Archive for the ‘Quick Tipps’ Category

Quick Tipp - sweep week

Monday, June 2nd, 2008

If you have to live in Germany, live in Bavaria. If you can’t live in Bavaria, then live anywhere north of there, but avoid living in Baden-Württemberg at all costs, lest you be forced to deal with the dreaded Kehrwoche. There doesn’t exist an English translation of this word, because no other culture would choose to self-inflict itself with this absurdity.

If forced to live among the Schwabs, you may be tempted to live in a house with multiple families to save some money, thinking it will be something like an apartment in America. This is not the case, because in Schwabia, each family takes turns sweeping, mopping, washing windows, cleaning out the garage, doing yard work, or any other work your condo fees would take care of in a civilized society. This Kehrwoche is perfect for the Schwabs, because not only do they not have to pay a cleaning lady or maintenance crew to handle the upkeep of common areas, they also have the chance to nit-pick about the quality of work done by the neighbors, which can be used to add some extra much needed complaining to the local gossip.

If you do end up in a Kehrwoche situation, be prepared to receive a note like this one on your door to reinforce all the stereotypes about Schwabs.

Kehrwoche

Note here that this letter is an almost friendly reminder that all the information contained in it is posted elsewhere in the house, so obviously you aren’t doing a good enough job of following the rules. You will note that there is a small and a big sweep week, so that you can alternate between disappointing just your floor mates and the entire house with a cleaning job not up to their standards. Maybe that’s because you don’t like the idea of cleaning the trashcan used by 20 other strangers as instructed here.

Another interesting point about the note you will receive is that you will be thanked in advance with an exclamation point (In the German language, the exclamation point indicates a command), and that the note will be written on paper stolen from a tropical resort hotel, furthering reinforcing stereotypes about these people.

If you don’t want to be bossed around by neighbors who don’t know whether to capitalize a verb or not in their own language, please don’t move here.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden

Quick Tipp - feigning interest in soccer

Friday, May 16th, 2008

One great way to integrate into German culture is to pretend to like soccer. There are two main strategies here, plus one rarely used alternative that is worth mentioning.

  1. Learn to love your local team. The teams in the German premier league, the Bundesliga, are spread throughout the country. Become a fan of the nearest team and follow them religiously. If you are located in New Germany, or in an area with lots of New Germans living there, supporting every team from New Germany is considered good form.
  2. Become a Bayern Munich fan. This is a strategy that must considered very carefully, but it can yield great results. 92% of Germans hate Bayern Munich, even in Munich itself. The remaining 8% will want to be friends with you automatically, because they wouldn’t have any friends otherwise. This severely limits your demographics, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

The lesser used strategy is to become a St. Pauli supporter. This will keep people at safe a distance from you.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden

Quick Tipp - tipping

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Most Germans don’t understand tipping in America, just as most Americans don’t understand tipping in Germany.

In America, your waiter is dependent on tips to survive, because their minimum wage is just over $2/hour, and the US dollar doesn’t go too far anymore. That’s why we have the standard guideline of 15% which we adjust up or down based on whether the waiter squatted down to eye level with us, wore enough pieces of flare, drew a smiley face on the check, or let our food get cold by taking a smoke break out back. Germans often don’t know that they are supposed to add 3% whenever the waiter makes physical contact with them.

Americans try to tip nonchalantly by saying either “keep the change”, or leaving money on the table for them to pick up later. Most of the time we pay with a credit card while dining out, which baffles Germans that they run our transaction through the credit system and give us a receipt, and then we change the amount of transaction while signing. What happens here is that the restaurant will adjust the transaction amount by the tip amount at the end of the day. This is generally done under the supervision of the manager, so that waiters don’t steal from you. If you do pay by credit card, it is a good idea to check a few days later that the amount charged matches up, which it does 99% of the time.

If you are a typical German, you will drink 5 Budweisers and explain to everyone around you that it is not real Budweiser and that it tastes like water. After that, you may not be able to add numbers anymore so if you pay by credit card, the amount you actually tip is number you write down as the tip not the sum you wrote down. If you add it up wrong, your lack of math skills will be ignored.

If you really like the waiter, the best is to tip them with cash, because then they aren’t forced to pay taxes, if they don’t want to.

In Germany the waitresses aren’t so dependent on the tips, because they make a higher wage. But that doesn’t mean people don’t tip in Germany; they just don’t tip as much. It seems to be a rumor that you don’t have to tip in Europe at all, so many tourists insist on showing they are savy by never tipping, but the majority of Germans give a small tip, usually by rounding up the check to the next whole Euro or adding a few more to it for parties larger than 1 (Splitting the check is the norm in Germany, which makes it convenient to dine with friends). While paying your waitress just tell her how much the bill should be with the tip included, and she’ll give you the rest as change, and you don’t have to worry about leaving it on the table.

Bottom line on tipping in Germany, if the service was terrible, don’t tip anything. If the service was good, show some appreciation, you just don’t need to throw down 20%, because you’ll make an awkward situation where the waitress thinks you don’t know what you’re doing.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden

Quick Tipp - blending in

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

We Americans know we have a pretty lousy stigma at the moment throughout the world, and in Germany its not much different. That’s why we sew Canadian flags on our backpacks to try to be more accepted abroad.

Another way to try to slip under the radar is to make sure you leave your white socks at home. While its not really cool in America, it is an absolute no no in Germany.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid ein/ausblenden