Germans are bad listeners
Germans are great people in general, but their main problem is that they are bad listeners. Their awe-inspiring intrinsic motivation is counteracted only by their lack of ability to listen to what you have to say. Germans don’t just know everything, they know everything better.
This aspect may show itself in a situation where you kindly mention to a German presenter privately after the meeting that in America, we call Umsatz revenue, and not turnover, because turnover in business terms means Fluktuation to us. Despite your decades of experience using your own language, the German will matter of factly tell you that you are wrong.
The most obvious place this defect shows up though, is in the incorrect sounds Germans make to imitate animals. Here is a sample list:
| German Imitation | Actual Sound |
|---|---|
| kee ker ee kee | cocka doodle doo |
| kwock | ribbit |
| vow vow | woof woof |
| vihihihi | neh |
Its kind of a shame to think that 80 million people haven’t taken the time just to listen to the noises animals make, and instead tell them how they should sound.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:22 am
ja so ist er der gemeine krawallseppel. sollte ich es bis hierhin verabsäumt haben die nimmermüden anstrengungen unserer transatlantischen vorbilder uns den rechten, den einzigen, den ihrigen weg zu weisen angemessen zu würdigen möchte ich es hiermit nachholen.
freunde, römer, mitglieder der abendländischen wertegemeinschaft wir haben soviel milde und nachsicht gar nie nicht verdient, ich gelobe besserung läuterung und den american way. amen.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Actually, cockadoodle-doo is much less onomatopoeic than kee ker ee kee, and the frogs over here really do go kwock-kwock. Maybe you need to get out of the city more.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:53 am
kwock is a good name for a penguin
June 9th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Thank you, Ian, for the illustrative example. That’s exactly the answer to expect from a know-it-all-better German.
BTW, I’m German, too, and just joking
June 9th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Yes, that’S quite interesting, American frogs go ribbit and German frogs go kwock (or quak), so animals also speak different languages in different countries.
You forgot about cats, while German cats go miau which is quite similar to American cats that go meow, Japanese cats have their own slang, as they go nya. ^^
June 9th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Maybe you’ve heard of different species of frogs? Well, they make some different sounds, yes
But what kind of animal makes either “vihihihi” or “neh”? I couldn’t figure this out.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:36 am
I have to agree totally with Ian. Haf also is right in my opinion whereas the “cat speech” seems to be the same in all three languages, only the spelling differs, of course.
Additionally I’ve heard dogs saying “woof woof” as well as I’ve heard dogs saying “vow vow”. First ones are big dogs with a deep voice and the others can be tiny ones with an extremely high voice but also dogs with a very deep voice as well.
The only thing I can’t get is the English/American horse (I guess, it’s the fourth item of your list, isn’t it?). Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to pronounce this “neh”. Maybe both i right — a horse of course can speak more than one word
June 9th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Haha, this is hilarious. I nearly started a fight with an American friend of mine over those animal sounds. I know I’m right, though.
This is the Austrian view provided for you in this comment.
June 9th, 2009 at 9:02 am
From a German perspective the english sounds are absolutely wrong. And as you said before, Germans always know better.
Like Haf, I think that animals also speak different languages. A German dog always goes vow vow. Wuff wuff sounds very artificial!
June 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Can someone provide .wav files to the readers, so that we actually can listen whether it sounds different?
June 9th, 2009 at 10:59 am
You forgot the alternative for dogs. Germans indeed have a “wuff” sound on their side. I’ve never in my life heard anything remotely like “doodle doo” in nature. And I have been forced to a “holiday on a farm” more often than I’d like.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I don’t agree at all. Maybe these animals do indeed “speak” different languages in the US and Germany after all. I mean, come on, “cocka doodle doo”? It’s like a phrase, maybe parrots could talk like that. But since I haven’t heard yet an American cock, what do I know? Maybe they do this sound indeed.
What’s the last one supposed to be? A neighing horse? Uh-oh, don’t get me started on this…
June 9th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
In summary, they can’t tell onomatopoeia from http://dict.leo.org/ende?lp=ende&p=wlqAU.&search=Klangmalerei
June 9th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
“cocka doodle doo”
LOL! YMMD!
