei mir selber bestätigen. Wenn Jemand zum Beispiel über tragische Schicksale berichtet, dann zweifele ich in der Tat an seiner aufrichtigen Anteilnahme, wenn er dabei Scherze macht.
Es ist für mich zwar schwer vorstellbar, aber wenn ich mal kurz unterstelle, dass ”englischer” Humor auch in ernsten Situationen ”erlaubt” ist, dann (und nur dann!) verstehe ich, dass hier vieles oft ”missverstanden” wird.
Doch, wie gesagt, wirklich einsehen kann ich das nicht. Wenn es um eine ernste Sache geht, dann ist Humor meines Erachtens allein schon deshalb fehl am Platze, weil dadurch zu leicht Fehldeutungen provoziert werden. Aber vielleicht bin ich auch nur zu sehr ”Wissenschaftler”, um mal ”Fünfe gerade sein zu lassen”? Bei technischen Berichten legt man halt großen Wert darauf, subjektive Eindrücke (und erst recht Humor) zu vermeiden. Das prägt! *s*
October 25th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Not all schools and streets are named are germans. We have a John-F.-Kennedy-Schule and a John-F.-Kennedy-Platz in Braunschweig.
October 25th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Hmm, Kiel is german, true. Just a few miles away from Kiel you will find two beach-towns calles Kalifornien (California) and Brasilien (Brasilia). And there are also “Amerika”’s in Germany. There’s no Mr Reeper, but Reeper is a place where cordage for ships was made. And Einbahn means One-Way. So really your humor was much better before. Now you arn’t telling true, funny stuff about germany, but [bullcrap]. That’s not funny anymore.
Editor’s Note: Ok, but you still can’t swear. Even if I’m not funny, my mom still reads this.
October 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Yes I can laugh about myself…
But in your text is nothing to laugh about! You talk very negative about germany.
I like it if people can talk about funny and illlogical things in a country…
But this isn’t funny anymore! You just badmouth germany and thats very easy..
For example if I wanted to say some bad thins about America..
to memorize things like Der Erlkönig, as if it were a necessary part of being a well-rounded person.
Well-rounded person..?
Fact is that America has the most Well-rounded persons or not?
Or should I say fat?
Mr.Einbahn
Shows how smattering you write ^__^
You are even to lazy to inform you about facts (?)
Because Einbahn means oneway ..
But I am going to stop this ^__^
It just silly
October 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I am sorry for my bad schoolenglish I am only 15 ;D
October 26th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
nice trollin, 7/10
October 26th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
That is why you fail. - Yoda
You should inform yourself about irony and sarcasm.
Then read the blog post again and enlightenment will be yours.
October 26th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
FYI: My last comment was directed at Neomi. Just to be sure…
October 26th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
@Tarkus,
being a scientist myself, I cannot totally agree with your last paragraph. I do not fear humor, why would I? My research is well recognized and I am able to make a joke and laugh about myself once in a while. Many of my colleagues are able to do the same, so maybe it is your “Germaness” that keeps your from smiling about yourself and making a good joke once in a while.
October 27th, 2008 at 7:45 am
I want to preface this reply with the following: I am an American of German descent, working for a very large german company which now has an american office..
Humor is a funny beast. Some people catch it, some do not. While this website makes me smile. I see a lot of similarities between my work/co-workers and some of the things written about in this blog. Some of them I just do not understand, but thats probably because A) Im not in Germany, and B) I dont speak German.
That does not make the things that I do get any less funny. Some people just need to learn to laugh at themselves once in awhile. And that is totally not a strictly German issue..
October 27th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Complete bollocks. In Berlin, there are schools named after JFK, Pablo Neruda and John Lennon, etc. How many schools named Goethe or Schiller are there in the US? Hmmm…..
October 27th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Now this is by far the worst, most ignorant statement I have so far read on this blog.
Let’s for now just correct some obvious factual errors:
At first, there are numerous street names as well as schools named after important people from other countries. Mostly these are Europeans, but that is simply because, believe it or not, over the last 400 years a big deal of the most important discoveries have been made by Europeans. That said, of course you can find a John-F-Kennedy-Straße or a Astrid-Lindgren-Schule in Germany. (Btw, how many Goethe schools are there in the US?)
