Look. McDonald’s, we need to talk. It’s about your breakfast. You do quite a few despicable things, but none so bad as your handling of breakfast in Germany. Even the few months each year where you make a mockery of foreign culinary traditions aren’t so bad. But your performance before 10:30 am each day is just simply unacceptable.
German McDonald’s, you need to serve biscuits. Whether or not you accept this position, you serve as our American ambassadors of goodwill in the Fatherland, and you misrepresent us each and every morning that you don’t serve biscuits. Not biscuits with butter, not biscuits with jam or jelly. You have no sausage biscuit, no bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. There are parts of America where biscuits are served with every single meal of the day, and you don’t even bother to offer them at their most needed time.
Your mother company has scientifically engineered the perfect biscuit sandwich, the McGriddle. Process after process ensures that this masterpiece won’t disappoint. They even photolithographically etch the arches into each half and dope the substrate with maple syrup. A syrup-infused biscuit McDonald’s Germany. That’s what Germans should be having for breakfast. Not “Sweet Breakfast”, which is actually in no way sweet at all.
McDonald’s, your motto was once “One World, One Taste,” and now the Germans can’t even buy hash-browns.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden
Sei gegrüßt Astrid!
Hier die Übersetzung:
Offener Brief an McDonald’s Deutschland Inc.
Sehen Sie. McDonald’s, wir müssen uns unterhalten. Es geht um Ihr Frühstück. Sie machen ja schon ein paar verachtenswerte Dinge, aber keines ist so schlimm wie die Art und Weise, wie sie das Frühstück in Deutschland handhaben. Sogar die wenigen Monate im Jahr, in denen Sie ausländische Kochkünste nachäffen, sind gar nicht so schlecht. Aber Ihre Leistung vor 10.30 Uhr jeden Tag ist schlicht inakzeptabel.
Deutsches McDonald’s, Sie müssen Biscuits servieren. Ob Sie diese Position akzeptieren oder nicht, Sie dienen als unsere amerikanischen Repräsentanten des Wohlwollenes im Vaterland, und Sie präsentieren uns falsch an jedem einzelnen Morgen, an dem Sie keine Biscuits servieren. Nicht Biscuits mit Butter, nicht Biscuits mit Marmelade oder Gelee. Sie haben keine Würstchen-biscuits, keinen Speck-Ei-und Käse-biscuit. In bestimmten Teilen Amerikas werden Biscuits mit jeder Mahlzeit des Tages serviert, und Sie schicken sich nicht einmal dazu an, sie während der am dringendsten benötigten Zeit anzubieten. Ihre Mutterfirma hat das perfekte Biscuit-Sandwich wissenschaftlich entwickelt, das McGriddle. Prozess nach Prozess garantiert, dass dieses Meisterstück nicht enttäuschen wird. Sie gravieren sogar die Bögen per Fotolithographie in jede Hälfte und dotieren das Substrat mit Ahornsirup. Ein von Sirup durchdrungenes Biscuit, McDonald’s Deutschland. Das ist es, was die Deutschen zum Frühstück haben sollten. Nicht “Sweet Breakfast” das eigentlich in keinster Weise “sweet” ist.
McDonald’s, Ihr Motto war einmal “Eine Welt, ein Geschmack”, und nun können die Deutschen noch nicht einmal Hashbrowns kaufen.
Mahlzeit,
John
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November 18th, 2008 at 5:03 am
so true! poor germans are missing out….
November 18th, 2008 at 6:19 am
One world - no taste!
You didn’t even mention the rip-off Mickey-D prices here. Tsk.
November 18th, 2008 at 7:08 am
One-half of your wishes have already come true.
McDonald’s Deutschland has debuted its new breakfast concept in northern Germany since September 2008. You can see the details at our restaurant website. In short:
* with sausauge
* with McGriddles
* no biscuits
* no hash browns
The new breakfast concept will be rolling out in eastern and western Germany this November, and south of the white-sausage border in March.
Disclaimer: my wife is a franchisee of McDonald’s Deutschland Inc. (a Delaware corporation). Never heard of this “McDonald’s Germany GmbH & Co. KG”… if the restaurant you go to has this on their front door, they’re an imposter!
November 18th, 2008 at 8:03 am
When I was at McDonald’s a few weeks ago, they served McGriddles. But the idea of a Brötchen soaked with maple syrup and filled with bacon wasn’t too appealing, so I took scrambled egg. (This was disappointing as well as it did not show any traces of having had contact to a hot surfece - it seemed to have been heated in the microwave oven)
November 18th, 2008 at 8:14 am
Well, ”One World - One Taste” is quite simple when just making Burgers and french fries. I think this target is outdated nowadays. We like McDonald’s the German way as we f.e. like Gyros or Pizza the German way, which are disappointing poor in their home countries. Taht does not mean, that American Breakfast is poor! But it’s different. An that’s OK for me.
November 18th, 2008 at 8:38 am
This is boring.
November 18th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Well, let’s assume McDonald’s was in fact from North Thailand. Would you enjoy a nice McCockroach along with some mealworms (large please - eat in)?
Like the metric system has had a large influence on the naming conventions for fast food (see “Pulp Fiction”), the specific country’s culture does influence what you get there.
While I consider an American Breakfast a nice thing, most other people in Germany may not. For McDonald’s that means one thing: Loss of profit.
Finally, let me ask one question: Who the hell cares about breakfast @ McDonald’s?? Have your breakfast at home or eat something “real” there…
November 18th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I truly enjoy reading your blog and most of your articles are spot on, but this one …
There is a good reason why McDonald’s doesn’t serve biscuits outside of the US: If you didn’t grow up with them it is much easier to notice that biscuits are one of the worst culinary items ever created within the US, on par with candy corn and sweethearts. They are mostly dry, flavorless (unless you count the overwhelming flavor of flour and baking powder) and simply have a gruesome texture. And soaking them in syrup or butter only remind one how much more enjoyable both would be, if eaten with anything BUT a biscuit.
Any sane person would take a German “Brötchen” over a biscuit any time, even McDonald’s lousy buns are more preferable.
