Unanswered Google Queries

People often ask Google many things about the German language, Germans, and Americans, and Google often refers them to us here at Nothing For Ungood. Unfortunately, we have not had time to create the content which answers every possible question related to these topics yet, so we answer them here directly. If you came to Nothing For Ungood because you asked a Google a question, but didn’t find the answer here, please check back a little while later, we will answer your question next.

Here are the answers to search queries that landed people here, but weren’t answered in posts at query time:

Can germans learn the present perfect correctly?

Yes, Germans can learn this, but only after years and years of immersion. The English language is extremely complicated with its grammatical time indications. Germans won’t be able to learn this in the class room, as the differences are extremely subtle and difficult to explain.

Why has Germany so funny word?

I don’t understand the query. Please ask again more precisely.

“ich bin nicht gemeint. ich mag dich einfach nicht!!!” translate

Not to be rude, but you have just been insulted by someone who can’t spell in their own language.

difference between das and dass

Das is an article (the), dass conjoins two clauses (that). (Google, I don’t want to give out grammar lessons, please refer these somewhere else.)

do germans eat with fork and knife

Please note, this query came from Canada. Yes, most Germans eat with fork and knife, though in Bavaria they just use finger and knife.

do Germans work on Saturdays?

No. Germans wash their car on Saturday.

german how to say she doesn’t speak german in german

Sie spricht kein Deutsch

how long to learn german

That all depends. 48 hours if you buy the expensive audio tape course, 4 years if you learn it in college. 1.357 years if you move there for immersion.

how to say ‘ i only speak some german’

I nur spreche etwas Deutsch

how to say convenient in german

The Germans don’t have a word for this concept, just like we don’t have Schadenfreude

how to say pizza in german

Pizza. But pronounce the ‘i’ short like pickle instead of long like pea.

if i learn german, will i ever actually use it?

No.

is it a good idea to learn german and spanish at the same time?

No. You will kind of mix up German and Spanish for a while, because your brain kind of stores all the foreign languages together. It will get better with time, but it’s not a good idea to learn German in the first place.

kids learning german because of tokio hotel

ROFL

location lidl store bavaria

First right on the Einbahnstraße, then right behind the HL Markt.

my name is and i am trying to learn german in german

Mein Name ist und ich versuche auf Deutsch Deutsch zu lernen.

name of road in germeny with no speed limit?

A7

mahlzeit response

mahlzeit, selber.

soll man englisch oder deutsch lernen?

Englisch.

translate german into english der hat ja einen knall

He’s off his rocker.

who can ich deutsch lehrnen?

You would get better results if you tried asking in a language you can spell. I am not sure if you are asking whom you can teach German, where you can learn German, or some strange combination of both?

why are american toilets so full of water?

Cause they are big.

why do germans eat sandwiches for breakfast?

Really? Do you think someone has devoted the time to creating a web page just to explain why a culture would eat sandwiches for breakfast? I don’t know, maybe it’s because it is totally delicious to eat some fresh baked rolls with scrumptious deli cuts on them. Just enjoy and stop worrying about the reason why.

wann benutzt man don’t have und wann doesn’t have#

Der Unterschied ist gleich wie im Falle von “do” und “does”, also ob plural (don’t have) oder nicht (doesn’t have). (Google, once again, I am not a teacher, please do not send me any more grammar questions.)

english words germans find hard to pronounce

Germans can’t say the word “months”.

what do “german men” like in “american women”

German men know that all German women have problems with Kreislaufstörung and assume that American women don’t and therefore have headaches less often. Oh, and their eyes.

will the german language make a come back?

No. German is being replaced with English and Turkish. Germans don’t make enough babies for a come back.

what is it called when you mix cherry juice and banana juice in german?

Banane-Kirsch-Saft or Bak KiBa for short. Sounds delicious.

what do germans taste like

A lot like chicken, I would guess.

why i don’t like the german

I am not sure which one you are asking about, but it’s probably because you want to play Counterstrike, but he always just wants to play Mensch Ärger Dich Nicht.

“americans don’t do well in europe”

The 6 words you typed essentially include “do” twice and “in” once, two of the few keywords that Google ignores. So, I’m not sure what action you are looking for Americans being bad at in Europe, but since your search query came from America, is it safe to assume that you meant to search for “Americans don’t do well at googling in Europe”? I am pretty sure you are exactly 1 key word away from finding what you are looking for.

world socker championship

You obviously know absolutley nothing about soccer. You are in the right place.

what do germans think of americans

Germans think Americans are fat, lazy, and superficial. Also, they think we aren’t civilized because we have the death penalty. Other than those 4 points, opinions vary.

do you think it’s a good or silly idea to have euro 2008 in two countries - austria and switzerland?