This sound is only made by bavarian animals cause it involves jodling.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
to all the people who are taking this so seriously: meh!
ps. just asked my dog, she is bilingual, and she answered “meh” as well.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Funny thing, even wikipedia has something about the frog dilemma:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onomatopoeia#Uses_of_onomatopoeia
“to croak” seems to point to the right direction concerning “old world frogs”.
Ah, and something about that rooster problem and many others, they even put a list of “cross-linguistig onomatopoiea” together… some people simply have too much time
(so do I, as it seems):
Rooster: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-linguistic_onomatopoeias#Rooster_crowing
Dog: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-linguistic_onomatopoeias#Dog_barking
Frog: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-linguistic_onomatopoeias#Frog_croaking
Examples for many other sounds (animal or not) are included there, as well. Have fun.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
it IS a shame to think (judge?) 80 million people when you have only met a few.
As far as the imitation of natural sounds goes, neither the “German imitation” nor the “actual sound” is accurate and here I lost interest in writing any further.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
My kind of girl - say hi to your dog - blackforestgirl!
After all those comments above, can we expect a new post on the specifity of German humor and … serious pause …. earnest deliberation ….. my dog says ‘bof’ (French poodle) ……. could the following be true? ……. the lack therof?
June 9th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
On this site are a bunch of animals and how they are supposed to sound in different languages.
Unfortunately it contains only the wrong english
For example frogs do not seem to make “ribbit” et all…
June 9th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
“cocka doodle doo” it’s time for chicken
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1yUR-FRGDg&feature=channel_page
June 9th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
The animals sound the same, the difference is just the way people copy the sounds in different languages.
Here’s a list of animal sounds in different languages:
http://www.eleceng.adelaide.edu.au/Personal/dabbott/animal.html
June 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
You know, once this blog made me want to put in my own two eurocents, agree or totally refute every statement. But now it just makes me yawn.
June 9th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Wie können uns ja darauf einigen das er Wauwau heißt und wuff macht?!?
Oder es ist eine Frage der Erziehung! Der agressive, amerikanische Kläffer an sich, macht wuff, wuff und die freundliche, wohlerzogene, deutsche Fußhupe wau, wau.
Ich finde das sehr einleuchtend.
*g*
June 9th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Did you ever hear a small dog, for example a little cute terrier, barking? They really say “vow vow”, but there are also dog barking “woof woof”.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Maybe both i right — a horse of course can speak more than one word
well of course, has everyone forgotten about Mr. Ed? He was a very eloquent little horse.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Hi, care to share your decades of experience with the operators of dict.tu-chemnitz.de , dict.leo.org , http://www.dict.cc and the like - all of which are totally ignorant of the US way of using Umsatz, revenue and turnover? Might help those who read better than listen… jm2c, hand.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Bauer: “Möchtest Du einen Apfel?”
Englischsprachiges Pferd: “Nee…”
The “Sendung mit der Maus” once showed kids from all around the world making the rooster’s sound in their respective native languages. “Kikeriki!” and “Cockadoodledoo!” are just two of many, MANY variations…
June 9th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Now that my comment has been approved, I’d like to point to it once more, as wikipedia has a lot about it, too, including several lists:
http://nothingforungood.com/2009/06/09/germans-are-bad-listeners/#comment-13338
June 9th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Old McDonald had a farm…does someone remember?
June 10th, 2009 at 4:05 am
no?
June 10th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
By the way, in Europe including the UK, turnover can mean the same as revenue. So the Umsatz vs revenue problem seems to be more of an American thing.
(PS: Again, just look up the wikipedia article about “revenue”. ;))
June 11th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Stefan, he DID say “in America, we …”
June 11th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Argh, das ist ein langweiliger Artikel. Hoffentlich ist das Buch bald so weit und John hat wieder Zeit fuer richtige Artikel.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:49 am
@Fabian:
Still, the “kindly mentioning” is not restricted to German presenters, then.