November 18th, 2008 at 10:08 am
That sounds really ugly. I can’t imagine to eat smth like that as a breakfast *uargh
November 18th, 2008 at 10:30 am
@peter: That was nonconstructive.
The question remains…would Germany start distributing Tums in the gas stations to complement the American breakfast?
November 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I don’t get it. Is there a difference between the german McGriddle and the American one? I hope so because the McGriddles McDonalds has in Germany just taste disgusting. I tried one once but never again.
I want the bagle back. I stopped having breakfast at McDonalds when they discontinued the bagle.
November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I do not see the point. Since when McD is serving food? I think you are mistaking the styrofoam and foam rubber lookalikes with real food.
Do not let the lecker smell mislead you, just have a closer look at the poor design of their products.
It is like in deer hunting, there are substitutes for everything now. It smells like a deer, it sounds like a deer, it probably looks like a deer, but it is just death in disguise. The only difference: A bullet grants a quick death. Burgers & C. don’t.
November 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Well, I would certainly not mind that. KFC could read this letter as well! I miss biscuits.
November 18th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Biscuits, as well as white bread (Toast for Deutschlings) are evil inventions of countries with an overproduction of wheat. Firstly, they are one of the major causes of obesity and secondly, Germany, Belgium and Holland and some other surrounding countries have some of the finest bread in the world. Why would Germany want to replace a wonderful Dreikörnerbrot with some stale biscuits for breakfast? You just want to save your economy by making us depend on them, and later maple syrup! Vade retro, Satanas! - ‘twil never happen!
November 18th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
and later maple syrup!
Haha, you gotta be kidding, Jorgo. What you really mean is “corn syrup with artificial maple flavor”, right???
November 18th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Shouldn’t there be a dish escpecially designed for Germans: The McGrizzle?
Seriously, my fellow country(wo)men (or are there more Americans without a sense of humour here than Germans?): Just try to switch into irony mode. Considering your comments, you take this blog too seriously.
November 18th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
McGriddles in the US are not made with biscuits, they’re made with pancackes infused with maple syrup. BIG difference. I dont care much for McDonalds biscuits, but I love the ones I make, or even the ones you get at KFC.
November 18th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@Michel: Food is a serious thing! No jokes about food!
November 18th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Yep, them Gehacktesbroetchen I see the Goimans eating for breakfast are a lot healthier!
November 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I’m still trying to work out what a ‘biscuit’ might be. It’s not a Brötchen, it’s not a burger bun, it’s not toast … What is it?
The only biscuits I know are Kekse, but they wouldn’t really go with bacon and cheese (would they?) and you call them ‘cookies’ anyway.
November 18th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Well… Every nation of the world has its own breakfast traditions. You can’t really believe that you can force the rest of the world to eat one of the many variations of american breakfast in the morning. McD. does believe so and so they sell in each contry the traditional local breakfast. Everything else would only rsult in monitary losses. And that’s something they do not want. So please keep your biscuits with maple syrup in the US and try our perfect continental (blame the brits for that) breakfast with bread rolls or toast or croissants with jam or marmelade or Nutela or … You will like it!
November 18th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
On another point, what is up with MickeyD Deutschland not serving free ketchup??!! I was so incensed when first bought fries in McD in Germany and they didn’t serve free packets of ketchup with it! I wrote Mc Donalds an email and they gave me some bull that due to higher production costs, they have to charge 15 cents for a 35 ml packet of ketchup. IN a land where a tube of Tomatenmark is 50 cents.
from a Longtime lurker
November 18th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Jorgo writes: “Biscuits, as well as white bread (Toast for Deutschlings) are evil inventions of countries with an overproduction of wheat. Firstly, they are one of the major causes of obesity and secondly, Germany, Belgium and Holland and some other surrounding countries have some of the finest bread in the world.”
Oh, but is that not a bit harsh on biscuits and white bread?
Also I’d be too curious who actually invented the bisquit as such. I suspect that the original biscuit must most definitely have been invented by the Chinese long before us lot here were even aware of the letter b alone. The Chinese seem to be awsome performers in the area of inventing things thousands of years before someone in the west has a crack at a similar thing.
But I digress.
What I actually wanted to say is this: surely we all agree that biscuits are just lovely, no? Take the the Danish kind. If I am not mistaken, they are the ones in Germany also called Butterspritzgebaeck. They sell them at Aldi’s. You gotta just love them. Only topped by my mum’s very own special secrect Weihnachtskeks recipe. Believe me. Nothing can beat those. Nothing!
Well, maybe something with chocolate.
Mit kruemeligen Gruessen
Herr B.
November 18th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I haven´t had breakfast at McD since they stopped serving the McBaguette about 10 years ago.
The other stuff they´re seving for breakfast ist almost uneatable, especially the EggMcMuffin and the McCroissant.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
You can’t get a decent american breakfastzt in germany, except for some diner-like restaurants. All you can get is the boring german breakfast, like bread with ham or cheese or ham and cheese, some gay fruits and maybe some salmon…if you’re willing to pay extra for that.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I whole-heartedly agree with RickD! McGriddles are horrible, especially when you take a bite in mid-drive and can’t just spew it all back out AND have nothing to drink it down. My wife nearly puked. :}
The chicken McMuffin was ok, though.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
“Take the the Danish kind”
Those are called shortbread cookies.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Thank you Manuel.
So, according to wikipedia the North American biscuit has the English scone as a close cousin.
Now I actually think I understand what John is going on about. Those I would try at McDonald’s! John, have you baked some yourself? From time to time, we are having home made scones with butter and strawberry jam. Mmmmhh.
Danke
Herr B.
November 18th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Wasn’t it that biscuits (BE) are cookies (AE), while biscuits (AE) are much closer to British scones?
At least that’s what I read when I did some research on scones…
PS: After all even able to find some clotted cream in Hamburg. Woohoo!