I think this idea is ok, just like having the world cup shared between South Korea and Japan was ok for the World Cup in 2002.

americans living in austria+how to cope

Start by asking a local where the next Heuriger is.

what i found in you, is all i need. deutsch

Was ich in dir gefunden habe, ist alles was ich brauche.

if you won´t i gived auf deutsch

I don’t even know what you are trying to say auf englisch.

jobs in for english speaking people in wilhelmshaven

This site would probably be a better resource.

typical germans leather pants why

As you always say Yoda, “Anger breeds hate. Hate breeds suffering.”

does an donts rechtschreibung

“do’s and don’ts”

saying thanks in german+pronounce

“Ich bedanke mich bei Ihnen recht herzlich.” (Ick Be-donk-a mick by eenan reckt herts-lick)

or

“Danke.” (donk-a)

how to say stuff in german

stopfen

warum deutschen zählen andersrum

Cause ya’ll do everything wrong.

congratulation, i hate you übersetzung

Glückwunsch, ich hasse dich.

how many time does it need to learn german?

Do you consider yourself done learning English? You’d better not.

how to develop mother language in foreign country

Ask the English, they have been the best at developing their mother language in foreign countries.

how to say would you like to have a drink after work in german language

Es gibt eine Afterworkparty, wollen wir auf ein Bierchen?

making a radler drink in us

Most bartenders will look at you funny, but you can always order a Budweiser, a sprite, and an extra glass, then mix it yourself. Works best if you have two people.

moin moin was geht

Alles klar bei dir?

paplik was ist das

Das frage ich mich auch. So sagen die Leute “Public” im Fernsehen, vermutlich meinen die öffentlich, sowie öffentliche Übertragung oder Rudelgucken.

rammstein “can’t sing”

But they are awesome at yelling.

reasons why you should not marry a german

I was just about to google that myself. Sorry, Bettina, got to make sure I have all my bases covered.

what is typical german mentality

I have a solution to my problem, but let’s see if I can find a more complicated one.

why does google think i speak german?

Better yet, why does Google think I have an answer for its thoughts?

why don’t you german

Warum machen Sie nicht.

why we don’t hate the germans as much as the french

Hmmm. BMW or Peugeot. Porsche or Renault. Dumb question. Next question, please.

bravo dr.sommer that’s me

Google, this site is American, we don’t discuss such topics here. Please refer them somewhere else.

happy gay pride day german

Frölichen Christopher Street Tag

do alot of people vomit at oktoberfest

Yes.

does people from all over the world attend the oktoberfest

Yes they does.

why do germans drink carbonated water

Because Germans do things wrong, as previously explained.

germany blogs get a job

Sorry, I’m not sure whether you are searching for advice on finding employment in Germany, or whether you are tell me to quit writing.

how do germans write numbers

Mostly the same as we do with two notable exceptions. Germans make their ones in a goofy teepee shape, which makes it hard to distinguish it from a seven, so they draw a horizontal line through the base of their seven.

do you need to pay to go into oktoberfest

No, but you need to pay to enjoy the Oktoberfest. And show up early.

german word ach so

Basically a verbal cue that a light bulb went on inside of a German’s head. Like “ok, I got it now” or “gotcha”.

when germans say ‘until’, what do they mean?

This is a great question, actually, and I hope you come back for the answer. When Germans say “until” and you are confused, it is because they probably mean “by”. Prepositions are really tough things in languages because even though they have one translation in one context, they often mean something different in another context. The German word bis is most directly translated as “until”, but in terms of a deadline, it should be translated as “by”. Every German will get this wrong until they die. They will always say “until” instead of “by” in this case, when referring to when they will do something, or when something is due.

where can i buy colaweizen

The easy answer is just don’t, cause it’s gross. The second most easy answer is anywhere that sells cola and weizen.

why u just leave me auf deutsch

I refuse to answer the questions of people who say “u” instead of you. C’mon it’s three letters.

dont be angrey auf deutsch

Mensch, ärger dich nicht!

ihr deutsch ist sehr gut, wo haben sie lernen, sprechen es so gut?

Trust me, it’s not as good as you think.

mein mann will kein deutsch lernen

Good for him. There are millions of useful things he could be doing, plus you married him because he is exotic. If he learns German you will just start thinking he is dumb because he can’t say things correctly. Let him be.

übersetzung “potty mouth”

There isn’t really a good translation, but it is a term used by kids or around kids to refer to someone using inappropriate languange. Dreckiges Mundwerk or Schandmaul kind of go in right the direction, but go way too far. Literally translated it would be Klomund

why do germans do everything wrong?