Apart from that, why should we deny our national heritage? German history does not only consist of the Third Reich. Germans have been settling in today’s Germany for more than 1000 years. There is actually literature written during the middle ages (ask your favorite librarian about Walther von der Vogelweide, for example), written at a time many hundred years before Columbus set foot on North America. Every country in the world, including the US, prefers to name places, schools etc. with respect to national heroes, why shouldn’t we allowed to do so, too?
“The Germans inexplicably prefer German cars to the obviously superior Japanese varieties”
Ever been to Japan? It is extremely hard to find non-Japanese cars there. Or France? Italy? And are you actually telling me that the fact that Ford is an U.S. company is not even slightly increasing their sells in the States?
If German cars are sold outside Germany in large numbers, this is certainly not because of our positive image in foreign countries (there isn’t any). Maybe it actually has something to do with quality? It might be that Japanese cars are sometimes, or often, superior to German ones, but have you ever dared to compare a GM car to a Mercedes? That’s like comparing a McDonalds hamburger to 5 star French cuisine - let alone the fuel consumption. (I have to admit though that this comparison also works applied to pricing.)
And don’t tell me I didn’t know, I have been living in your country for a fairly long time. There actually are a lot of things in the US which are worth looking at, but forget about the cars. Models like the Impala or the G6 aren’t even sold in Europe because no-one would buy them here. They’re big, but the quality is crappy. I can drive a Mercedes for 300′000 km (that’s about 190′000 miles, for our last-man-standing we-hate-the-metric-system American friends) and still get a decent price for it. Try that with a GM car.
If German cars are sold successfully in the states, there are only two options: Either this is because Americans are so dumb they buy cars which are “obviously inferior” to other, lower priced ones, as you state, or these Americans are not dumb and they simply prefer quality. Choose what you like.
“Germans even think they invented stuff they didn’t such as flight, the telephone, and the light bulb.”
Show me someone who thinks that way. Btw, Germans might not have invented flight, the telephone or the light bulb, but on the other hand, they invented a huge percentage of what is today considered the most valuable accomplishments of every civilized society. This includes the car (Daimler/Benz), the roots of modern bacteriology and medicine (Koch), Theory of Relativity (Einstein), the computer (Zuse), Quantum Physics (Planck), an impressive output of classical music (Bach/Beethoven/etc.), nuclear fission (Meitner/Hahn), and modern mathematics (Gauss), just to name a few.
If you are further interested in this, read “Human Accomplishment: The Pursuit of Excellence in the Arts and Sciences 800 B.C. to 1950″ by the American author Charles Murray. I also recommend “Migrations and cultures” by Afro-American author Thomas M. Sowell. Germany was not the only player involved in creating the foundations of today’s highly advanced civilizations, but it certainly was among the most important ones, only exceeded on some fields by England, France and Italy, while itself outperforming these countries on other fields, such as music. There are only 4-5 peoples on the world which have had an influence to modern technology, science and arts as Germans have had over the last 400 years. The U.S. only became relevant to the history of the Sciences in the 19th and 20th century, before that there weren’t many people there, and those who existed were struggling for survival. Apart from that, a fair amount of accomplishment in the U.S. was achieved by German immigrants, especially Jewish ones fleeing Nazi Germany.
“In America we are open and tolerant to the many cultures of the world and demonstrate this by naming our cities after theirs. Here you’ll find Amsterdam, New York, Paris, Texas, as well as Bremen, Alabama. Germany pretty much only has German names like Darmstadt, Mühlheim, Oberpfaffenhofen, Kiel, and so on.”
Wow, now that’s a surprise. German cities have German names. Impressive! Who could ever have imagined? How dare they? See, recently I was in France and guess what, all the cities had French names. Incredible, eh? And I would swear that in Japan at least 99% of the cities have Japanese names.
Maybe this is hard to grasp for you, but the German culture has existed for way longer than any, yes, any, American city. The same goes for German cities, whose names often date back to mediaval, sometimes even antique times. For example, there is a city named “Osnabrück”. This is derived from “Ossenbrugge”, which is dialect for “Ochsenbrücke” (ox bridge). The city got its name because in mediaval times there was an ox bridge over the river the city is built at. (Btw, you know the British capital London? That town was named after “Londinium”, founded by the Romans in the year 47 (not 1947, 47)!)