November 19th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Michel,
I noticed that you wrote this on the thread for the previous entry:
You got bicycles in the US of A? I always thought Americans think that riding a bicycle is caused by some kind of genetic defect only Europeans and preschoolers suffer from. And that it becomes obscene and uncool as soon as you hit puberty, unless you are carrying an alien in your bicylce’s basket.
Now this is nicely penned sarcasm. I’m sure the Americans, British, and Australians stopping by here chuckled. I loved it. There are some Germans who have learned to use irony and sarcasm directed at other groups. But one thing I’ve noticed is that Germans lack the light-touch self-deprecating humor you find in the Anglosphere.
And then above you wrote:
Seriously, my fellow country(wo)men (or are there more Americans without a sense of humour here than Germans?): Just try to switch into irony mode. Considering your comments, you take this blog too seriously.
Irony is not easy for Germans, as you must know all too well. And that’s why I love reading this blog. Nothing is funnier than to watch Germans respond to the blog entries here with their sober pronouncements of where and how the the piece is not entirely accurate. The tone-deaf responses are priceless and killer funny. So, please, Germans, DON’T LISTEN to Michel. Keep responding seriously.
*
November 19th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Dent, what the h*** are you eating for breakfast. Ham, cheese etc. are not for breakfast. A good continental breakfast (that includes our german breakfast) consists of bread rolls (or toast or white bread) with butter and marmalade, jam, jelly, honey or chocolate cream (Nutella) and of course a cup of coffee or hot chocolate or tea or more.
The marmalade has not to be strawberry marmalade, there are other kinds which are also very good: apple, citron, cherry, currant (red or black) and many more.
November 19th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I had a Country McGriddle with maple syrup filled biscuits today at a German McDonald’s and it was great. What did I do wrong?
November 19th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
@ jeffrey
Germans do have a sense of humour, although we were noticed as stiff all the time. I think there are at least 2 major characteristics which do not correspond with a more unconstrained humour: Our tendency to discuss and rethink things to death, and our martial history. No way to make jokes e.g. about Hitler, short time ago people were nearly stoned trying to get over it. And we always ask ourselves why Brits always make Nazi jokes, considering what was done to them during WW2. This leads probably to the 3d reason: We do not have such a long tradition of black and absurd humour as Anglos have.
For my sense of humour, I take it as an advantage that I grew up in Eastern Germany. While people in the Western part were enjoying the prude and dusty years of the Wirtschaftswunder, East Germans had to develop a different sense of humour, dealing with the pretentious, bogus socialistic economy of scarcity. Poverty and distress, combined with some kind of powerlessness, are pretty good fertilizers to subtle sarcasm and irony. /schoolmaster mode off/
November 19th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Michel,
Having lived in Germany, I know that there are some Germans with a sense of humor — I’ve had a few German friends who could make me laugh. But I would say that those Germans who connect with British and American humor are relatively few in number. The comments page on this website is a wonderful demonstration of how many Germans simply don’t understand Anglosphere humor.
For my sense of humour, I take it as an advantage that I grew up in Eastern Germany. While people in the Western part were enjoying the prude and dusty years of the Wirtschaftswunder, East Germans had to develop a different sense of humour, dealing with the pretentious, bogus socialistic economy of scarcity. Poverty and distress, combined with some kind of powerlessness, are pretty good fertilizers to subtle sarcasm and irony.
Yes, this makes sense to me. Powerlessness is one way, of many, to arrive at sarcasm.
Humor in American (and British) culture has a central role. In America, we use it to release a lot of friction among a melting-pot society. We are a country of immigrants, each group bringing along its own values and customs, and humor allows us to keep light what could get very dangerous. In Germany, in contrast, humor does not play the same vital role of releasing tensions that it does for us in America.
And Germans rarely understand self-deprecating humor. Germans will criticize EVERYONE, including themselves, but making fun of themselves with the light touch that the British and the Americans do is a rarity in German culture. Check out the recent video footage of McCain and Obama before the election making fun of themselves. I doubt that you would find two German politicians who would be willing to do the same.
But I’m NOT saying that one way is better than the other. Self-deprecating humor works for Americans; it does not for Germans, who find making fun of themselves and having other people laugh at them embarrassing and unpleasant. Germans do not have the same level of sophistication of humor as the British and the Americans because they don’t need it, just as Americans do not have the same need for 200 different brands of beer. Germans have a fine taste for beer; British and Americans have a fine taste for humor. Each predilection has a functional and historical dimension.
*
November 19th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
How funny! Germans and Americans debate here about how things should taste. That’s like blind people and daltonians discussing colours…
November 19th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Seriously if u dont like micky D´s don not go there.
Jorgo writes: “Biscuits, as well as white bread (Toast for Deutschlings) are evil inventions of countries with an overproduction of wheat. Firstly, they are one of the major causes of obesity and secondly, Germany, Belgium and Holland and some other surrounding countries have some of the finest bread in the world.”
Jorge….. serious dude Explain all the fat germans???..trust me ive seen em . Just the other day I was watching stern tv reportage and Jorge sorry to break it to u they do exist!
As a American living in Germany since 2001 ..It is REALLY hard to find any real American food. Germans do not understand or can imagine what real American food taste like . Yeah sure the seems stupid but i was recentley back in NYC lost Xmas and all I heard from my wife and our friend was ..OH ich vermisse Schwartzebrot……and there u have it !I told them thats the way I feel about American food. Dont get me wrong German food is good but they dont have the good stuff
but I agree with Muttley
Germans and Americans debate here about how things should taste. That’s like blind people and daltonians discussing colours…
Last but not least I thank you for writing this blog I find it amusing and true . Even Funnier is my German friend recommened your site ..keep up the good work let me know if u run out of topics i got plenty.
McGriddles rule
November 19th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
“But I would say that those Germans who connect with British and American humor are relatively few in number. The comments page on this website is a wonderful demonstration of how many Germans simply don’t understand Anglosphere humor.”
This (or some variation thereof, e.g. “Germans and Ango-Saxons just have different types of humour”) is often given as an explanation where the “Humourless German” stereotype stems from.
