Perpetual handshaking and timely greetings.

April 18th, 2008

If you are going to work in Germany, get ready to shake the hand of every colleague you have every day. In America, we generally shake hands when first meeting someone, or if we haven’t seen each other in a very long time. Germans on the other hand want to shake hands one time per day.

Sometimes you will forget with which colleagues you have already shaken hands, and you may try to reshake and your colleague will begin to extend his or her hand until the moment of realization that that would be two shakes in one day, and one or both of you must jerk your hand away and exclaim “wir hatten schon!,” because shaking hands twice in one day is just as unacceptable as eating two warm meals in one day.

On occasion the German you greet may be unable to offer you his hand because he has them both full, has dirty hands, or is sick (you can tell because they will wear a scarf around their neck, without exception), at which point you will be offered a wrist or an elbow, which you are obliged to awkwardly shake.

If one arrives a little late and it would cause an interruption to make way through the room shaking with each individual, it will suffice to knock on a table. It is understood that you have in this way greeted everyone in the room. You will get bonus points as a German insider if you yell out, “Es gilt”, so that everyone knows they have been greeted.

On the subject of greetings, you must always check your watch before offering a greeting, because the standard greeting changes throughout out the day. Of course in the morning you say guten Morgen, but at about 11 a.m. Germans switch it over to mahlzeit or literally translated “meal time”. This can extend well into the afternoon until it becomes a more natural guten Tag.

Telling people it is meal time for like 3 hours at midday weird. It should be stopped.

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Strange stuff in Germany - Trophy Toilets

April 18th, 2008
I don’t know if these things exist in other countries, but one thing Americans all find weird in Germany are the trophy toilets. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, they are also commonly referred to as poo-shelf toilets.I don’t know what these things are about, but I have heard it gives you the chance to do a little self-diagnosis of your bowel sample, and maybe help you to decide to change up your diet or something. Whatever the reason, these Leistungstoiletten are pretty weird to non-Germans. German<br> Trophy Toilet
trophy toilett

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Germans wonder why Americans think Germans all love David Hasselhoff

April 17th, 2008

Germans universally love David Hasselhoff, that’s no secret. The mystery is why do they all act surprised when they find out Americans universally know of their love.

The Hoff has done things that everyone loves. He was the star of Knight Rider, which should be enough for one man, but his career didn’t end there. David also starred in Bay Watch, a tv show featuring people running in bikinis in slow motion. Hasselhoff even caused the Berlin Wall to fall. That’s a lot of greatness for one man.

What sets the Germans’ love for David Hasselhoff apart from the rest of the world’s admiration, is the fact that Germans actually bought Hasselhoff’s albums, whereas nobody else in the world even knows that he made music.

So, Germans, if you are listening, stop acting surprised that we know you love David Hasselhoff. And take down those David Hasselhoff posters from your wall.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrid

The Hoff

Walking with ski poles is a hobby

April 17th, 2008

Nordic WalkerGermans came up with a new English term that doesn’t really exist to invent a goofy “sport”, Nordic Walking. Germans can’t just go for a stroll outside, they need everyone to know they are being athletic by walking in expensive Nordic Walking gear and carrying ski poles.

To quote a German website hawking nordic walking wares, “Nordic Walking is a new, completely revolutionary movement-concept.” It used to be that old people hiked around with a stick, but when you use two sticks, suddenly its a revolution in movement. Awesome.

Strange.

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Germans think they speak better English than they do

April 17th, 2008

First of all, this is certainly a case of throwing stones in glass houses here, but all Germans make the same mistakes when they speak English. Learning these common mistakes will help you communicate.

First, the most annoying, Germans think Handy means cell phone. Telling them that the word Handy is not English for cell phone will make you endure a horrendous joke about how a Schwäbian guy actually came up the term. Do not tell them its not called a Handy in English under any circumstance, just know that they are talking about a mobile phone and move on.

Beamer is not a BMW, it is a projector.

Eggzill is a spreadsheet program from Microsoft. A warning from first hand experience here is in order. After hearing your German colleagues talk about using Microzoft Vord, Eggzill, and Axis, do not call the other program Microsoft Proyekt, like you think your German colleagues would pronounce it. They will make fun of you for being stupid, if you do.

Actual does not mean actual to a German. To a German actual means current, or up-to-date. For some reason they think aktuell = actual, which gets super annoying, since every German will always make this mistake till they die, no matter how many times you tell them.

Fitness Studio is a gym. Sounds like you’re going to get filmed while you work out, but no worries, it’s just a gym.

Der Smoking is a tuxedo.

Mobbing gives you the image of an angry mob of 50 people ready to kill you, but in German it is any form of harassment or mistreatment, especially in the work place by coworkers or management.

Informations, trainings, etc. Germans make up plural forms of words you can’t really do that with, which sounds pretty ridiculous.

Lucky means happy to Germans. Kind of weird since most Germans use the word happy now and then, as in “This film is a happy end.” By the way Germans, if you are listening, you mean “This movie has a happy ending.”

An Oldtimer to a German means a vintage car, not your grandpa.

A shooting is not what happens on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard once a day; Germans use it to mean a photo shoot.

Shrimps is the German word for shrimp, even though they could use their own lanuage, the Germans prefer to misuse ours.

A Body bag in Germany is not what the authorities take dead people to the morgue in, but rather a back pack or a fanny pack.

deutsche Übersetzung für Astrd

Body bag