And now you are telling us we have to rename cities whose names date back to to, like, the year 800 (not 1800, 800!), because some 20-30 years ago there was a large inflow of immigrants from Turkey and Arabic states who could feel offended or alienated? Is New York going to change its name to something Mexican or Chinese just because the descendants of English settlers have now become a minority?
May I tell you that the US have so many European names for their cities simply because all these cities were founded by European settlers? It had really nothing to do with respecting other cultures. The multicultural ideal was developed many, many, many years later. Racial discrimination was still ongoing in the US as late as in the 1960s.
“Despite a large number of Turkish and Russian guests, you will never hear “Please press 1 for German” in Germany, because those who don’t assimilate won’t be accommodated.”
These people aren’t our “Guests”. They chose to live here and to become Germans. They own, to a large extent, German passports. We demand from people who want to become Germans that they learn our language, which is German. Not English, and also not Turkish or Arabic. It’s our native language, it is pretty much the only place on the world where a majority speaks German (apart from Switzerland and Austria), and thus, we would like to keep it that way.
We have the right to do so, and I can tell you that a majority of U.S. citizens also believes that Spanish-speaking immigrants should learn English. Maybe you think that a USA without a dominant language is nothing to be worried about, but a lot of Americans think differently.
If you are actually a guest here, the most time it will be easy for you to communicate in English. There is no single hotel reception clerk who doesn’t speak English in Germany. You can even talk to the police in English, as well as to most people on the streets. Which is pretty much the opposite of what any German-speaking person has to experience when in the US if he or she doesn’t speak English.
There are actually situations where you have to speak German in Germany? Boy, now that’s really a symptom of the German obsession with world domination, isn’t it? Since in the US I can get along so well with European languages like German, or French, or Italian, or Polish, or Swedish, or Danish, or Dutch, right?
Have you ever been to Sweden? Did you ask the Swedish people why they have the impudence of setting up signs in Swedish? I mean, hey, Swedish is only spoken by a few people on a worldwide scale. Shouldn’t they change everything to English so that English-speaking Guests too ignorant and lazy to learn any other language, such as, say, a large majority of all U.S. citizens, wouldn’t feel alienated? That would also have the advantage that these guests could joke about how bad other people’s English is, while themselves not knowing a single word of any foreign language.
In essence, you are saying that Germans are ethnocentric because they have a distinct culture which is different from the one you come from. From that point of view, every culture in the world is ethnocentric, of course with the exception of the United States.
I really, really advise you to visit a non-Western country for some time, such as China. Believe me, things will never be the same again.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:23 am
John [not the author] (Johann, Hans, Johannes, Juan?),
why not take the time to glimpse around the other comments? I did! Among a lot of stupid stuff (just how can people NOT grasp the concept of irony?) proving that some, no, many Germans DO overreact on criticism to this country and many biglink georeferences you could have found the statement of John [the author] explaining everything there is to explain.
I also think John [the author] hit the nail on the head with “Alright, so this one didn’t go over so well.” Because it isn’t necessarily so that every other person out here rotfl due to “Just the idea of an American calling someone else ethnocentric is pretty to funny to me” as right as he is with it.
Cheer up, folks!
October 28th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Wo ist denn die Übersetzung für Astrid?
October 28th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Dude,
Sometimes you got to let go to have fun living abroad. Relax a bit and cut the bitterness from some entries and you might make it to SNL Dieter Sprockets quality in taking the piss out of German stereotypes. But let’s face it Mike Meyers is Canadian.
In any case you deserve a little sympathy for your quite funny blog. I can relate to the little quirks that brush you the wrong way, which you are experiencing everyday. I’ve lived abroad for quite some time incl. North America and the UK, noticing all the little things which are hard to understand that they are so different. Like not using double glassing in the cold north of the US heating your house and garden during grim winters, bad workmanship in most construction, plaster falling of the wall in newly renovated houses etc. And I liked to bitch and moan about all these little things. In the end if you sweat the small stuff it spoils your experience. And it might be time to leave. Because deep inside, you start feeling your roots, with what you were brought up and love at home. And this is a good feeling to know and one of the assets that develops mostly abroad.
Coming from a country that calls a sports tournament “World Series” in which only US teams and some Canadians play, should display some tolerance to how other countries name their streets – I do love the “Einbahn” though.