Germans do everything wrong, because they do things differently than we do. And since we are always right, that leaves only one logical conclusion.

borussia monchengladbach distance to munich

Well, one is a soccer team and one is a city, but let’s say the soccer team has a home game, then it’s 398 miles (or 641 km if you are a communist) from the Kasey Keller’s old stomping grounds to the home of the Kaiser.

check yes or no deutsche übersetzung

Great George Straight song, by the way. Kreuze an: Ja, Nein, Vielleicht. German kids always get the option of maybe, whereas American kids learn to shoot from the hip straightaway.

dead body shootings

Yeah, sorry. This is what happens when I write in English like the Germans speak it. Everything goes wrong. I am sure you will find what you are looking for elsewhere, though. Happy searching, sicko.

flush the toilet paper in germany

I have heard rumors that in Brazil they don’t flush the toilet paper, and instead collect in a waste basket that has to be emptied every day. But in Germany, feel free to flush it away.

On a related note, scientific research has shown that Germans fold their toilet paper before wiping and Americans ball it up. Try googling that!

die haxn restaurant in munich

While you can find Haxn at every restaurant in Munich, you want to got to either the Hofbräuhaus or anywhere with Augustiner and Keller in the name.

greeting german lunchtime

Mahlzeit!

how do you say “when something is due” in spanish

It doesn’t matter when it is due, it’s going to get done mañana. (Google, I don’t speak Spanish. No more of these please.)

how long to learn german if i know russian

You “know” Russian? I’ll bet “knowing” German will take about as much time as getting to know Russian.

is it safe for americans to drink tap water in dresden, germany

Yes. But you’ll want to bring non-perishables along with you because the food is not safe for Americans to eat.

oktoberfest stuttgart 2008

Your Schwabian friend lied to you, THERE IS NO OKTOBERFEST IN STUTTGART!

oktoberfest weekends too crowded

If you think there is such a thing as “too crowded”, don’t go to Oktoberfest, you are going to have a bad time.

subway food strategy

I don’t know whether you mean the fast food chain or the actual mass transit system. If you mean the chain, my strategy is to get the cold-cut-trio which is the cheapest sandwich, then top it off with every single side item for free, then season it with vinegar and oil and get one of those white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. But your mileage may vary.

As for the mass transit system, I usually stake out a bakery at one of the stops where you have to change trains and go grab a buttered pretzel or two. Five minutes between trains is generally plenty of time to make the purchase and be back ready to stand in people’s way as they try to exit the U-Bahn to make sure you get first pick of the available seats to enjoy your breakfast. I think that’s a strategy that will work for anyone.

what are the chances to get a job in germany without speaking deutsch

You have taken the first step in learning how to say German in German, so I think you are on the right track, but what are the chances that a website will switch languages mid sentence just like your question? Think before you type.

what to germans think of the usa?

Germans think the USA used to be a great place to go on vacation to feel wide open spaces, see awesome national parks, buy cheap clothing, meet friendly people, and cruise down Route 66 for a sense of freedom in the sunshine. Now they think it could be a great time to go to the USA because the strong Euro makes everything so cheap, but they know that our government is making traveling to USA an extreme pain for foreigners, where everyone without a US passport is treated like a likely terrorist, so they go to Greece instead.

So I guess we kinda let the terrorist win there. Oops.

why is durch pronounced the way it is

I will not dignify this query with a response.

you can know when somebody speaks german even if you don’t understand german

Yeah, you can tell, because when they want to emphasize something they take their right arm about waist high, make a fist and sort pump their forearm to and fro while muttering something like power or Gas geben.

bar debit card germany

The German version of a debit card is called the EC card. But you probably wouldn’t use it at a bar. Just grab some cash.

german idiom for “pain in the ass”

Nervensäge.

get bent übersetzung

Hiermit möchte ich unsere Freundschaft beenden.

how germans make love

Pretty much like we do, with the notable exception that they first have to plug in the stereo.

how is repatriation pronounced?

Ree-pay-tree-ay-shun

how to make my german husband happy

Schnittchen

i truly love bavaria

It’s ok. We all do.

i would like to buy some leather pants translate to german

Stop. Think long and hard about what you are asking for here.

is it safe to drink from tapwater in munich

Yes.

pizza flavored pudding

What is wrong with you people?

tropfen hoelt den stein english

Chinese water torture is effective.

what thinks americans about germans??

Did you think you would get a better answer by adding a second question mark?

which europeans are worst at learning english

The Italians.

unshaved armpits european female

This is kind of an old stereotype that isn’t very true anymore. While certain eco-girls like to sport the au-natural pits, most european women shave their armpits now. Even a lot of young German guys shave their pits as well, and not just the swimmers.

million übersetzung deutsch amerikanisch

We use million just like everyone else. Where it gets tricky is a thousand million, which we Americans call a billion, whereas the rest of the world reserves the world billion for a million million. Just another example of the entire rest of the world getting it wrong.

do german street signs have english on them

Oh boy. You are probably one of those people that see the Ausfahrt sign and think it’s hilarious.

No. German advertisements are in English, but their street signs are mostly pictures with a few German words thrown in there.

“glasgow kiss” übersetzung

It means a head butt. Glasgow is not a very nice place. And the people from Glasgow are not very nice people.