June 12th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Did you know that actually animals DON’T sound alike everywhere on the globe? I think it’s some British scientist that researched this and found that animals have their own dialects (same kind of animal, of course).
So yes, a German “Hahn” sounds like “Kickeriki”, whereas the American rooster hast to be content with “cockadoodledo” (especially as Americans can’t pronounce “kickeriki”) *gg*
June 12th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
@ Benedicta: So, if I where a farmer immigrating to America with my complete livestock, would I have to teach my animals how to crow, grunt, bark ect. in English?
June 14th, 2009 at 11:58 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM6TyPfUyyg
nochmal für profis…
June 14th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Bird, I think it’s more a matter of dialects. Like Bavarians and Hamburger - they CAN understand each other if they want
but you will allways know who is who.
June 14th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Anyway, it’s so sad that the pun on the english frog-sound doesn’t work in German:
If you are knitting and have to undo your work, it is called “to frog” - because you “rip it” which is the sound a frog makes *gg*
June 15th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Did you make up the German imitations yourself? I have never heard those.
Overall, I am wondering how your blog has become so famous. What are some of the best posts you did?
June 15th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Obviously my cats are polyglot, they can say meeeeow and miau!!! Did anybody ever do research on fish? How interesting THAT might be…
June 15th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
“Did you make up the German imitations yourself? I have never heard those.”
It seems that John wrote the German imitations in a way that shows English-speakers how to pronounce them. (Similar to the way Kennedy practiced his famous quote with the transcription “Ish bin ein Bearleener!”)
June 16th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
@westernworld: moment a mal, american way of life in old schrotthaufen germania?
john macht auto bloging, dat nervt xD
June 16th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Bird - right, he had to! After all, if Germans can’t listen, Americans can’t write! Or read. Probably listen either. That’s why they had to come up with their wrong noises.
June 18th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
kwock ist written quack
June 19th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Which sound does a donkey really make? ‘ia’ is the well known german imitation.
June 23rd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Well, it’s not true that we don’t let others correct us….
but the animal noises aren’t all wrong… ok, the dog’s very bad, but you can’t do it good if not wanting to imitate it, if you search for a clear word to teach the children, wau wau is not that bad.
and the kikerikii is not totally wrong, i heard cocks like that
ok, however,
interesting blog
June 24th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
cocka doodle doo???
I think this is the sound US-Americans copied from Peter Pan and his lost boys…
Where as the mentioned sound for frogs seems to natural than the german one(i’m living close to small lake, believe me!)
Frank
June 24th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
“cockadoodle-doo” is wrong too, it must be spoken as:
ü-ü üh-ü!
Sorry that you haven’t the character “ü”
July 1st, 2009 at 9:12 am
@Steanhater: An American cock? Must admit I’ve never heard one of those either.
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:58 am
Ive always known that the germans are weird people. vihihihi ! Lol
@Barbarossa dont know about their imitation of donkey , but they use “ia” in their porn movies lol
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
I think you’re just jealous that Germans can do better the animal sounds…it’s not like the English, it’s like the Germans…they are always right
July 4th, 2009 at 4:33 am
Ahahaha….this article tickled my funny bone.
Kwok = ribbit?? lol, must be different species of frog =P
I can see where the Germans are coming from with “Vihihihihi,” but “kee ker ee kee” and “vow vow”? lol
July 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/turnover
While turnover can refer to revenue, it is generally unclear, as it has other meanings, and generally is used to mean something other than revenue.
July 12th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Rain and nothing but rain the whole day, so I was gonna go to bed, but before that I red about the American way to interpret animal noise. I think I was loughing for 15 minutes and I was`nt tired anymore. Cocka doodle -yankee doodle, best wishes.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Catherine the Great wouldn’t take “nay” for an answer!
Frau Blucher!