You might have forgotten all the JFK, New York, Washington, Roosevelt, etc. Strassen und Plaetze. And yes we do have Tuerken, Roemer, Lisabon Strassen and many more of these. Many of these streets actually relate to occupancy or historic events taking place there over hundreds of years. But overall the French seem to be closer to our hearts than the Americans, when it comes to picking foreign street names. You might also have noticed that most cities and even the smallest villages have partner cities elsewhere in the world and even have youth-exchanges going and visit each other. Something the US might like to try. And maybe only with the US – this might help to close the divide within this big country.
Happy blogging and a stereotype goody you might like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMQnPWjK5pE
Vancouver
October 28th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I have just read about this site in the German computer magazine c’t and from the description in the magazine it sounded very fun to read. So I instantly opened my browser just to find this Article and that was really disappointing. We Germans have a lot of things which can be made fun of, and I am a fan of irony, but as john [not the author] pointed out very thoroughly this article is plainly stupid and not funny. If you point out weird habits the Germans have that is funny. But if a US American tells me how great his country is I instantly lose interest in reading further. I don’t know if you have noticed this so far: Americans aren’t the most popular people in the World these days. You shouldn’t tell us how superior your country is compared to Germany. Better stick to a rather neutral point of view that any other foreigner in Germany could also have written.
October 28th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
you are so wrong!
why should germans buy japanese cars, if they want to support local industry?is this nationalistic thinking…or common sense? (that’s why american car-industry is bankrupt?)
they also have streets named “lincoln”, “washington”, “london” and “russia”.
you cannot compare german culture with american culture, there are thousand of years differrence. at the time when germany has had already their great thinkers…america was waiting for the mayflower
October 29th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Well done
if there ever was a way to make readers do the writing for a blog through comments, you’ve certainly discovered it 
There are clearly two sides emerging from the 80-something comments so far. Those who clearly missed the sarcasm bit and (if that wasn’t bad enough) feel personally and nationally challenged to prove your point
by ranting about seemingly obvious mistakes in your post -
and the few who see your post for what it is - a great piece of bicultural sarcasm that can only be appreciated in full by those who know both cultures reasonably well. Good work!
And being a German, it stands outside the question
that I have to justify Germany’s relative ethno-centricity compared to the multicultural society that are the US of A today. Clearly Germany and the USA are completely different countries, and Germany being a product of Europe’s centuries of xenophobia, Kleinstaaterei and all it surely is no wonder that we are what we are. And compared to how Germany fared before the rise of the Nazi monsters we’ve come a long way in terms of cultural tolerance and multicultural ambitions.
I’ll close by mentioning how very nationalistic and self-centered our European neighbours still are today - in the early 21st century. France still regards herself as the greatest nation of the world, Poland, Slovakia, Denmark - you name it. They’re all very much full of themselves and so are - by the way - the USA whereas it doesn’t matter if you include immigrant cultures into your national ethos or not.
I even daresay that German sentiments regarding culture and traditions are not nationalistic but deeply localist or regionalist at best. I guarantee that you’ll find as much resentment to any German’s neighbouring _county’s_ dialect, food, politics, reg plates etc. as to a neighbouring nation
Centuries of being split into hundreds of small countries each with their own money, law system, values and culture may have brought this upon us.
October 29th, 2008 at 1:58 am
Sorry wegen der verspäteten Übersetzung. Ich bin halt faul.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
You forget that the first immigrants in America named their new-founded settlements after their hometowns. That is why Americans have New York etc.
German towns, however, have got German names, because most of them are much older as the American ones. Their tradition completely differs.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:51 am
As a German living in the US please remind me of the tolerance of Americans next time you want to ban gay marriage or invade a country who’s leaders you disagree with. Or when I send my next check to social security, which I am required to pay but cannot benefit from because I’m not American… or sit at immigration for 3 hours even though I have a greencard…
October 30th, 2008 at 1:58 am
Well aside from those things, we are completely tolerant and accepting. Thanks for helping to pay for our retirement.
I had a similar situation in Germany, where I had to pay unemployment insurance, but my residence permit was valid only while working at my company. So if they fired me, I would get kicked out the country, making it tough to cash out my insurance policy. But hey, I was also benefiting from taxes payed by others before I moved there, so in the end it’s a wash.