But that brings up the question why American (Friends, King of Queens, Simpsons, Nanny, Cosby Show, I Dream of Jeannie ect.) and Britisch (Monty Python, Mr. Bean) comedy shows are also succesful in German TV. Is just the younger generation like mine (born ‘83) who find them funny because we are already accustomed to entertainment from beyond the pond or the channel? Or is the more pessimistic answer true (And we Germans are good at pessimism!), that we just mindlessly swallow everything the Anglo-Saxon entertainment industrie offers, regardless of quality? Yet another possible answer would be that the Anglo-Saxon shows popular in Germany are just the tip of the iceberg (I am aware we Germans know just a percentage of the total quantity of shows ever produced in US and UK), which just happens to overlap with the German sense of humour. But a more profane explanation for the “tip of the iceberg” is that many foreign shows of course simply never aired in Germany - and how can you laugh at a joke no one has told you? But nevertheless do I find the last possibility the most interesting. I am curious if there are Anglo-Saxon comedy shows which would never work in Germany? Or were even broadcasted here but soon got cancelled because of lack of audience rating, despite being very popular in their home country?
“No way to make jokes e.g. about Hitler, short time ago people were nearly stoned trying to get over it. And we always ask ourselves why Brits always make Nazi jokes, considering what was done to them during WW2.”
The most apparent and easily to comprehend difference between German and Anglo-Saxon humour! But this last bastion is slowly crumbling since recently, the most well known examples being Walter Moers’ “Bonker” and Christoph Maria Herbst as Hatler. (Of course this kind of jokes are still controversial.)
I sometimes have the feeling that Anglo-Saxons don’t quite get why we are so touchy on this issue. For comparsion: What would you as American feel if I would not stop telling lame jokes that imply that all white Americans are still slave owners who regularly whip the Afro-Americans? (if you are British, substitute the Afro-Americans for, let’s say, (Oriental) Indians) I you are actually offended right now, Q.E.D.! That was my point! Sorry and “nothing for ungood”!
November 20th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I go to McDonald’s only if I need a rest room or am completely drunk. In either case I haven’t missed biscuits yet.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
[i]What would you as American feel if I would not stop telling lame jokes that imply that all white Americans are still slave owners who regularly whip the Afro-Americans?[/i]
Very well said. (On a side note, I’m quite amazed by the fact that the word “Nazi” has found it’s way into so many English expressions (”grammar nazi”, “spelling nazi”, …)!)
To follow the German tradition of discussing an issue until it is totally dissected, I’d like to add the following:
While I’m a great fan of some of the US-imported sitcoms like “Home Improvement” or “King of Queens”, I personally think that we have enough stuff on TV that sucks where we licensensed the concept from US or UK shows (”Pop Idol”, “…’s got talent”, “Who wants to be a millionaire”, etc.). I’d like to see our TV channels come up with something unique by themselves again…
Also, I agree with you on the “tip of the iceberg”-thing. While I don’t know about most of the other shows either, I’m sure that they just won’t fit German humour. Does anybody know a comedy show from the UK apart from Monty Python’s Flying Circus? Well? See? That’s because most of the stuff would not be considered funny in Germany (actually, most people would say that MPFC is also not funny, but strange). Also, 99% of the funny stuff does not translate well into either language, so you lose a lot.
As to how the discussion started, remember the one rule that applies to Germany: What’s written is true. As long as it’s written, you can trust it. That’s why we trust the Bild-Zeitung (which never ever lies!), that’s why we trust this blog to state facts and that’s why we feel offended by an American making fun of our good, healthy, German Frühstück! We wouldn’t recognize sarcasm or irony unless you enclosed the entire post in -tags.
However, it’s not our fault. It’s genetic. Evolution has left us missing the Sarcasm-Detector that seems to be “built into” all other people in the world…
November 20th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Well, great! The blog software crippled my reply.
1) The first paragraph was to be in italics, as it is a quote
2) it was supposed to say that we wouldn’t recognize sarcasm/irony unless you enclosed the entire post in [SARCASM]-tags…
Thanks, wordpress (or whatever you are…)
November 20th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I think the reason why Germans like TV shows like Mr Bean or King of Queens is because we have got the same desire to laugh as anybody else, but there are only a few people able to create a good punchline. There is a certain lack of quality in German comedy shows as well.
On the other hand, you don’t have to be a cook by yourself to enjoy a good meal somebody else prepared.
But it is also a generation thing. While the younger Germans get used to things like stand-up comedy, sitcoms etc. and admire them easily, the older ones still cling to the quite simple joke-telling, “slipping on the banana skin” kind of humour and despise the new varieties most of the time.
And yes. I have to admit that in Germany there is also a lack of understanding of self-deprecating humour. When I moved to Munich in 1999 I was treated like a raw egg by my new colleagues when I told them I came from East Germany. It was as if I had told them that I had cancer, everybody was sheepishly reacting like “Oh, I once met another nice guy from East Germany”, out of sheer uncertainty. So I started to make fun of my background like “You know, back then in the GDR, as a preschooler, I had to issue a daily 20-page report to my personal Stasi officer about my classmates” or “In GDR, we were forced to eat Borschtsch once a week to worship our Russian friends”. I was just trying to make them more comfortable, to get over the strange tension between us. Most of the people were startled first, it took them some time to comprehend that I was just making fun of the whole thing. Thereafter, they got the idea of the joke, but they weren’t able to adopt it to use it for themselves.
But back to the real topic: Nel24, what do you mean by “real american food” and real american taste? IMHO, Americans just took different dishes immigrants brought from their home countries and drowned it either with ketchup or maple syrup, calling it “american” afterwards. The only original american dish I can imagine would be something like dried buffalo with popcorn.
But I must admit, Americans are good in inventing useful things. Here is a task for your food engineers, combining the 3 basics of German food: sausage-beer with potato-flavour. This could be something to conquer the German market… even when it sounds awful to me, the longer I think about it…
November 20th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
>> It’s genetic. Evolution has left us missing the Sarcasm-Detector that seems to be “built into” all other people in the world…
Instantly reminded me of an episode of Simpsons, namely “They Saved Lisa’s Brain” and the scene about a newly invented machine, the sarcasm detector:
“Oh, a sarcasm detector, that’s a real useful invention.” (machine explodes)
But yes, this blog proves that there are indeed lots of Germans who take things seriously that are not meant to be taken seriously… even if others try to point it out to them.