July 15th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I always thoght american frogs go like “Bud” - “Weis” - “Er”
July 19th, 2009 at 6:00 am
kee ker ee kee cocka doodle doo
Maybe kikeriki doesn’t sound like a real cock, but cookingdeedledoodlewhatever doesn’t too.
kwock ribbit
Depends on the variety of frog and it’s situation, which sound sounds more realistic.
vow vow woof woof
Depends on what a dog is going to tell you, which sound sounds more realistic.
vihihihi neh
Sorry, but i can’t even guess, which animal you mean.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Ok, if frogs go kwock,
and kwock is “quack”
then what sound do German ducks make?
Ribbit? I’m guessing?
July 27th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Alright, so the Catherine the Great thing wasn’t so humorous - horses/neh/nay/no. But, this is a REALLY funny joke! Hope everyone understands it.
So, a man and his dog walk into a bar. The man tells the bartender that the dog can talk. The bartender says, “If that dog can talk, I’ll buy you a beer”.
The man looks at the dog and asks, “What is on the outside of a tree?” The dog says, “Bark! Bark!”
Then the man asks, “What is over our heads?” The dog says, “Roof! Roof!”
The man asks, “Who is the best baseball player of all time?” The dog says, “Ruth! Ruth!” The bartender throws the man and the dog out onto the street.
The man looks at the dog and dog looks at the man, and the dog says, “DiMaggio?!?”
(I can’t hear anyone laughing…)
July 28th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Funny, we say exactly the same about Americans
August 8th, 2009 at 12:00 am
cocka doodle doo? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx20QScOLOM&NR=1
August 10th, 2009 at 4:18 am
“Germans don’t just know everything. They know everything better”.
Amen!!! From this German living in the US. One of the reasons I don’t usually hang out among German networking groups…
August 10th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Please, PLEASE send me an mp3 where a cock does that: “cocka doodle doo”. I’m really looking forward to receiving that file.
I’ve never heard such [bullcrap] before…
August 10th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Ok, next item:
vow vow? Who does that?
Next:
kwock? like quack? That’s stupid! No frog does that. Funny is, some frogs make the other noise: Ribbit……. That’s different. Some actually make a ribbit-noise, some make another one. Well it could be kwock, but I don’t it should be a “k”. I think it’s just wo—k. Like wok, but stretch it out a little bit. It’s really hard to write down animal noises
August 11th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
But seriously…Just like whipporwills don’t actually say “Whipper-will!”, and Killdeers don’t actually say “Kill-deer!”, and chickadees don’t actually say “Chick-a-dee dee dee”, and barn owls don’t actually say “Who? Who? Who cooks for you?”, and Bobolinks don’t actually say “Bob-o-link!”, and chicks don’t actually say “Peep-peep”, roosters don’t ACTUALLY say “Cock-a-doodle-do!” and it has NOTHING to do with Yankee Doodle Dandy!
Its been grr-grr-great and the exchanges have been ribbit-ribbit-ribbiting, but please moo-moo-move on baa-baa-be-caw-caw-se you guys-sss-sss are quack-quack-quacking me up! Honk-honk! Oink-oink! Hee-haw!
And that is all I have to say about that! Awk-awk, eek-eek, tooki-tooki!
August 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
@Patrick: He wanted to write for example kwok instead of quaaaak because english people dont know how to say quak it makes no sense for them…
August 11th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Kuckuck, Kuckuck, ruft’s aus dem Wald…
Ich bin so satt, ich mag kein Blatt, mäh, mäh!
Ruckediguh, ruckediguh, Blut ist im Schuh!
(The last one is from Aschenputtel/Cinderella - the version of the Grimm Bros, not the bloodless Disney version…
)
August 12th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
@Bird of Prey: Cool! Welcher Vogel singt dieses Lied? Ruckediguh, ruckediguh, Blut ist im Schuh!?
Lesen Sie das Grimm Brüder Märchen betitelte ” Die Maus, der Stock und das Shoe.” Alles stirbt im Ende! Disney würde nicht in der Lage sein, es zu verderben.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
“Ruckediguh, ruckediguh, Blut ist im Schuh!”
is a quote from the German language version of the fairy tale “Cinderella”, called “Aschenputtel” or “Aschenbrödel” in German.