October 31st, 2008 at 3:58 pm
hm… a little off centre there? Instead of focussing on facts (as pointed out above), you seem to like to trash Germany for things that make perfect sense over here? Ever thought about the fact, that most of our cities existed before America was even founded? Why would you rename something simply because you found a nice city somewhere else? Go figure.
October 31st, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Since you already noticed Germans like facts (usually only the ones that support our own opinion of course) I can’t resist and respond to that… Yes, you have to pay social security in Germany as a foreigner, but as long as you live there you can also collect it and when you leave the country for good you can get it back. The only way for me to ever see my money again is to become American, which - I know this will shock a lot of people - I have no intention of doing. Well, I can’t vote, but I can live with that (taxation without representation, where did I hear that before?).
As for the cars, it always depends on what you prefer: If you want a rolling cup holder you buy an American car. If you like gadgets and feel like sitting in a moving game console you go Japanese. And if you want to have fun driving a mean looking car, you buy a German one. If you ever drove e.g. a Honda Accord and then change in e.g. an Audi you’ll know what I mean. If you don’t know what a Honda Accord looks like, don’t worry, Japanese cars all kind of look the same, it really make no difference… (I actually also like French cars, but since this is all about stereotypes I’ll keep it as a side note).
November 1st, 2008 at 7:28 pm
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amerika_(Penig)
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:43 pm
First i like to thank ScottW for this great comment which was full of TRUE facts
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:14 pm
and the other thing…
There are many comments which say…
Hahaha..so funny
or
Germans can’t laugh about their selfs…
I wonder if I would write a text which would attack the American culture..
(If America has a culture cuz I am really not sure if there is one :D)
If all the american ppl would say something like that again..
Cause EVERYBODY in the howl world knows how highly senitive Americans react when you talk about things which go so wrong in the U.S ..
(Maybe cuz they know it..)
If I would write such a cursorily text like john (the author) it would sound like this …
America is a warloving-country with a dumbass as president.
I saw a report abourt American children in the U.S whose parents were in War and there was a boy which said I want Mc Cain for president..
The reporter asked him why cuz if he wants Mc Cain for president his father would be in Afgahnistan even longer ans he said yes i know but it is more important to fight against terrorism…I was shocked cuz even a little boy wanted that his own dad stays in Afgahnistan for even longer!
So another thing
America don’t care if the world goes under ..
Have fun!
Cuz they still think they can destroy our enviroment like they want to.
Hey, why should America care the others can but Americ don’t has to .. ;D
Lets drive our big cars and pollute our enviroment!
….. I have been to America and I like it but there are things which worry me. After all I don’t need to sit down and write a blog with all the bad things I can find about America..(and thats easy trust me ;D)
HAHAHAHA FUNNY
And only one thing
PLEASE AMERICA PLEASE VOTE OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT !!
(Don’t be stupid again and vote a second bush ..)
November 4th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
More than 95 responses later and no one commented on Tim’s statement:
> I live here for 32 years, but I can´t remember anyone declaring that the telephone or the light bulb are german inventions.
See here a webpage of the Philipp-Reis-Realschule:
http://www.philipp-reis-realschule.de/content/view/59/74/
and an article about the “Erfinder der Glühbirne”:
http://www.helles-koepfchen.de/erfinder_der_gluehbirne.html
Which proves three points:
1) The telephone and the light bulb where in fact invented by germans! In fact everything invented since invention of sliced bread was invented by germans (including the sliced bread, of course)!
2) German do name their schools after german inventors. This really makes sense as a) we have quite a lot of inventors (see 1) and b) who would like to go to a Antonio-Meucci-Realschule? Heck, noone would even remember how to write it correctly!
3) German teachers are not even able to spell simple english words like “kids” correctly. So don’t be irritated by Neomi’s awful english - it’s just the way we teach it here.
Examples:
“cuz”:
short fort customised
“the american ppl”:
the american piano pitching legislation
“Cause EVERYBODY in the howl world”:
all the actors of the SCREAM! movie
“how highly senitive Americans react”:
how highly lenitive Americans react
“If I would write such a cursorily text like john”:
I am not only unable to write funny texts, but also willing to prove it!
“I saw a report abourt American children”:
I am concert about abortion laws in America
“Afgahnistan” (2X):
I don’t know how to write it correctly, i don’t know where it is and i don’t know that there are german soldiers fighting in this country.