“one of those” german phrase eine davon

You answered your own query?

cannstatt wasen table booking

You don’t need to book a table. There will be empty seats.

deutsch spelling of machen

Correct.

german phrase to order dinner

Abendessen bestellen.

frauen stehpinkeln

Does that even work? I’m sorry, I can offer no information on this subject.

grune welle traffic

I have no idea what you are looking for, so I will simply tell you everything that comes to mind about the green wave. The green wave doesn’t exist as frequently in America as it does in Germany, probably because our streets are laid out in a grid, whereas German towns usually have main streets, making it more predictable where people will drive, and on these bigger streets you can set up the timing of the traffic lights so that if you go the speed limit and don’t turn, you won’t run into any red lights. It’s awesome, and I wish we had that in America.

In one town I lived in in Germany, they had signs that told you how fast to go in order to catch the next traffic light, and if you followed their suggestions you saved a ton on gas and frustration by not having to stop and go at traffic lights on the main street. I wish more towns around Germany and the US would implement this as its a super way to save gas.

how much do americans know about foreign countries

Nothing.

lernen sie british aussprache

Go to your local Irish pub and strike up a conversation with the British people that will inevitably be there. Also, be aware that there a tons of different British accents, so it’s going to be tough to try to sound generically British. Avoid making contact with any Scottish, since even native English speakers don’t understand the Scots. People from Northern Ireland, Southern England, or Wales should be good to learn from though.

reasons to learn german funny

Wow, I feel like I am being put on the spot, you want me to tell you why to learn German and be funny at the same time. No. I will not be your monkey.

root beer germany stores a&w

Alright, this is something you need to learn to get over. You obviously live in Germany but want the stuff you know from America. Stop it. You will never enjoy your time in Germany if you constantly try to make a place into something it’s not. Root beer is awesome, but so are tons of German things you could be enjoying in its place. Drink some Spezi and enjoy all the interesting stuff you have around you.

schenkelbürste

I knew I shouldn’t allowed comments on that mustache article.

schönste germanin

Hmm, wife of the guy that writes USA Erklärt doing some ego-surfing?

sie nicht erklären mir dass sie deutsches sprechen meaning

I honestly don’t know. Something like, “You didn’t tell me that you speak German”, I would assume is what they are trying to say.

stuttgart oktoberfest lederhosen

AHHHHHHH Stuttgart does not have an Oktoberfest! And don’t you dare go buy Lederhosen.

öffnen pet verschluss

Twist.

strange germans

I am not sure exactly what you are looking for, but this will suffice:



englisches wort für mettRaw meat intended to be eaten raw. We don’t do this, so we don’t have a word for it.kommunikation mit amerikanernIt’s not too tough, just try to lighten it up a little with small talk and a joke here or there. We get a little annoyed when you get down to business right away.waitress changed the amount of the tip on credit card receiptI am sorry to hear that.welche lebensmittel vermissen amerikaner?Peanut butter is probably the big one. You can get crappy peanut butter at a very high price in Germany. Runner-up would have to be EZ-Cheeze. Germany has a definite shortage of aerosol canned cheese options.

what americans think about europe

We think Europeans are socialists who take 6 weeks of vacation and only work 35 hours a week and have to wait months for a doctor appointment because of socialized medicine. We think your stuff is small, that you probably have body odor and don’t shave your armpits. We think you probably won’t want to admit it, but you are jealous of Americans and would love to emigrate here if you could, which is proven by the fact that you listen to our music, watch our tv, go to our movies, eat at our restaurants, and know more about our politics than we do.

Oh wait, you asked what Americans think about Europe, not Europeans. We think Europe has old stuff like castles and famous art, and that it is a cool place to go on vacation because you can ride on a train.

what germans are doing to conserve energy

Walking, riding their bike, not having air conditioning or at least keeping the room temperature warm in the summer and cool in the winter (instead of the opposite like we do), using public transportation, charging tons of tax on gas. Unplugging electronics when not in use to stop leakage power in standby mode. Same stuff they have been doing for years.

why do germans like hasselhoff

Why wouldn’t they?

“keine pluralform” englisch

No plural form.

adjektivendungen im nominative und akkusativ ohne artikel

Yeah, my point exactly. Like all things German, the German language is too complicated.

american average footsteps per day

I think in the movie Super Size Me, they said the average American walks like one fifth of a mile a day, which is about 1,000 ft. Let’s say the average footstep moves you 2 ft, then you get something like 500 footsteps a day.

That can’t be right. Maybe someone else can answer that one.

americans didn´t invented fireworks or democracy

I know, I know. Everyone is telling me that.

americans do know nothing about germany

Correct. But we do know nothing about a lot of other places, too.

body bags - feet or head first?