However, I think I walked right into that trap once or twice, as well. 
November 20th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Instantly reminded me of an episode of Simpsons, namely “They Saved Lisa’s Brain” and the scene about a newly invented machine, the sarcasm detector:
I’m pretty sure it’s a refernce to that episode. However, I read this term on another forum and found it pretty adequate.
However, I think I walked right into that trap once or twice, as well.
As I said, it’s genetic - blame your parents!
November 20th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Michel,
Great comments.
I think the reason why Germans like TV shows like Mr Bean or King of Queens is because we have got the same desire to laugh as anybody else, but there are only a few people able to create a good punchline. There is a certain lack of quality in German comedy shows as well.
On the other hand, you don’t have to be a cook by yourself to enjoy a good meal somebody else prepared.
Absolutely. While Germans like to laugh like everyone else, Americans and the British VALUE humor and comedy more and it shows in our television programs and movies that are popular around the world. Beer? Talk to the Germans. Humor and comedy? Talk to the Brits and the Americans. It’s really that simple.
And yes. I have to admit that in Germany there is also a lack of understanding of self-deprecating humour.
Your examples of trying to reduce the tension at work in Munich by using self-deprecating humor about your East German upbringing are perfect. That is exactly how Americans use that type of humor. And yes, when living in Germany, I had the same experience as you. Germans wouldn’t know how to react to self-deprecation or irony. They seemed to be stuck on the literal level of interpretation, as you’ll find again and again on the comments pages for this website (which is one of the reasons I enjoy it so much).
Bird of Prey,
Excellent question about what is brought into one culture from another and why. Between Germany and the US the issue of translation slows down the exchanges. In literature, for example, books have to be translated and Germans, for example, have a wide range of quality literature to choose from for translation. What will sell to Germans? When I’m in Germany, I always spend time in bookstores checking out what’s been translated and what hasn’t.
This works both ways, of course. Sometimes a very good book just will not be of interest to another culture because it’s too local. For example, none of the books by Wolfgang Buescher have been translated into English, but if one is interested in Germany, his “Deutschland: Eine Reise” is an excellent read, along with “Berlin - Moskau: Eine Reise zu Fuss.” American publishers evidently don’t think enough people would buy these books; German publishers must make the same calculations.
*
November 20th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Michel,
The only original american dish I can imagine would be something like dried buffalo with popcorn.
Heh heh. This Thanksgiving were having cured — not simply dried, my dear — buffalo meat slathered with BBQ sauce, a side dish of maize-balls mit Pfeffer, another of pommes der Freiheit, and for desert a plate of Oreo cookies (in honor of our president-elect).
*
November 20th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
>> and for desert a plate of Oreo cookies (in honor of our president-elect)
Now I’m wondering how many will get this one. Hehe.
November 20th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Wonder why the Germans who comment here in an attempt to explain their position on everything never explain why they feel they have to explain their position on everything. Can a German answer that one for me?
November 20th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
@Jeffrey — New York: “Oreo” Hehe, nice one!!
November 20th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
@Balu
Does anybody know a comedy show from the UK apart from Monty Python’s Flying Circus? Well? See? That’s because most of the stuff would not be considered funny in Germany (actually, most people would say that MPFC is also not funny, but strange). Also, 99% of the funny stuff does not translate well into either language, so you lose a lot.
?? “Coupling”, e.g., has been aired on Pro7, I think. “The Office” has been very successfully adapted to “Stromberg”. Fawlty Towers, Mr. Bean, Blackadder, and Yes Minister have all been aired in Germany too (Blackadder even in OmU on Arte once), and I know many people besides myself who know and cherish British comedy shows like The Vicar of Dibley, One Foot in the Grave, IT crowd, Father Ted, …
British humour works well for me at least.
November 20th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Wonder why the Germans who comment here in an attempt to explain their position on everything never explain why they feel they have to explain their position on everything. Can a German answer that one for me?
Let me try to explain this for you: We explain everything so that even Americans can understand, with respect to the fact that the average American is a bit slower in thinking than we are. Everybody knows that over here. I even try to slow down my typing for you, writing this entry.
If you don’t believe it, look at the latest elections. Twice the one-eyed was elected to lead the blind, and it took you 8 to change direction. So came that last time, you did the only right thing to do to elect somebody from overseas. Nobody can claim that you were not able to learn from history…
It also explains why so many Germans deadbeats emigrate to the US: To increase the average IQ in both countries.
(Ok,ok, I stole that one from New Zealand.)
November 20th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Jeffrey,
You were right. I did not get the Oreo one. Thanks wikipedia, they had an explanation for poor foreigners like me, unfamiliar with all the small ambiguities and nuances…
November 20th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
@Michel: Ohhhhh. So you explain things because you’re arrogant….
November 21st, 2008 at 4:00 am
Michel,
Let me try to explain this for you: We explain everything so that even Americans can understand, with respect to the fact that the average American is a bit slower in thinking than we are. Everybody knows that over here. I even try to slow down my typing for you, writing this entry.
Okay, I laughed OUT LOUD when I read this opening paragraph. Good one! Ossis 1, Wessis 0, right?
Hm, yes, I love it when Germans try to explain to us how we successfully landed on the moon. After finishing a long-winded, tedious explanation, Germans then scratch their heads and wonder, “How in hell did the f*cking Amis do that?! It was clearly genius, so how come WE didn’t do that? How did those fat, lazy, stupid bastards do that? And how the f*ck are they leading the world in science and technology?! How can this be? I mean, it’s OBVIOUS that Germans are the most intelligent people in the world, right?”
Anony,
So you explain things because you’re arrogant….</i.