“why should America care the others can but Americ don’t has to”
Please don’t buy the ventilators from
http://www.americ.com/
November 7th, 2008 at 7:42 am
hmmmmm sure! American are open minded. In especial the government.
hmmm The tanks in Mexican border are just to make easier a diplomatic dialogue.
Also, black series, black places, Latino places shows really that everyone is united there!
I see in germany no series or movies with everyone black or everyone white. I see in germany no especial streets for black or Turkish…
Ok Germany is not perfect. But can teach USA a lot of things, in especial to have a own personality. Dont steal the best musicians and scientists and USA dont invented the plane also. It was Brazil.
I have nothing agaist most ppl in USA, but dont come to me to say its a land of freedom. Please!
November 13th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
but isn’t this true of many other non-North American countries (think Asia)? I don’t think it’s really a german thing… this is nothing new..
November 14th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Ha! Just look at their love for Lufthansa! LH is superior in every way with their overly cramped seats, and generally sterile service. I get the strangest looks when I say I only fly LH long haul as a last resort (Singapore Airlines and Emirates rock). The retort normally is that LH is so safe, having not had an accident since Adenauer was chancellor. Yeah if you call landing too fast in a tail wind on a rain slicked runway in Warsaw and sliding off the end and into a concrete bunker a “near miss”.
By the way, I mostly prefer living here (Germany) rather than there (USA). Like you, I just think it’s fun noting all of the “WTF was that?” moments.
November 15th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
You’re right about the phone options, of course, we’re too narrow minded. There should be
Press 1 for German
Press 2 for Bavarian
Press 3 for Saxonian
Press the Red Telephone button for other options
November 16th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Much to learn you have! This article probably tells more about you as an American then us as Germans.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
It’s so nice to see how a little irony and sarcasm arouses ppl taking the post way too serious. The good thing is, the irony in it touches both sides of the ocean, so I hope you keep on with your well-balanced quirks about German-American topics
November 23rd, 2008 at 11:49 am
Someone above wrote taht our German culture was much older than th American one, and I would like this to be cleared out, for it is wrong.
For one thing, there never even has been a completely monogenous German culture to start with, it was naught but a conglomerate of different Germanic tribes that shared, indirectly by means of several sometimes greatly differing dialects, a common language, you can’t possibly consider the “Holy Roman Empire of German Nation” to be a cultural nation, much more a nation of different cultures coexisting.
In fact, before Napoleon the German people didn’t even refer to themselves as a German people (sure they called themselves German, but that’s as culturally German as your 2nd generation German Turk nowadays), they were Hessian, Saxon, Thuringian, Bavarian, Alemannic, Frisian, Prussian, etc. ad nauseam.
Secondly, and more importantly: The modern understanding of German (which is hugely different to older understandings, and which you are most likely applying here) is hardly older than the BRD itself (which is in turn much younger than the United States of America, obviously), with all that nonsensical exclusion of the Batavians, Letzebuergsch and since WWII even Austrians.
TL;DR
The American people is older than the German people, the German people just has had an insanely huge prelude.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
That was a dumb entry. Not funny, not smart, not sarcastic either. Just dumb. I think you just wanted people to rant. Please go back to being funny.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Na, das stimmt aber nun nicht, das es in Deutschland keine Orte gäbe, die nach Orten in anderen Kulturkreisen benannt sind. Hier:
http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&geocode=&q=Westerstede&sll=37.09024,-95.712891&sspn=108.390833,226.40625&g=Amerika&ie=UTF8&ll=53.300518,7.900715&spn=0.044215,0.11055&t=h&z=13
Das schöne ist: Neuengland ist nicht nur nach einem Land in Europa, einer Region in Nordamerika und Australien benannt, sondern gleichzeitig eine Stadt in North Dakota. Wir sind halt gründlich, was hattest Du erwartet?
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England
December 8th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
and never forget that the capitol of north dakota is hilter… that’s how open you are… (YES, i get all my knwoledge from the simpson,b escause homer knows best
)
http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/episodes/7F02
December 9th, 2008 at 10:37 am
If Americans can afford it, they drive german cars, too. I wonder if there is a town called “Bagdad” in the US, got to check google for it.
December 15th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
My favorite example of an American city sharing the name of one in Germany is Coburg, Oregon.
December 30th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Above Post :Much to learn you have! This article probably tells more about you as an American then us as Germans. *oh so true!