Wow.

deutsche beten bevor essen

I have never seen it. Usually they just say guten Appetit, or guten Hunger, or a guada or something to that effect.

deutsche kueche fuer kinder

Anything from Haribo will work.

do germans eat corn

Yes.

döner kebab+america

I haven’t ever seen a Döner in America, but I have heard they exist in New England. On a side note, Döners in the UK or Ireland are not nearly as good as Döners in Germany. Something about food when its prepared north of the English Channel makes it automatically mediocre at best. It’s weird. Unless it’s Indian.

ein schöneres wort für schuppen

Hmmm.. how about Kopfhautflocken. No wait, that sounds even worse.

german position of nicht

Pretty much anywhere in the sentence. Go crazy with it.

german you don’t learn in schools

Interesting idea for a future article. One that comes to mind is zwo, it’s like two but with a more Prussian military feel to it.

grammar “um zu” in englisch “to” or “for”

Yeah, you can use both.

how to pronounce ich hasse dich

That’s not a very nice thing to say. ick hos-a dick

how to spell american in feminine tense german

US-Amerikanerin

how to tell if german likes you

They will tell you so. If they don’t like you, they will also tell you so. Since you don’t know, they haven’t told you either way, which means they are indifferent to you.

how to tell if you are german

If you think that having more than one prawn means you have shrimps, or if you thought it made sense that this page is listed under the Informations category.

menschen die nicht richtig deutsch sprechen

That doesn’t narrow it down much.

munich cuckoo clock where to buy

You want to go the Black Forest for this one to fulfill all of our stereotypes. (Munich is not in the Black Forest.)

nordic walker chuck norris

I am not sure what you are looking for, but that puts a funny image in my head. Thanks.

oachkatzlschwoaf getränk

Fuzzy navel.

rechtschreibung blog

Wow, I think I would rather read a blog about someone’s kitten.

repatriating machines

That would be one cool invention. You would definitely need some kind of international patent though. Could be tough.

ser gut ya translate

Nice, eh?

translate versuche es!!! es wird schwer werden into english

Try it out, it’s going to be tough. A bit of a warning here, Germans often love understatement, so whatever you are trying to do may be really, really tough.

warum lernen wir nicht amerikanisch

I ask myself the same question.

46 Responses to “Unanswered Google Queries”

  1. John Says:

    First comment… Yes!!!

  2. Scott Says:

    Three Letters: L. O. L.

  3. Fabian Says:

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=Wev4QcT47po

    “This video is not available in your country. ”

    Ey! I feel discriminated against :)

    Note: “Your country” is Switzerland, don’t know about Germany.

  4. John Says:

    Well Fabian, if it’s any consolation, some German site called Clipfish or something like that won’t let me see any videos at all purely based on my country. So at least it’s mutual discrimination.

  5. Bird of Prey Says:

    I find the “ach so”-question cute! :-)

  6. Fabian Says:

    Nope, as I said, I’m not responisble for the Germans, as I’m in Switzerland :)

  7. Eddi Says:

    that “Ausfahrt” answer reminds me of the story when the Queen visited Denmark, and they had to cover the “i fart” sign on the elevator :p

    [”i fart” means roughly “in motion”]

  8. John Says:

    jede Zelle, an jeder Stelle, ist VOLL GUT DRAUF!

    Oh man, I can’t get that out of my head now.

  9. Stine Says:

    German word they didn’t teach me in school, and yet EVERYONE used, was “gucken.”

  10. Manuel Says:

    regarding peanut butter in Germany: Have you tried ‘Barney’s Best - Peanut Butter’, John? It’s a US import and seems to be the only peanut butter sold in Germany that is certified by the American Peanut Council.
    http://www.dockhorn.com/brot.htm
    It’s about 1.70 EUR (2.60 $) here for a 350 g (12 oz) jar which, for me, seems to be a fair price considering peanut cream, which contains ~30 % peanuts, costs about the same.

    regarding ‘zwo’:
    Starting in elementary school I was told that it is ‘zwo’, not ‘zwei’ (2) which can be easily mistaken for ‘drei’ (3), especially in wartime. This continued of course in the Bundeswehr, where you get yelled at for saying ‘zwei’.

  11. John Says:

    Manuel, no I haven’t tried “Barney’s Best”, but I think I would trust anything made by a giant purple singing dinosaur to be pretty good. And the price doesn’t sound bad at all.

    I don’t live in Germany any more, so now I have die Qual der Wahl of the standard American goods (which means I eat Smuckers all natural extra crunchy, not so much sugar but you have to stir before use, since the oil separates out).

    Thanks for tipp, and hopefully some homesick American finds that useful…even though they should be learning to enjoy Fleischsalat or Nutella or some other local treat.

  12. Manuel Says:

    Hm, I didn’t associate Barney with _that_ Barney right away. Maybe because I grew up watching East European comics ( http://www.tu-chemnitz.de/advent/2003/1/maulwurf2.jpg ).