Germans feel compelled to explain everything because they are outfitted at birth with a little SCHOOLMARM at birth. She is the one who dictates to them throughout life and oversees the SEHR ERNST KAFFEE UND KUCHEN complaint-and-explanation periods.
There’s no question that Germans are often arrogant assholes. Nothing produces an arrogant asshole like the Gymnasium-Uni system in Germany; Germans learn to recognize who their group is at an early age. The Untermenschen Deutschen have to do apprenticeships while the Gymnasium-Uni students speed down the Autobahn and look down on them toiling along in their inferior autos. It’s pretty awful to witness, actually.
Germans as a whole, it should also be noted, are often so arrogant when traveling in Europe that other Europeans have labeled them the Americans of Europe! Ouch! Loud, boorish, besaufen louts.
*
November 21st, 2008 at 4:01 am
Forgot an angled bracket. Let me try that again:
Anony,
So you explain things because you’re arrogant…..
Germans feel compelled to explain everything because they are outfitted at birth with a little SCHOOLMARM at birth. She is the one who dictates to them throughout life and oversees the SEHR ERNST KAFFEE UND KUCHEN complaint-and-explanation periods.
There’s no question that Germans are often arrogant assholes. Nothing produces an arrogant asshole like the Gymnasium-Uni system in Germany; Germans learn to recognize who their group is at an early age. The Untermenschen Deutschen have to do apprenticeships while the Gymnasium-Uni students speed down the Autobahn and look down on them toiling along in their inferior autos. It’s pretty awful to witness, actually.
Germans as a whole, it should also be noted, are often so arrogant when traveling in Europe that other Europeans have labeled them the Americans of Europe! Ouch! Loud, boorish, besaufen louts.
*
November 21st, 2008 at 7:53 am
“Coupling”, e.g., has been aired on Pro7, I think.
OK, I don’t know that one. What’s the German title?
“The Office” has been very successfully adapted to “Stromberg”.
See? It has been adapted. So the idea “oh, let’s make a show about an office led by an incompetent, yet narcistic boss” has been taken and modeled into something that is more German.
Fawlty Towers, Mr. Bean, Blackadder, and Yes Minister have all been aired in Germany too (Blackadder even in OmU on Arte once)
Really, you’re right about that one.
“DON’T TALK ABOUT THE WAR!” OMG, how could I forget about Mr. Bean??
While these shows may have aired in Germany, I wonder how many people really watched them (apart from Mr. Bean) and really considered them funny (apart from Mr. Bean). Also, I don’t think that Mr. Bean reflects what a German would consider “British Humour”. It’s more like the good old Chaplin slapstick thing.
I’d say that the average German watches only ARD, ZDF, RTL, SAT1, VOX or PRO7 and would not even turn on a show if they knew it was in English with subtitles!
I would think that people who watch Arte or 3sat are generally more open minded and thus more open to different kinds of humour.
Anony
So you explain things because you’re arrogant…
Maybe - but at least we are able to explain things!
November 21st, 2008 at 8:55 am
And how the f*ck are they leading the world in science and technology?! How can this be? I mean, it’s OBVIOUS that Germans are the most intelligent people in the world, right?”
Well, in fact, Germans are quite intelligent (FYI: I’m not German!) and they could be leading the world in science and technology. But they have the bad habit of wanting to reach perfection one the first try and impress everybody.
When Germans invent things, it has to be huge/colossal, complicated and absolutely perfect. If it’s not perfect right from the beginning, they dump it. And as they always focus on the negative aspects of a new technology instead of seeing the chances respectively advantages this technology will bring, they never finish off an idea because for them, it’s not perfect enough.
They don’t like “quick-and-dirty” solutions and don’t manage it to keep things simple. Because simple things are not perfect and impressive enough for them. So they keep wasting time trying to reach absolute perfection while others bring out simple solutions which may be perfectible, but work well enough for most people. In other words: The problem with the Germans is not their cleverness, but their self-ambition, their megalomania and their stupid habit to always focus on the negative aspects of everything.
November 21st, 2008 at 9:24 am
Ihr Lieben,
Is this getting out of hand a bit?
Remember: he who sits in a stone should not throw with glass houses. Or was it the other way round?
All of you — every single one — for Buddha’s sake, loosen up a bit! No matter where you’re from. Lean back, smile! Have an Oreo, have a biscuit or a scone! Have a Hefeweizen. Or a glass of red? A gingerbeer’s good too.
A nice weekend and don’t forget: you are not as bad as the others might seem to be saying. And they’re not either.
Thank you,
Herr B.
November 21st, 2008 at 9:34 am
Dear Jeff,
Great comment. But I regret having to correct you (correcting others is another thing that we do best): Due to unsavory experiences in the past, we do not call them “Untermenschen” anymore. It is “Prekariat” now. Or, if that suits you more, “POTUS material”.
And I am sorry, but I have to admit that we lost the title, we are no longer No.1 at being the most unwelcome tourists in Europe. The Brits are much louder than us, and the Russians are better in besaufen. So let’s say, we are not the Americans of Europe anymore, but the Canadians.
By the way: Where did you pick up these strange German phrases? Some old Schwarzenegger movie?
Hm, yes, I love it when Germans try to explain to us how we successfully landed on the moon. After finishing a long-winded, tedious explanation, Germans then scratch their heads and wonder, “How in hell did the f*cking Amis do that?!
Simple: WE did it. It was all a long-term German conspiracy.
Proof: Wernher von Braun - a German. Neil Armstrong - one of his grand-grand fathers was a German. Stanley Kubrick, who shot the whole fake: An Austrian, which is almost as good as a German. But we do not prance about it, we learned to be silent bon vivants now, letting Americans think that they did it all by themselves.
See: 70 years ago, WE were the ones following a leader who claimed that we are greatest nation in the world. 70 years ago, WE were the ones invading others to impose our superior way of life on them.
Seems that not even your common foreign policy was a genuinely American original. Maybe we can even sue you for not paying your license charges.
Nothing produces an arrogant asshole like the Gymnasium-Uni system in Germany
Yeah, right. But you must admit: We are smart assholes at any rate. Not like your spoiled Ivy League upstarts.
