May 1st in Germany is the “Day of Work”, a national holiday, so nobody goes to work. In honor of that spirit, we’re not working here either. Instead, watch this short video about the German Coast Guard. Happy May Day.
deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid
Germans are the kings of efficiency and this extends into the realm of eating lunch. If you work at a big company in Germany, you will almost certainly have a cafeteria to eat in which serves up great subsidized meals. Because Germans want to spend as little time as possible at work, they limit their lunch breaks to exactly 45 minutes. That means you have 45 minutes to walk from the office to the cafeteria, get served up a nice meal and a tiny drink with no ice (and no free refills), talk about the latest episode of the emigration reality show, a soccer match, or what would have happened if some battle in a war 95 years ago would have turned out differently. After that you need to return your dishes and take a 10 minute walk the long way back to the office.
When you subtract the walking times and time needed to buy your lunch, you actually only have about 10 minutes to eat your meal while discussing 1 reality show, 1 soccer match, and 1 alternative outcome to a historic event. You as an American cannot pull it off. Do not attempt to participate in the conversation, focus solely on eating as fast as you can. The cards are stacked against you in this for the following 2 reasons:
Not only did you not get to say a single word about the first topic, you wasted your first 3 minutes of valuable eating time. You are still working on your soup, while your German colleagues have already finished their Maultaschen and are getting ready to dig into dessert.
Once again its going to be one of those days where the only thing you said all lunch long was genau one time, and your colleagues are still going to have to wait for the slow American to finish lunch.
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Although Germans are accused of being socialists just because they pay 19% sales tax nationwide, 67.578% income tax, church tax, and the East Germany gets the good roads tax, as well as having to pay extra every single month for owning a TV, radio, car radio, and/or computer monitor, Germans are actually better capitalists than Americans. Yes, Germans pay something like $10 in tax per gallon of gasoline to drive to work, but German businesses have latched onto capitalism much better than American corporations.
One of the principles of capitalism is that resources that aren’t directly paid for by individuals are wasted. For example, when you go grocery shopping in the United States, you are generally given about 25 extra plastic bags, because the cashiers bag each item separately, but you don’t argue with them, because the bags are free. The cashier gives every customer extra bags to avoid the one odd customer who might complain that her eggs will break if bagged with the bread or something. Since neither the cashier nor the customer bears the cost of the plastic bags, they are wasted.
Not in Germany. In Germany you have to pay a few coins for a bag, so you either bring one with you when you shop or try to stuff one week’s worth of groceries into one bag. (Be careful not lose any coins in Europe. American coins are pretty much worthless, but Euro coins can actually buy you stuff, or at least let you get a grocery cart.)
In Germany nothing is free. Everything costs a little, whether that’s using a restroom or getting a little extra mayonnaise for your french fries. Although it is pretty annoying to be nickled and dimed every time you turn around, overall it is a more efficient allocation of resources.
Well done Germany. Except seriously, Soda costs next to nothing. Stop charging €4 for a tiny 0.2L cup of Coke with no ice and no free refills!
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When you arrive in Germany, one thing you will notice first is that it seems to always be overcast and rainy. The reason for this is simple: When Germans don’t eat all of the food on their plate, the sun doesn’t shine the next day. It is quite a feat to get 80 million Germans to all eat their plates completely empty on the same day, let alone all of the tourists there, who don’t know the rules.
Now, when you go to a restaurant in Germany, be sure you finish up everything on your plate, not only because you’re not going to get a doggie-bag, but because if you don’t the waitress will come and yell at you for not finishing your meal. Even though you are still full from a big breakfast at the hotel of fresh baked Brötchen and cold cuts, or scrumptious butter-filled pretzels, you must eat every last bite of your meal, because otherwise your waitress is going to have to spend your tip at the tanning salon, since once again the sun won’t be shining tomorrow.
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Americans don’t like corn on their pizza. We love corn, that’s no secret, but actually no American has ever put corn on his pizza. That’s where the pepperoni goes (not the vegetable, the little red slices of sausage only found on pizza).
I’m pretty sure no American has ever made chili con carne pizza before… but I guess if you’re going to put corn on your pizza, you might as well dump a whole bowl of chili on there. Hmmm, that actually looks pretty good. I’ll have to try it next time I’m in the Fatherland.
So stop selling pizza with corn on it as “American Style”. Maybe in turn we’ll quit calling vanilla pudding in a donut “bavarian creme”.