    I hate the smell of Fleischsalat, it’s only good in potato salad*.
    One thing I haven’t been able to find yet is grape jelly. I’ve asked in every overpriced Reformhaus and deli around town and always got the answer: ‘Jelly made of grapes?!’, well, they had ginger jelly…

    *: Just one of the many, many ways potatoes can be eaten that you forgot to mention in one of your last posts. Also potato soup, riced potatoes, croquettes, Rösti, potatoes au gratin, dumplings made of potatoes (Kartoffelklöße), potatoes (boiled) in their skins and potato wafers. I just compiled this list from this weeks student cafeteria menu.

  13. Manuel Says:

    forgot something:

    Honestly - I don’t think there’s any American, or for that matter Japanese, comic I’d want my children to watch or that I would consider kid-friendly.

  14. John Says:

    This from a guy whose country gave birth to the Grimm brothers and those nightmare fairy tales?

    Not even Itchy and Scratchy?

  15. Manuel Says:

    Well, the Brothers’ Grimm fairy tales are highly educational.

    As for Itchy and Scratchy..it’s not really about the violence, I just hate the way the characters are drawn.

  16. Frank Says:

    About the “flush the toilet paper in germany” and “Brazil” I can first hand assure you that this is very true in the majority of households in the Sao Paulo area. My brazilian gf said that in the south of Brazil it is also usual to flush the paper as we do.
    This habit of not flushing the paper originates from the times that the pipes of the houses were smaller so it could get stucked and you can get wet feet after you said bye-bye to your “buisness”. But newer buildings are now build with bigger pipe size and it gets therefor more usual to flush the paper as well. But even then people grown up with this habbit of not flushing the paper with still insist of throwing the paper in that special paper bin besides the toilet.
    If you ever go there either ask or use the bin. It may safe you some headache as I can assure you!

  17. Bird of Prey Says:

    As for educational, but nevertheless gruesome stories for children, made in Germany: Don’t forget the Struwwelpeter!!
    A boy gets thumbs chopped off by a tailor with a gigantic scissor! Another boy refuses to eat his soup and - starves to death!! A girl plays with fire and BURNSUP COMPLETELY!!! And much, much more!! (To be fair, that is probably more a 19th century thing than a German thing…)

  18. ExPat German who thinks he''s better than his stupid fellow countrymen due to superior command of English language Says:

    Re: Until/by
    Another two prepositions Germans get constantly confused is ’since’ and ‘for’. For example, when they try to explain that they’ve been doing something for three years, they will always say “since three years”, because in German the word ’seit’ is used for both cases.

  19. Christian Says:

    repatriating machine = Boing 747 or somthing from Airbus might do also

  20. Ralf Says:

    Hey!

    I’m german (almost needless to say, because of the spelling of my name and what follows now …).

    1st of all: I hate this site!

    What the hell is so funny about the people in that video, seriously expressing the furtune of their lives! Besides the fact, this is a video with German people and so people of course sing in German, it could have as well been recorded in every place in the world.

    I really don’t get your point!!!

    And btw:

    You should avoid making jokes about germans having problems with English language!

    You give me an impression of yours similar to the super intelligent taxi driver in North Umberland on my business trip last spring, having nothing better to do then telling me that he can tell what county a visitor is from by the 1st few word he/she says. So I tested him, asking what’s typicall German and he said, our unability to distiguish v from w, where as I just replied: I don’t know vat you mean.

    So: macht nur weiter so, ihr Angelsachsen, ihr englischen und amerikanischen!

  21. Lars Says:

    Hey Ralf,
    this is vat it is all about.

    To “Ausfahrt” there is a great album from the canadian band nomeansno, it calls “All roads lead to Ausfahrt” check it out

    @Ralf again ich liebe diese seite

  22. a real swabian ... Says:

    actually there is a ‘Oktoberfest’ in Stuttgart but it’s not called that way.
    In autumn (october) it’s the Volksfest and in spring there is the ‘Frühlingsfest’

  23. Prinz von Sinnen Says:

    how to say ‘ i only speak some german’

    I nur spreche etwas Deutsch

    That´s Wrong!

    it must be:

    Ich spreche nur wenig Deutsch

    wenig is better here than etwas.

  24. Thomas Says:

    In germany there is a game for kids called ‘Teekesselchen’ (litterary ’small tea pot’) which is a about a single word with two completely different meanings. Unfortunately you ran some of these words…

    > how to say stuff in german
    “stopfen” would be “to stuff” IMHO. I would like to add ‘Kram / Zeug(s) / Krempel’ as in ‘It got some stuff’. All 3 translations are somewhat negatively meant. A more neutral translation could be “Sachen”. woxikon.de has some more suggestions such as ‘Material / Soff’ or ‘ausstopfen’ (stuff dead animals).