November 21st, 2008 at 9:43 am
It’s funny that Americans and West Europeans always consider the moon landing to be more important than the first man in space.
November 21st, 2008 at 9:49 am
I don’t.
Herr B.
November 21st, 2008 at 11:32 am
The firsts in space exploration are well known in Germany.
There are lots of people who know about Sputnik, Laika and Yuri Gagarin.
Coming back to the moon thing:
I’ll act completely German now in telling you that at least one famous guy who made the whole project possible was German… Wernher von Braun, who brought his knowledge of the German rocket program (development of the V2) with him to the US. (Why is it always war that leads to such things? Damn.)
Even today, one of NASA’s more important people originated from von Braun’s Apollo team, Jesko von Puttkamer (had nothing to do with V2, he was born 1933). Always the guy to interview for German TV when it’s about NASA projects. :p
Today he’s working on the new Moon/Mars program.
PS: Landing on a distant object in space is something different from orbiting our own planet in low orbit, which is merely just a little bit more than flying in the atmosphere. That might be the reason why landing on the moon is always mentioned first.
November 21st, 2008 at 11:39 am
Correction: Jesco von Puttkamer is written “Jesco”, not “Jesko” as I wrote above.
November 21st, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I for one am glad, Stefan, to see your important correction of Jesco vs. Jesko. And I say this particularly in the context of the severe situation we are facing in this country, that — as John had most rightly pointed out in his original article — no hash browns are to be had in McDonalds.
Ein froehliches Wochenende wuenscht
Herr B.
November 21st, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Perhaps I should write an essay on Jesco vs. Jesko and how it completely changes the meaning of the word… Come on, a late 18th / early 19th century governor of Cameroon (then named Kamerun, to be 100% correct as always) in the Apollo program? I’m risking my credibility!
And as I rarely (once in 5 years?) eat at McDonald’s, I rather think making Kartoffelpuffer should be tought at primary schools, instead.
That’s something that should be brought to the next UN general assembly. It’s repugnant to human rights that I haven’t been tought to make good Kartoffelpuffer at all during 13 years of attending public schools.
It’s an unbearable situation.
November 21st, 2008 at 4:17 pm
i don´t know why german mc donalds does not offer biscuits like in the US. In fact many german bars and restaurant do have them. Over here we call them “Bierdeckel”
November 21st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
@Balu: Coupling was called “Coupling: Wer mit Wem?” in Germany. Very funny show, I bought the DVDs to be able to watch the OV too. And they changed actually next to nothing in the concept of “The Office” when making Stromberg, even the characters are pretty much the same. Only it’s not a paper business, but an insurance company. And I don’t know why you think that people don’t find all these British shows funny. I hardly know anybody who doesn’t, I know much more people who go to great lengths to get copies of British shows that aren’t aired in Germany.
I’d say that the average German watches only ARD, ZDF, RTL, SAT1, VOX or PRO7 and would not even turn on a show if they knew it was in English with subtitles!
These shows have all been aired by one of these stations with German dubbing (Blackadder admittedly was aired on RTLII with German dubbing, although I didn’t watch this re-run since I had seen it already on Arte and have bought a DVD box set with all seasons and specials).
November 21st, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Blackadder first aired in Germany in December 1993 on 3Sat.
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:04 pm
@Michel: NOW I understand: you’re both arrogant and proud. Fits in well with the other cliches you’re spouting.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:36 pm
NOW I understand: you’re both arrogant and proud.
Absolutely correct.
Who’s gonna state that we do not have much in common?
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Touche!
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Wow, what a thread. I don’t know where to start.
@Barbarossa:
I like pancakes, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, donuts or muffins for breakfast, I don’t care, but on’t tell me what to have for breakfast, don’t be a breakfast Nazi.
Btw, someone mentioned all the different Nazi-types americans like to use, but forget to mention the most famous of all: the soup-nazi,
Which brings me to american comedy, first of all the “american” humor you find in the belovee sitcomes is, as a matter of fact, jewish humor, which would be german humor if we didn’t kill or threw out most of them back than.
I’m pretty sure not all americans appreciate sarcasm or the sometimes twisted, art of british humor…. well, actually I know they don’t (maybe they don’t get it because of their inferior intellect). omg, do i sound german or what.
The thing about german humor is….wellits difficult to be german and funny mainly for three reasosn, first of all you have to be funny while speaking german, which is not that easy, second of all, the german language has a word for everything, while in the english language different things often share the same word, so wordplays aren’t that easy.
third of all germans like to be morally and intellectualy superior, even if they aren’t, that deflects on their humor and makes it hard to goof around.
I think germans in private are much funnier than in public.
“I’d like to see our TV channels come up with something unique by themselves again…”
yeah right, won’t happen unless you’re talkin about a unique pile of crap…or documentaries, they are really good in making documentaries because they love teaching stuff to people
The explaining thing germans do is, like most of our issues, because of our history and because we’re a nation of smartasses, on th eplus side, this makes us such great inventors, because we’re always know and want to do better than the rest. That - and the fact that when germans invent things, it has to be huge/colossal, complicated and absolutely perfect - is why we have Mercedes, BMW and Volkswagen and the US has GM, Chrysler and Ford.
“When I moved to Munich in 1999 I was treated like a raw egg by my new colleagues when I told them I came from East Germany. It was as if I had told them that I had cancer, everybody was sheepishly reacting like “Oh, I once met another nice guy from East Germany”,”
Thats funny, because we treat our bavarian co-workers exactly the same way.
“In other words: The problem with the Germans is not their cleverness, but their self-ambition, their megalomania and their stupid habit to always focus on the negative aspects of everything.”
I don’t like this comment, I think it’s bad and adds no value to this discussion, you could have done much better.
“Germans as a whole, it should also be noted, are often so arrogant when traveling in Europe that other Europeans have labeled them the Americans of Europe! Ouch! Loud, boorish, besaufen louts.”
you know whats the difference? while a german,hearing that, would think about it for a while and maybe feel sorry for it, an american would just shout: USA! USA!