December 30th, 2008 at 7:02 am
i been surrounded by nothing but us army folks and oh those people re all soooooooo open minded ! my daughter goes to us schools and learns nothing but the history of america * open minded? you say you german and they give you the * oh your one of those! 18 years and it goes on and on and on…I dont need to defend myself as a german i dont have a border, i can and will voice my oppinion open and freely without being called a trader . trash you own own country and they will love you. Love your counrty ans speak highly of it and watch out they will never look at you the same. i learned english to fit in but i never did perhaps its the millitary who knows but it is allways easy to trash on another then to look at your own faults. in generals i love this blog but yeah…this guy must have had a bad day or something but the facts are anything else but true this time around. perhaps next time i am in aldi i’ll learn a bit of russian so i can talk to the cashier in god old germany. or i’ll learn spanish when i travel to texas. mhhhhhhh.what re you worried about big ol’ USA? we are nothing more then just a spec on the map. and we get phased out by all that comes in * love multi culti culture. yes i bought into it as well but as i’m getting older and see the german culture shrivel with all its english commercials on tv and the doner stands an each corner. like my hubby allways says * i cant believe we are in geramny, where did all the Bratwurst staende? and yes he is a true american from ark.
so insteadt caring for one another be bash each other. i call that dick comparrision. mine is bigger then yours. again it is easy to bash…i think i just did……….wops
May 24th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
People mentioned irony and sarcasm. In my book irony and sarcasm are usually applied with intelligence. This post unfortunately is plain stupid. Even if one doesn’t care about the “facts”.
May 26th, 2009 at 3:27 am
Hessische stay with your Wurst. You haven’t got a clue what you’re “tawking” about (Brooklyn accent). Read Tom Wolfe’s “The Bonfire of the Vanities.”
Yes, there were many kingdoms, dukedoms and city states.
A good example is the Free and Hanseatic City of Hamburg, which has
been a City-State for the last 820 years. Emperor Barbarossa granted Hamburg “Free City” status in 1189 and she remains a free city to this day. Hamburg has NEVER partnered with any other German kingdom or
dukedom in her entire history. While other German states during the last 400 years were still basically agragrian, Hamburg sent her ships all over the seven seas, establishing commercial and consular contacts from Shanghai to Buenos Aires, with the result that Hamburg has more consulates that any other city in the world. Number 2 is NYC with three less.
When Bismarck united the German States in 1871 Hamburg only joined on the condition that it remain a “Free City”, otherwise the Hamburg Senate
was prepared to declare the city a “Free Republic.”
Hamburg gave shelter to 18,000 Hugenottes who fled France because of
Catholic persecution.
Today Hamburg is the Trading and Media capital of Germany in addition
to having Europe’s 2nd largest port, after Rotterdam, who became the largest because of its proximity to the Ruhr area.
Today Hamburg remains the most liberal city in Germany because
its citizen always were more metropolitan than other Germans.
Singapore and Hamburg are the only fully functioning City-States in the
world and I hope Hamburg’s free city status will remain for all eternity.
God Bless Hammonia!!!!!
August 10th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
I’m shocked, really, to see that so few people are capable of understanding irony and that John is actually making fun of Americans, not Germans. This post may not have been the funniest, but I’m sure there was no ill will meant by it. Geeze people, lighten up! The German friends of mine who directed me to this site sure think it’s funny… so I know you have the humor in you, maybe it just needs some dusting-off.
August 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
It really amazes me that some readers did not get the Mr. Einbahn joke, and mark it down to a supposed lack of your knowledge of Germany.
Many years ago my aunt visited Germany, and based on all the signs on the Autobahn, she thought “Ausfahrt” must be a really large city. 
Most comments take the topic much too seriously, and fail to see the exaggeration associated with sarcasm. Lighten up!
Overall a great blog.
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Jetzt wollen wir mal dir Kirche im Dorf lassen, wie wir Deutsche sagen.
Definitiv haben Deutsche das Fliegen und das Telefon erfunden - das sind unwiderlegbare Fakten.
Dass die Amerikaner es besser verstehen, aus solchen Dingen Kapital zu schlagen und technische Entwicklungen nicht zum Wohle der Allgemeinheit, sondern des Profites wegen publik machen, macht sie noch lange nicht zu deren Erfindern - obwohl sie das immer denken.