    > ein schöneres wort für schuppen
    Klein geschrieben wäre es ein Verb und dafür fällt mir nix Besseres ein. ‘Die Schuppen’ bedecken die Haut vom Fisch und auch dafür kenne ich kein besseres Wort. Als Gebäude könnte man auch ‘Laube’ oder ‘Gartenhäuschen’ sagen und de.Wikipedia kennt noch einige weitere Bedeutungen wie z.B. (abfällig) ‘Diskothek’.

    However: Good work and a pretty entertaining site!

    Thomas

  25. Yves Says:

    The comment about ‘until’ really struck a bell for me.

    I used to have endless misunderstandings with my girlfriend over her saying ‘until now’. Once I realized that ‘bis jetzt’ in German almost always means ’so far’ and not ‘until now’ things got easier.

    Now if she says ‘until now’ and I just mentally translate it into ’so far’ and lots of trouble is avoided. A good one to keep in mind. :-)

  26. Henk Says:

    About: Frauen stehpinkeln

    Try “P-mate” in a search machine. Anyway–my wife always asks why boys are making such a mess of the toilet. And I ask her why she (like other women) taught her son to stand while p-ing.

    Have a nice day,

    Henk

  27. anonymouse Says:

    how to say ‘ i only speak some german’

    I nur spreche etwas Deutsch

    WRONG!!!!
    Ich spreche nur etwas Deutsch.

    Oh, and the DO work on saturdays, and washing your car anywhere outside of a Carwash is illegal (enviromental laws!)!!!!

  28. anonymouse Says:

    The Germans don’t have a word for this concept, just like we don’t have Schadenfreude

    Collins German- English dictionary:
    Schadenfreude: Malicious joy, gloating

    Ahhhhh sorry, that was an ENGLISH english dictionary :OD

    Convenient: Zweckmäßig, praktisch

    Again: Collins English-German dictionary…..

  29. Madbrit Says:

    I’m just going to LOVE this site :O)))

  30. Frank.P.B Says:

    I wonder why John is always complaining about convenient and convenience?
    Do Americans have anything like “Gemütlichkeit”? I don’t think so! And a lot of other countries are jellying because of the fact they don’t have Gemütlichkeit! And what about Kindergarten? Hmm…?

    Greetings ;-)

    Frank

    p.s. Philipp Reis rulez! Get your light by Heinrich Goebel!

  31. BerlinBlues Says:

    “how to say convenient in german

    The Germans don’t have a word for this concept, just like we don’t have Schadenfreude”

    This answer is slightly incorrect. It is not that the Germans have no word for this concept, it is that the Germans have yet to grasp the concept of convenience.

  32. Mark Says:

    RE: oktoberfest stuttgart 2008

    Your Schwabian friend lied to you, THERE IS NO OKTOBERFEST IN STUTTGART

    I don’t think he lied - just a slight misunderstanding. In Stuttgart its called the Cannstatter Wasen or Volksfest. Very similar in style i.e. lots of beer, however only Munich has the original Oktoberfest.

    Some of the answers are definitely lacking in the quality control department.

  33. Hein Blöd Says:

    I have to correct you on some of your answers:

    how to say ‘ i only speak some german’

    Ich spreche nur ein wenig Deutsch

    how to say convenient in german

    The Germans don’t have a word for this concept, just like we don’t have Schadenfreude. YES, we do have this word. convenient = bequem

  34. Bird of Prey Says:

    Also, “praktisch” can in some contexts carry the meaning of “convenient”.

  35. Harry Hansen Says:

    NON COMPOS MENTIS
    BerlinBlues and Hein you’re both pretty bloed.
    Of course you’ve got the word Schadenfreude in German, however, no correct translation in for this stupid word does exist in the English language. You’re bouncing back and forth a simple word like “convenient?”
    Look it up in a dictionary. The word could mean a whole range of things.
    And while you’re at it look up the word “TROGLODYTE.”

  36. Daniel Says:

    convenient = praktisch

  37. besserlacher Says:

    John, you made my day. Don’t remember when I laughed so hard about any website. Great sense of humor and looking forward to the next part.

    Und die Kommentare erst..
    Ralf, ich schlage vor du machst die Augen zu und rennst mit Anlauf in eine Wand. Wenn du dann noch immer nicht weisst was bei dir nicht stimmt gibt’s für dich keine Hoffnung mehr. ^^

    Und der Rest der hier in den Kommentaren irgendwas verbessern wollte.. beim nächsten Mal einfach tief durchatmen, bis drei zählen (zwei oder zwo ist egal) die Verbesserung in Gedanken aussprechen (nein, nicht laut, das ist der Trick, seid willensstark) und anschliessend wissend schmunzeln. Bei Fortgeschrittenen üben wir lautes, befreiendes Lachen und buchstabieren von “Satire”. :-P

  38. Uschi Says:

    Frank, Americans have the word “cozy”. It is basically the same as Gemütlichkeit, except with deodorant!
    The reason they don’t call it “gemütlich” is that that is harder to pronounce.
    “Convenient” most often is closer to the German use of “praktisch” oder “bequem.”
    And why is it that German needs to borrow the English word “fair ?” “Unsportlich” is as removed from “fair” as “gloating ” is from “Schadenfreude.”So, now you figure that one out.
    And don’t ever confuse “You’re turning meon” with |”You’re putting me one.” Unless , of course, you like surprises.