“But I must admit, Americans are good in inventing useful things.”
I agree, but its a question of priorities. Germans invented the car, japanes invented the hybrid, americans invented a way to put 30 cupholders into a mini-van.
“That’s why we trust the Bild-Zeitung (which never ever lies!), that’s why we trust this blog to state facts and that’s why we feel offended by an American making fun of our good, healthy, German Frühstück!”
Exactly, who do you reffering to with the term “we”? and I’m a german and I make fun of our breakfast, which is only healthy if you want it to be healthy (croissants, cornflakes, toast, jam, nutella, ultra-large-double shot-latte with vanilly-syrup,cream and sugar….not that healthy)
““But I would say that those Germans who connect with British and American humor are relatively few in number”
I strongly disagree. Germans recognize quality and english humor has a high quality in sense of funniness….btw other unmentioned british shows:
“Little Britain” and “Doctor Who” which is my favority UK-telly-show ever, not a comedy-show by defintion, but its innovative, funny as hell and deeply british.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Sorry for the bad writing, I submitted too early (happens to people of a certain age)
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Fun fact No. 1: In the old tv series, as all probably know, it is very very rare that Mr. Bean says a word, but WHEN he does (I recall the sketch with him sitting on a park bank and preparing his meal, where he remarks something about his credit card which uses as a butter knife), it is subtitled instead of dubbed, which is very unusual for German tv! (My guess is that it would have been too expensive to hire a Synchronsprecher + recording studio just for that one sentence…)
Fun fact No.2: “The Office”/”Stromberg” is not the first British series that has been succesfully adapted for the German market. A MUCH earlier example is - “Ein Herz und eine Seele”! Yeah, you read that right! It is actually based on a British series named “Till Death Us Do Part”!! Having never seen the British series I sometimes wonder how far the changes for the localisation went. Alfred often comments on contemporary German politics, and some plots, like the carnevale episode or the one where Michael’s parents from the Ostzo- ähm, GDR come for a visit, wouldn’t be possible, at least not in that form, in the UK.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:14 am
Dent,
Which brings me to american comedy, first of all the “american” humor you find in the belovee sitcomes is, as a matter of fact, jewish humor, which would be german humor if we didn’t kill or threw out most of them back than.
Now THAT is black humor. Hey, too bad we gassed and shot and tortured to death all of OUR JEWS! We could have had real killer German comedy shows today if we hadn’t murdered all those Jews! Schade!
*
November 24th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I basically stole this joke from “The West Wing”, but it’s not only the writers, its also producers, actors, musicians, scientists, novelists and a hell of a lot other bright people who could have done good for this country, we tried hard but I think we never recovered from this brain drain.
November 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
We have the Maple Syrup Pancakes here in the UK and also Hash Browns (Pancakes are yukky, Hasbrowns are lovely), but if there is “One World, One Taste” my big question is: When will the McRib finally be available in the UK ?????? And why on earth has McD UK switched from having their BBQ Sauce produced by Devely Germany to McCormick UK ???? The Develey Sauce was yummy and just the right kind of tangyness and a touch of sweetness - the UK Sause is tasteless with artificial smoke and way too sweet.
December 6th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
FINALLY THEY ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!
December 14th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Cities over here are now full of ads for the new breakfast! Let’s see how that works out. Should be interesting to see how all those in fact not so brand new products will be accepted… I for one can’t wait to hold a McGriddle in my hands!
January 8th, 2009 at 11:41 am
biscuits? what the f…?! don’t know anyone who likes this food from hell…
January 27th, 2009 at 12:13 am
What, no hash-browns?!?!
Next thing you’re gonna tell me you can’t get coffee at McD.. Oh.
March 28th, 2009 at 11:05 am
First off, I’m german and this site is great for both nations. A lot things here stay the same out of sheer habit. We even have a proverb “Was der Bauer nicht kennt, isst er nicht” which translates to “what the peasant doesn’t know, he won’t eat”, which in turn fully applies to this post.
As posted here befor, we now have the McGriddle over here. It’s like nothing we have over here, it’s like a little piece of food with every taste possible, from sweet to salty! it’s amazing and altough I don’t eat breakfast at McDonald’s very often, I’d have a McGriddle every time. It’s true, what’s the use of having a McDonalds, if all you can get there are ‘germanized’ products? Why call a quarter pounder with cheese a McRoyal? I wouldn’t be surprised if they would start to serve something like McWeißwurst…
December 28th, 2009 at 3:22 am
Heya!
First up, I’ve had breakfast at McD’s both in the US of A and Germany and I can say that you are absolutely right: what the hell were they thinking when they started compiling that piece of plastic they call breakfast here in the sauerkraut country?
No maple sirup, no buns, no bagels, no donuts (most of the time)… I always feel like I could as well go on a diet before thinking of eating there for breakfast again.
Furthermore, why the hell does a burger-shop like McD’s refuse to sell me a Big Mac or anything else from the regular menu before 10:30? Are they nuts? I digged the times when (after a good night out) I could shove a burger and a coke into my little thummy at 7 in the morning. Now, I would starve if I’ld wait for them.
Bah, and now it’s “monopoly” time over here in Germany and woaw, I won an “instant gift” - a Jochen Schweizer Handytasche (which translates to “a bag for your mobile phone from Jochen Schweizer) - and guess what: they are not able to hand it out… for weeks!!! (Please feel invited to check out my German blog in the “Qualitätssicherung” category if you want the full story.)
Anyway… I’ve got something I promised myself for 2010: I will not buy anything from McDonalds in Germany, I won’t eat anything from McDonalds in Germany but I will get on their nerves all year long.
Bah, it’s time for another trip to the States - at least they know what a burger should look like and when to serve it! And for breakfast, I can dive into an all-pancakes-you-can-eat breakfast with ample of maple sirup!!!
Until then, I think I’ll visit my kitchen where I create my own superb burgers. And the ketchup is free too!
December 28th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Maple sirup … that makes me wanna puke!
December 28th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Genau, supersize yourself in your own kitchen.