The animal quoted is a pigeon.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@Stefan and Bird of Prey: Es ist gut, Anmerkungen von den “Regulars” wieder zu lesen.
August 12th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Reading the posts of crazy foriegn people is fun, but I prefer the thoughtful exchange of cultural curiosities that are sadly in the minority here…
As we all can see, German pidgeons are more intelligent than American pidgeons because they actually form words in a sentence! Ami pidgeons only say, “Coo-coo”. I am pretty embarrassed, but I can live with the pain of admitting to that.
Do any German animals besides birds “talk”? I cannot think of any American mammals, reptiles, etc. that do. Might be fun to compare bird-songs.
August 16th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Everyone knows that the cuckoo (or in German “Kuckuck”) got its name from its sound: “Kuckuck! Kuckuck!” (Of course, the German version is the right one, what else?
) But apparently, there are other birds like this. For example, there is the “Chiffchaff” which seems to make completely different noises when it visits Germany: The Germans call it “Zilpzalp”. (In fact, neither name matches the sound.)
August 21st, 2009 at 1:22 am
Huh?
Good lord, you deleted that?!
Sad. I’m sure some of your readers would have been interested in my theories on the origins of the different female vocalizations during orgasm among a broad spectrum of national groups. If you haven’t heard the German umlauted “u” or the Japanese “kiiimooochii,” they you’re really missing something. The Germans here, I know, would have appreciated it. American prudery, I’m afraid, has triumphed here.
August 28th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
What happened ?
attitude ?
you sound frustrated, just ranting, where is your
I cant believe the quak vs ribit and you vs I articles are from the same person as the “modest proposal” and “germans love facts articles.
Or maybe you learned so much about Germany, you are now actually
“Schulmeistering”. Which means it will only be a couple of weeks until you start to open your windows and observe traffic on the street every day.
Take a day off, seriously….
September 9th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Good thing that there is probably a huge portion of German in a lot of Americans, because I have no problem naming a large number of Americans who can’t listen either.
Hooray for phonics!
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Ich musste so lachen, als ich die Tabelle sah. German Imitation. Actual Sound. Super witzig!
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Here you can hear both frogs for comparison:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkzVJDaaUzQ
October 11th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
@ Ribiter:
That’s finally enlightenment and delivers FACTS: these kinds of frogs neither croak nor sound like “quak”. They make inimitable sounds!
October 12th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Oh, some of the frogs in the youtube video do sound like “quak!”, you just have to pronounce it right. Don’t just say “quak!”. You have to make yourself feel like a frog.
No, really, just try to imitate the sound while saying “Quak!” with a slighty squeezed long German a and don’t put too much emphasize on the q.
This way you’ll have a pretty decent imitation of the classic continental German frog that drove thousands of people linving near frog infested ponds into insanity.
October 12th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Correction: The last paragraph should be “classic continental European frog”, not “German”.
October 14th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
hilarious!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=DE&hl=de&v=0aVOwJfim6s
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Alles Vorurteile
ich bin echt am zweifeln ob du das wirklich ernst meinst 
unglaublich
November 7th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Dass die Frösche hierzulande quak sagen, und nicht ribbitt, liegt an unserem überlegenen Bildungssystem. Quak ist nämlich korrekt, und unsere Frösche haben Abitur.
November 7th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
After reading the other comments, I realized that English is the preferred language here, so I repeat my German posting above in English:
The reason for our frogs to say kwok instead of ribbit is our superior education system. For kwok is correct, and most of our frogs have their final secondary-school examinations.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
We host German IFYEs (website for acronym will explain program) on our farm each summer here in Frankenmuth, MI. My husband speaks the local bayerisch fluently and he often takes it upon himself to tell our guests the “correct” way to speak German! Makes for an amusing dialogue. Now our youngest daughter is in third year German in HS and she has to side with our guests and tell Dad he’s wrong… However, there is enough similarity to the modern Deutsch that she and Dad can have entire conversations here at home and leave Mom out of the loop!! I am determined to learn some German during the rest of my days.