  39. Uschi Says:

    Does anyone claim that Germany has a Kindergarten ? I don’t think so. They decided to drop the word for “Kinderkrippe”, which makes no sense at all.I guess they don’t know what a Krippe is. Or they just called it that in order to make a few Communist-are nostalgists shut up.
    It is a shame. The concept of”Kindergarten” has historical roots and was the first such institution in Europe. Makes sense?
    Search me..

  40. Bird of Prey Says:

    I don’t know enough about the subject to tell if the term “Kinderkrippe” indeed comes from East Germany. But if so, this would be quite ironic, considering the communists’ stance on religion and how the word Krippe (crib) seems to allude to the nativity story…

  41. Also John Says:

    Sorry Uschi. Kindergartens were invented in Milwaukee, Wisconsin by a immigrant German educator. Everyone knows this. Just like ice cream cones, salisbury steaks (Hamburgers), french fries, pizza, chicken windgs and chop suey, everything good happened in America first.

  42. A Muttersprachler Says:

    »I nur spreche etwas Deutsch

    WRONG!!!!
    Ich spreche nur etwas Deutsch.«

    I don’t think it was *meant* to be translated correctly, given the original quotation. It’s funny to see people taking things written in the blog entry literally and getting in rage to correct things. I daresay it’s typically German, in a way?

  43. zirfeld Says:

    Some information about the “zwo”:

    In fact it is the same word as “two”. A lot of words just seperated when the “2. deutsche Lautverschiebung” in the high medieval times went on. In this High German consonant shift the Southern dialects drifted away from the Lower German Language, which was then similar to the English. Similarities we find in words like brother/ Bruder - thinking / denken - half / halb, even the words time / Zeit are of the same origin. Execpt for grammatics our languages have (haben) a lot in common. What is now the modern German language is the extract of the former southern dialects, even if the “best High German” is spoken nowadays by middle and northern Germany. Those southern dialects made the biggest shift in writing and pronunciation, so it’s not easy to discover the origins. The northern dialects didn’t made the shift, so they sound more like English, today still spoken in Lower Saxony or the North Frisian islands.

    Some more?

    thirsty / durstig
    that / das
    Ship / Schiff
    Apple / Apfel
    Street / Strasse.

    Actually there are hundreds of words, English and German has the same Grampa.

    Diving into it will cost you some hours of your time at wikipedia, so be careful when clicking: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_German_consonant_shift

    Sry about bing a nerdy smart ass.

  44. KnowItAll Says:

    We do have a word for convenient, or rather multiple words, depending on the cicumstances. In most cases, I’d say that the word “günstig” will do the trick.
    Examples: convenient location - günstige Lage; covenient time - günstiger Augenblick.
    When you want to say that something is covenient for you, you can say “das passt mir gut”.
    In some cicumstances, the word “praktisch” is also well suited as translation.

    But another question for you: Are there also positive words that you “imported” from German into English? I find Schadenfreude and Blitzkrieg rather depressing, and “Gesundheit” (that, by the way, you Americans pronounce in a way that makes my insides do unpleasant things) is meant friendly but, in the end, is used automatically without any true meaning attached.

    Thanks for this great page, will certainly buy your book!

  45. Drew Says:

    @Uschi - if you were German you’d know that Kindergarten is for kids four to six years old, Kinderkrippe is for three years and under. If it seems like the concept of Kinderkrippe was new in the west, it’s because of a long time of women-back-to-the-hearth conservative politics that kept young mothers at home and off work for three years plus. Those times are thankfully changing but there are still many regions where places even in a Kindergarten are hard to find. :(

    Otherwise, I’m getting really tired of English speakers claiming their culture didn’t know the concept of Schadenfreude and therefore “was forced to” import it from German. It’s a self-flattering, self-fulfilling prophecy, perpetuated every time someone uses the word. Everyday use of the words glee and, yes, gloating, indicate the contrary. Sure, both words *may* be used in other situations, but when they are actually used, most frequently they mean just that, Schadenfreude.

    In general, @John, your blog is really fun to read for those who know both cultures fairly well. Unfortunately, that is true for very few of us. To all who come here for actual information - this is an ironic blog frequently employing elaborate wordplay. Don’t be fooled. ;)

    Thank you for a good time, John!

  46. Tobias Weyers Says:

    Macht euch nur lustig über die deutsche Sprache…an dem Tag, wo wir den amerikanischen Präsidenten stellen werden ( natürlich alles Top-Secret ), werden wir euch unsere Sprache schon aufzwängen, ihr NERDs :)

    Nice book…really!

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