Hier ist es also genau umgekehrt.
December 9th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
just saying: Kiel is not German but Danish, the name I mean… it means s.th. along the lines of bay/ arrow…
February 16th, 2010 at 1:28 am
John: So you’ve turned into a joke-explainer yourself now?
(Witzeerklärer could be another Weichei/Sitzpinkler synonym.)
Why yes, we’re all closet Nazis and plotting the recovery world domination all day long - every German knows the Evil Overlord Rules by heart
The only culture YOU have is found in yoghurt, so of course we don’t assimilate anything of it. Ever. 
(Seriously, British rock music - at least up to and including the eighties - is so much better than American rock music, for example … But really, it’s funny how deeply German even a lot of music and other pop culture coming from Germany is. The whole dark/goth/medieval/pagan subculture is so incredibly 19th century German.
It doesn’t get more German than Rammstein, either - well, except that they really do have a LOT of dark humour. I think they do parody foreign stereotypes of Germans now that I think of it - there’s something very subtle, multifaceted and even nested or recursive about their image and humour, much like your blog. “Music to invade Poland to” - that description really nails it.
Oh, and the Scorpions - they were actually quite subversive, they started out writing lyrics in English instead of in German because they wanted to be conquer the international rock business and be, like, the best and most successful rock band ever. Hey, if we Germans know anything, it’s world domination.)
On the other hand, we Germans have been around so long and the English are basically a German tribe, and in view how the whole Midwest is full of the descendants of German emigrants, you Americans are essentially a German tribe too … I mean, the whole of Europe is so shaped by German culture, soaked by its influence, that there is no real civilisation beyond the reach of its sphere. Only primitive tribes, and tourism. Oh yeah, and we did eventually reach our goals: through the EU, dominate Europe; manage to enslave inferior races such as Slavs, Middle Easterners and blacks who are now our servants; and turn Southern Europe effectively into a holiday colony. Bwahaha. Eventually, our engineers will even improve the weather here.
(Was that enough political incorrectness now? My impression of a stereotypical nationalist German might be stark, and prove too much for the Germans, but how about the Americans?)
I think, however, that the whole Nazi and nationalism issue is a sensitive spot for many Germans (not for me, I have a morbid fascination with that, and let’s not forget that there were a lot of caustic political jokes around, against the stereotype even openly told among NSDAP members themselves!), and that’s why many reacted deeply offended. Nazis and nationalism, that’s serious business, it’s taboo as a target for humour just like 9/11 or Obama used to be.
But who knows, deep inside many of us perhaps do hold very Nazi-like ideas, and there have even been surveys claiming to prove that fascist ideas are still widely held among Germans, even if most of them wouldn’t even recognise them as that. Perhaps it’s the shock of self-recognition that makes some Germans so utterly agitated about the suggestion?
Tarkus: Hmm, I’ve encountered quite a lot of dark humour even coming from Germans, but it seems to be more common with professionals dealing with unpleasant experiences on a routine basis, such as paramedics.
I’m not sure, but if the notion wasn’t widely viewed as in itself nationalistic, the German “Volksseele” should be a fascinating research object …
February 17th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
(Disclaimer: I get that the jingoism in Florian Blaschke’s post is for purposes of humour!
Nevertheless a few comments)
“in view how the whole Midwest is full of the descendants of German emigrants”
Concerning this, Wikipedia has a quite expressive map here:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a7/Census-2000-Data-Top-US-Ancestries-by-County.svg/2000px-Census-2000-Data-Top-US-Ancestries-by-County.svg.png
(Yes, when I first saw it, I thought “WTF??” too!)
“Oh yeah, and we did eventually reach our goals: through the EU”
Yes, within continental Europe, Germany is near the top again. But this time, in a non-militaristic way and IN COOPERATION WITH instead of AGAINST France, which is something different at last, and awesome! ^^
February 19th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
The map does not surprize ME! I keep telling you guys this, and you don’t listen! 1 out of every 4 Americans can claim German ancestry - that is a quarter of the population, 76M people! I’m more surprized that there are any Germans left in Germany!
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:56 pm
I was actually referring to that map.
Interesting how it is suprising for all concerned parties, both Germans and Americans!
Now it IS a good question what (possibly subtle and less than obvious) influence all those German emigrants had on US American culture and language.